With very few exceptions, in order to truly become a legend in the professional wrestling industry, an aspiring grappler will inevitably need to work for Vince McMahon at some point in their career. In most cases, the longer they work for Vince the more successful they’re capable of becoming, so it would behoove a wrestler’s fortunes to do whatever the man asks. Obviously, not everyone is willing to do that, especially now that it seems like he’s losing his damn mind.
Luckily for Vince and his fans, one thing WWE programming has proven throughout the years is that he’ll will always have a large roster of men and women willing to live out whatever wacky stories he and his writers come up with. Truth be told, there are probably way more wrestlers willing to do anything Vince tells them if it means getting on TV. On the other hand, the vast majority of them aren’t asked to do things worse than losing or maybe looking a little bit silly.
Only a select few wrestlers have engaged in outright bizarre activities on a weekly basis, making it clear there’s nothing they wouldn’t do to make the WWE CEO happy. Keep reading to find out who we’re talking about and discover 15 pro wrestlers who would apparently do absolutely anything Vince McMahon asked them to.
15. Steve Lombardi
To most people, jobbers are pretty much the lowest rung of the wrestling ladder, so for a talent to willingly shoehorn themselves as enhancement talent is in and of itself doing Vince McMahon a favor. As the longest tenured jobber in WWE history, Steve Lombardi, best remembered as the Brooklyn Brawler did Vince and his wrestlers countless favors over the span of some 20 years. Whenever a new talent needed to lose to a slightly notable name, the Brawler was there to give them their first piece of glory, occasionally switching gimmicks along the way to keep his losses interesting. In addition to getting billed as the Brawler, Lombardi was also briefly known as baseball super fan MVP/Abe “Knuckleball” Schwarz, one of the many Doink the Clowns, and Kamala’s handler Kim Chee. Whatever they called him, Lombardi remained willing to go out there and do the job with a smile on his face, loyally sticking by McMahon even after he was suddenly fired in 2016.
14. Mae Young
In a very literal sense, WWE has never seen a wrestler anything like Mae Young. Few wrestlers retain the ability to perform in the ring past their late 40s or so, and by the time they reach 60, it’s reasonable to question whether or not they can even safely take a bump. And then there’s Mae, who made her official WWE debut at the age of 76. That she was even willing to walk to the ring and get hit in the head with Jeff Jarrett’s guitar during her first appearance was surprising, and when Bubba Ray Dudley put her threw a table a few months later, it was downright terrifying. Of course, Mae was completely fine, and she’s keep popping up in WWE for another ten years doing equally outrageous stunts. That’s not even to mention her exponential more outrageous “comedy” segments, including when the septuagenarian Young gave birth to a human hand.
13. Tony Atlas
Representing the sadder side of a list like this, Tony Atlas was only willing to do whatever Vince McMahon asked him out of absolute necessity. The veteran athlete who once called himself the Black Superman has repeatedly suffered financial difficulties leaving him homeless or damn close to it, and his situation was worse than ever in the early ‘90s. In his own words, Atlas has credited McMahon with saving his life at this point, completely looking the other way in regards to the fact Vince did so by turning Atlas into a racist caricature. No longer the respected African American hero he once was, Atlas was forced to return to WWE as Saba Simba, wearing an offensive and gigantic headdress and repeatedly getting mocked by “Rowdy” Roddy Piper on commentary. And yet, Atlas did it all with a smile, because he really had no other choice. His situation probably wasn’t much different when he showed up again almost 20 years later as the goofily giggling sidekick of Abraham Washington.
12. Molly Holly
Despite mostly working for WWE in the era of divas, Molly Holly was a pro wrestler through and through, and she proved it by living out many women’s worst nightmares on several occasions. Most people probably thought there was absolutely nothing wrong with how Molly looked, but it was apparent from the beginning Vince McMahon saw her as plainer and less attractive than her contemporaries like Trish Stratus or Lita. Because of this, many of Molly’s gimmicks revolved around her personal appearance and conservative lifestyle, with the other women mocking her weight and choice to be a virgin. It would be one thing if Trish and Lita were heels when they mocked Holly, but they were presented as babyfaces, and thus the crowd pointed and laughed along with them. Molly didn’t exactly like it, either, as she later claimed her run as a heel left her crying almost every day. But hey, she did whatever she was asked, right? As bad as that sounds, at least Vince isn’t to blame for her shaving her head—that one was actually Molly’s idea.
