Stephen Curry’s great at everything. But, he’s also ruining everything the NBA stands for. Former Golden State Warriors coach Mark Jackson says Curry is destroying the league because he makes many shots from very far away places. Yes, in case you were wondering, that is exactly what guards are supposed to do.
Diamond Leung of the East Bay News pulled this quote from Jackson in late December of last year:
“I’ve thought about this one. Steph Curry’s great. Steph Curry’s the MVP. He’s a champion. Understand what I’m saying when I say this. To a degree, he’s hurt the game. And what I mean by that is, I go into high school gyms, I watch these kids, and the first thing they do is run to the 3-point line. You are not Steph Curry. Work on the other aspects of the game. People think that he’s just a knock-down shooter. That’s not why he’s the MVP. He’s a complete basketball player.”
When it comes to coaching, Mr. Jackson is best known for his role in the hit classic children’s film, Air Bud, which has a 43% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. By comparison, Air Bud 2, in which Jackson does not make an appearance, only has a 21% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. So that should tell you something about Mark Jackson and all his greatness.
FYI: Air Bud is a movie that stars a dog and the dog becomes a sports superstar.
Anyway, that’s not the real problem with Steph Curry at all. The real problem is Curry doesn’t have any mug shot(s). He doesn’t have any baby mamas with baby daddies who have mugshot(s). There are no videos of him belligerently drunk on TMZ Sports, loading up an SUV with girls. He’s pretty much perfect, operating outside normal boundaries for every NBA player ever. And, that’s why you can’t like Curry.
15. No Legal Trouble
Steph Curry is that rare NBAer who has never had to attend a team recommended/league-ordered/court-ordered anger management course. He’s never had to sit in NBA’s version of ‘detention’ with Ron Artest or Metta World Peace or whatever might be going by these days.
The NBA sits above every other professional sports league in one thing. That thing is legal issues. Whenever an NBA player goes, weird and often socially and legally frowned upon activity seems to follow. While at a charity game. Kyle Lowry got so upset with a female referee, he started to verbally abuse her and then threw the ball at her. This was a charity game. That means it had no significant meaning whatsoever. Meaning, it didn’t really matter what the ref did.
Lowry was ordered to attend “impulse-control management,” along with 100 hours of community service.
That’s one of the more normal things to happen in the league.
14. No Baby Mama
All great athlete’s have baby mamas. Even Tom Brady. Not Curry. Also, not LeBron James but that’s beside the point. Unless you believe that The King tried to slide into the DMs of an Instagram model by the name of Rebecca Bush. There’s literally no proof of it, other than a screen shot, but hey, you never know.
Curry’s married to a woman he’s been with since he was in high school. Furthermore, Curry only has two children. And, both children have, get this, the same mother. The same woman. And, get this more, he is LEGALLY MARRIED to this person. The cake topper on the perfect wedding cake Curry definitely had at his perfect fairytale wedding? To the woman, he’s married to, while not having multiple children with other women? She’s boring as hell too. She legitimately on the cover of those women’s lifestyle magazines that shame daytime drinking suburban housewives for not being good at housework.
13. No Instagram Models
Where are the chicks with multiple baby daddies and the Instagram models Future the rapper warns about? The ones Nike’s public relations team absolutely won’t let out in public for most major events? The ones with “special seats” behind the award ceremony podium so the camera definitely won’t pick up on them because the business manager checked to make sure it wouldn’t? Twice.
Curry’s never been linked to any girls like that, which is pretty much against NBA policy.
How is this kind of behaviour allowed in the NBA? The league that was built on teams having to make last minute roster adjustments around family court dates?
What would Allen Iverson and Wilt Chamberlain think of this guy? Well, Wilt would probably approve because Curry’s never going to break his record.
You know which one…
12. He’s Too Good At Basketball
On the basketball side of things, Curry and his super good team (73 – 9 in the regular season), make the game almost unbearable to watch. Who wants to sit through the 76ers losing to the Warriors by 60? Watching them lose by 55 to the other 28 teams is difficult enough.
Under Curry, the Warriors make unbearable teams even more unbearable. So, let’s make that Curry’s fault instead of blaming the “process.”
Former coach Jackson has called Curry the “historic exception.”
“When you say that there are going to be a lot more guys like Curry, how many have ever had the handle that he has,” he said. “How many can create space off the dribble and shoot like that or come off the screen and get it up that quickly — and that’s without a high release point.”