Wrestling fans have long been aware that Vince McMahon occasionally has an odd disconnect between how much talent oversized wrestlers actually posses. Case in point, Viscera, aka Mabel, aka the World’s Largest Love Machine, aka Big Daddy V, who spent somewhere near a collective decade with WWE in spite of his inability to make crowds react to his work. In fairness, Mabel was pretty popular as half of the rapping Men on a Mission, but it fell apart fast when he turned heel and won the 1995 King of the Ring. From then on, Mabel fell further and further down the card while experimenting with increasingly weird gimmicks, from The Undertaker’s lackey to a pajama wearing plus-sized playboy who sexually assaulted his opponents into submission (seriously). Maybe it wasn’t that much to ask for Viscera to wear white contacts and lose to men a quarter of his size, but it was pretty clear this guy didn’t say no to Vince from the first time he humped someone into defeat.
Speaking of The Undertaker’s weirdest lackeys, Viscera’s one time tag team partner Mideon has an oddly similar story to his largest former ally. His biggest success in WWE also came prior to adopting his better remembered name, when he was still Phineas I. Godwinn with his fake cousin Henry O. There was nothing uniquely embarrassing about being a hog farmer, though, nor was it that bad when Vince turned him into the “soothsayer” Mideon and made him a comic relief lackey. The real test of Mideon’s loyalty didn’t come until after the Ministry of Darkness split up, and he suddenly decided to become a streaker. It goes without saying that anyone who runs naked through an arena filled with 10,000+ screaming fans has a lot of, um, confidence. It also tracks that if they did it because someone else told them to, they’d probably be willing to do virtually whatever that person asked.
9. William Regal
Upon first glance, few superstars in WWE command as much immediate respect as dignified Englishman William Regal. That wasn’t always the case, however, especially not when he had his initial WWE run as a burly lumberjack. The Real Man’s Man wasn’t anywhere near the worst thing Vince McMahon thrust upon Regal, either, as the punishment would only get worse as his career saw his profile gradually rise. In fairness, Regal has for the most part managed to maintain his dignity over the years, and was never made to look like anything but an expert in the ring, but on the other hand he was the inaugural member of Vince McMahon’s “Kiss My Ass” club. As if that weren’t enough in and of itself, Regal also once wore an outrageous burlesque dress when Raw visited Las Vegas in 2002, again showing how far he was willing to go for a joke at his expense.
In a manner of speaking, this list is based on wrestlers doing things in the ring that could only be described as bizarre, so it makes sense that “The Bizarre One” would have to be on it. Goldust has made an entire career out of doing things that seem outrageous and controversial, from the moment he entered the WWE Universe as an androgynous bisexual movie critic who played sexual mind games with his opponents. As the years went on, Goldust went from a methodical villain to a ridiculous babyface, always keeping up appearances with the fact he would do absolutely anything he was asked. This included wearing S&M gear, getting beat up while wearing a diaper, dressing up like his father, and generally being a huge creep for comedic effect. Rumor has it Goldust once even came up with an idea so risqué Vince said no to him, and quite frankly, the world may be lucky for it—apparently, Goldust wanted breast implants.
7. Pat Patterson
Once referred to as the Vice President of WWE and forever amongst Vince McMahon’s best friends and closest confidants, it’s only natural that Pat Patterson would return that respect and loyalty to Vince and his family. Patterson started his relationship with WWE in the late ‘70s, and although his career in the ring was slowly winding down, he still had enough to give backstage that he’s remained with the company in various capacities ever since. It wasn’t until the Attitude Era that Patterson starting proving his loyalty extended to the ring, as well, when he made regular appearances as McMahon’s number one “stooge” alongside Gerald Brisco. At first, the two were simply presented as bumbling lackeys, but Patterson especially gradually degraded himself into a disgusting old creep, with a running joke that he apparently couldn’t clean himself properly after using the bathroom. One match in particular at King of the Ring 2000 might have been an even bigger sign of Patterson’s loyalty, so let’s move on to his opponent before we discuss it…
6. Gerald Brisco
Well, if Pat Patterson makes the list for being half of the infamous Stooges, it only makes sense that Gerald Brisco would be right beside him. More than a decade after signing with WWE as a road agent in the mid ‘80s, Brisco joined Patterson as the primary stooges of Vince McMahon (or as Brisco put it, Mack-Man). Notwithstanding his hilarious inability to pronounce his boss’s name, Brisco was as loyal a foot soldier as Patterson, proving as much when he was a willing participant in a Hardcore Evening Gown Match at King of the Ring 2000. The match was exactly what it sounded like, with Brisco and Patterson donning garish and nightmarish ensembles, gigantic fake wigs and all. Typically, the idea of an Evening Gown Match is for the competitors to rip one another’s clothes off to titillate the crowd, but the only person who seemed to enjoy this one was Mr. Mack-Man himself. That was enough for Pat and Gerald, though, and were it not for their ages, we don’t doubt they would do it again today for the same reason.