11. He Can’t Dunk
The Steph Curry miracle shots? We know you are good at basketball, Curry. You can shoot from the line. The tunnel. The locker room. The strip club you never set foot in because you are better than us. All of it. You can do all the shots. Get over yourself. Why don’t you try something actually impressive? Like dunk. Oh, right. That’s the one thing you can’t do.
Here’s the truth, we have no idea if he actually hit the dunk in this picture. If we had to bet, we’d sincerely doubt it. Look up a dunk compilation for Steph Curry on YouTube. There might be five dunk in the entire video. Look up for LeBron James, master of dunking, and there will be five in the span of 15 seconds.
10. He’s Never Dated A Kardashian Sister
Come on Steph, guys like Lamar Odom and Kris Humphries were able to date Kardashians. Even James Harden and his never-ending beard was able to hook up with Khloe. Worse than that, Khloe dated Rashad McCants, who had about 1/10th of Steph Curry’s talent. Actually, 1/10 might be over-stating it. So Steph Curry should’ve already dated all three of these sisters.
Instead, Steph Curry’s never dated a Kardashian sister. In fact, his wife is kind of the opposite of a Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney. Stephen’s wife Ayesha subtweeted about Kim Kardashian’s nude selfies when Kim was going through that phase.
Ayesha says she prefers “classy over trendy” when it comes to her personal style. “Everyone’s into barely wearing clothes these days huh? Not my style,” she tweeted. “I like to keep the good stuff covered up for the one who matters.”
9. If D’Angelo Russell Was Recording Curry, It Would Have Never Went Viral
If Steph Curry happened to be secretly recorded by Los Angeles Lakers’ D’Angelo Russell in his hotel room while watching E! instead of Nick Young, or Swaggy P as his friends call him, it most certainly wouldn’t have gone viral and ruined the Lakers even more. Firstly, it’s likely that Curry wouldn’t be watching E!, but be at the gym, hitting three pointers from a variety of distances that would make the common man feel poorly about themselves. Or he’d be at the hotel by himself, quietly approving the design to his new dad shoes because dads should be able to wear Steph Curry’s shoes too.
When Russell recorded Young, he admitted to cheating on Iggy Azalea with a 19-year-old he met at a nightclub. If he had filmed Curry instead, he would most likely have been talking about his automatic toilet.
So, my Wife bought me a new toilet for our house. You know, one of those automatic ones. And i’m Hype!!! Yep That’s it, Goodnight! #blessed
— Stephen Curry (@StephenCurry30) November 12, 2015
8. He Doesn’t Fit Into Any Stereotypes About NBA Players
What’s wrong with you, Steph? Why can’t you get with the stereotypes that are supposed to be stereotypes but are time and time again proven to be true?
Curry, you might be able to beat the Bulls’ all-time wins record of 72-10, but does that even matter if you never allegedly attempt to wager a woman’s virginity in a dice game against Russell Simmons? Or if you never trash talk Muggsy Bogues to the point that he could never shoot the ball properly again. Or if you don’t diss Chamillionaire, by refusing to take a picture with him, saying “You know what, I tell you what, you pay $15,000 right now for a jersey from me and I’ll take a picture with you.”
How can we compare you to Jordan if you never did that?
7. He Took Tom Brady’s Perfect Life Title
It’s pretty universally accepted that New England Patriots’ Tom Brady has the most perfect life ever to be lived by a human person. He’s met his match in Mr. Golden State.
Brady’s married to supermodel Gisele Bündchen, he has three perfect children, he’s won multiple Super Bowls and he eats avocado ice cream as a treat. He can wear Uggs comfortably in public, he was drafted by the Montreal Expos in the MLB who no longer exists and he can fly all of his teammates out to the Kentucky Derby in his own private jet.
Enter, Riley and Ryan Curry and the rest of the Curry family. The most adorable family since the Brady Bunch.
His children are so perfect, that if his daughter doesn’t accompany him to a press conference, half of the viewers will immediately turn the channel. That’s power.
6. He’s Funny
Curry’s new Under Armour shoes were released this week and it turns out, he ripped off Forest Gump and every white New Balance shoe ever.
Steph Curry out here acting like he didn't steal his shoes from Forest Gump. pic.twitter.com/kQWelB29rN
— Kaylin (@KaylinNeely) June 12, 2016
The shoe release basically became the best platform for dad jokes. Ever. Curry took it with pride and grace.
“If I had them in the road bag I definitely would’ve worn them, show how fire they are,” Curry stoically said to a room of chuckles. “I love the nicknames, though, that they came up with, but I like ‘em.”
Since Curry didn’t have any work stress this year, Curry danced a lot to prepare for games.
He’s gotten so good at his craft, that he can afford to just dance around and do whatever he wants. It’s absolutely infuriating.
5. His Friends Are Cooler Than Yours
Steph Curry is so cool that even Drake wants to be his best bud. The six god even lets Golden State run practice at his house.
Drake and Steph are really good friends because Drake only runs with the coolest athletes, including Johnny Manziel (passed, not current) and Odell Beckham Jr., Drake and Curry even get late night after game eats together at In-N-Out Burger. The rapper even showed up at Curry’s wife’s pop-up restaurant to show his support.
When Lionel Messi hit 30 million Instagram followers, Curry sent him a signed Warriors jersey as a congratulations gift. You know, just to add to the cool friend list.
4. His Team Will Make You Cry Because They Are So Perfect
Even NBA commissioner Adam Silver says that the Warriors have done what is psychologically difficult. He thinks they’ve reached a new mental ability level when it comes to shooting.
“What they’re doing when it comes to 3-point shooting, they’ve overcome a psychological barrier, I think, for a lot of players who just never thought the kind of shots they would make were possible.”
The Warriors took the Bulls’ win record this year, placing them as the best time in NBA history.
“I never in a million years would have guessed that record would be broken,” said Steve Kerr, the Golden State coach who won his first NBA title as a guard on that Bulls squad. “I’ll say the same thing I said 20 years ago. I don’t think this one will ever be broken.”
3. Cam Newton Doesn’t Like Him
Cam Newton’s Carolina Panthers had a crazy good season like the Warriors and then lost in the Super Bowl.
Newton doesn’t think he’s the best basketball player on earth. Cam’s team LeBron James.
“A person asked me, ‘Well, is Steph Curry the best basketball player on the planet?’” Newton said. “I said, ‘No.’ I said, ‘Steph Curry is the best basketball player on the best team on the planet.’
“I still think LeBron is [the best player]. He’s 6-7, athletic, can do anything on the court. But LeBron is not on the best team. Going back to what I was saying, the power of team will always be better than the power of skill.”
Why does it matter that the Panthers quarterback doesn’t like Curry? It doesn’t, it’s just nice to see perfect people dislike other perfect people. It’s like a score for the little guys.
2. He’s Literally A Really Good Person
Outside of basketball, Steph Curry’s a very charitable guy. He’s been involved with the United Nations Foundation’s Nothing But Nets campaign since he was in college. The campaign gives out insecticide-treated mosquito nets in Africa to prevent malaria since mosquitos carry the disease. In 2014, he took it further. He launched Three-For-Three Challenge, donating three nets for every three-pointer he makes during the season. He gave away his MVP car to the East Oakland Youth Development Center.
At Christmas, Curry personally handed out 25-pound boxes of food and 10-pound boxes of toiletry essentials to 400 Oakland families. He also funded the initiative and bought his family along to help.
When the Internet tried to make a thing of an Instagram model named Roni Rose seemingly seducing Curry at a playoff game, his wife stepped in and tried to put a stop to it. She wasn’t letting the Internet bully Rose.
@Bossip what I think is you need to leave her alone. They've been supporting the dubs for a long time. Stop judging. It's irrelevant.
— Ayesha Curry (@ayeshacurry) June 11, 2016
1. He Doesn’t Know What The Fourth Quarter Is
Steph Curry spent a good portion of the third and fourth quarter on the bench this season, while every other superstar struggled through 40 or so minutes of playing time each game. The Warrior team was so good, they didn’t even really need him.
The Warrior team was so good, they didn’t even really need him that much. The bench is basically a playoff team.
In 14 out of 43 games, he was on the bench for the entire 12 minutes. This means Curry’s doing more than what other players do in less time. He’s the league MVP while only playing three-quarters of what other players do.
Stephen Curry is averaging 24.7 pts in first 3 quarters of games. That would rank 5th in the NBA in average points for an entire game.
— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) January 26, 2016
That’s the stuff that keeps LeBron up at night.
What did Curry do with all his bench time? Well, he and Draymond Green had some fun. Since they aren’t really needed, they can participate in other activities.
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