5. Mark Henry
Proudly boasting that he’s the World’s Strongest Man, if anyone could say no to Vince McMahon and get away with it, Mark Henry might be big enough to take it. Based on his Strongman status alone, McMahon signed Henry to a lucrative 10-year deal that ultimately gave him $10 million, only to soon discover Mark might not be as good in the ring as he was at lifting weights. While he eventually came into his own as a performer, it’s true that Henry was noticeably inexperienced during his initial WWE appearances. Since his contract meant it would have been too costly to fire him, McMahon tried to get Mark to quit. The WWE CEO went about this mission by giving him horrible gimmick after horrible gimmick, including romantic angles with a transvestite, septuagenarian Mae Young, and his own sister. The only thing Mark wouldn’t let McMahon do is be a racist, as he eventually refused an angle that saw him referred to as the “Silverback.”
4. The Big Show
Taking the concept of this list to its most literal extreme, The Big Show deserves special recognition as the only performer we’ve mentioned whose gimmick was that he had to do whatever the McMahon family told him to. Granted, Vince’s daughter Stephanie and her husband Triple H represented the WWE Authority at the time, but the point remains, especially considering this was the same time period when Show dressed up as a giant baby. Almost a full decade before that, Show was also the victim of Eddie Guerrero spraying him with “human waste,” weeks after having his gastrointestinal problems of his own broadcast on SmackDown. Let’s not forget the saga of Big Show’s dead daddy, either, nor the time Val Venis laughed at him for having a not-so-big show downstairs. Believe it or not, these are just the worst of many, many horrible moments throughout Show’s career, and yet he did it all with a smile.
As with any discussion of how Kane had a particularly bizarre career, we find it easiest to leave things to the man himself. And we quote, “I grew up locked in a basement suffering from severe psychological and emotional scarring when my brother set my parents on fire. From there, I shifted around a series of medical institutions until I was grown, at which point I burned my brother alive. Twice. Since then, I set a couple of people on fire and abducted various co-workers. Oh, and I once electrocuted a man’s testicles. Years ago, I had a girlfriend name Katie, but…let’s just say that didn’t town out so well.” And so on and so forth. And that’s just when he was Kane! Before that, the man really named Glenn Jacobs also performed as Jerry Lawler’s dentist Isaac Yankem and then the Fake Diesel. The only thing we can add to Kane’s self-description is the story that in 2011 he was allegedly asked to throw away his Kane gear and enter the Royal Rumble as Diesel yet again, and just like with Katie Vick, he was going to let it happen without saying a word.
2. Triple H
More so than anyone else on this list, Triple H really doesn’t have a choice when it comes to doing whatever Vince McMahon says. Well, maybe that isn’t the case anymore, but he almost certainly must have found himself walking on eggshells around his boss while dating his daughter Stephanie. Obviously, the relationship may have inverted to a certain extent now that Vince has begun proudly boasting that HHH was his son-in-law. However, this doesn’t change the fact that at one point in time McMahon told Triple H he had to wear a Kane mask and rape a mannequin in a coffin, and all Triple H could say was, “Sure thing, pop.” For all of his alleged politicking and refusal to share the spotlight, few wrestlers sacrificed more for the business than Triple H in the moment he climbed into that pine box in front of his wife’s immediate family and millions of fans, and for that he deserves at least a little credit.
1. Vince McMahon
Consider it cheating to include Vince on this list if you must, because it would pretty much be impossible for him to refuse his own ideas. Quite honestly, we’re not even sure how that would work. However, there’s a good reason he’s number one on this list, and it has to do with an oft-repeated philosophy he used to sell some of the most absurd gimmicks and angles already mentioned throughout this list. In Vince’s own words, he would never ask a talent to do something he wasn’t willing to do himself. Barring some stunts Vince may have been physically incapable of doing, this has appeared to be true throughout his career, as he’s both put himself through extreme pain and embarrassment all for love of the sport. If you found yourself repeatedly shaking your head as you read this list, keep in mind, it could have been worse—had the performers said no to any of his ideas, Vince probably would’ve just done them himself.
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