If you're over eighteen and spend much time on the internet, you've likely come across a certain category of film. These films generally circulate online these days and are seldom spoken of in polite company. Some of them don't have plots whatsoever, and just get right to the point, while others do try to actually tell a story. Those stories, by the way are often hilarious, featuring terrible acting and ludicrous tales that make no sense. We are talking, of course, about the adult entertainment business.
Among the funniest aspects of this dark, and probably sticky subculture of show business is the fact that they make some of the greatest parodies out there. While many of these films feature simple plots (if there is a plot) there are only so many reasons for people to fool around in front of a camera. Thus, the creative, perverted geniuses behind the scenes have become more than proficient at creating brilliant parodies. From Scooby Doo and The Flintstones to Star Wars, video game franchises, and even the odd political figure, nobody is off limits. That extends to the world of sport as well.
We already covered an extensive list of hilarious names for adult sports themed flicks, but many of them were general or parodied other films, such as Rocky. There are numerous films of the satirical nature that just involve stars playing sports and then hopping into bed (or the locker room) for some fun, but some studios have gone so far as to feature actors and actresses pretending to be famous athletes in their films.
Here are fifteen famous athletes and sports personalities and their variations in adult entertainment.
15 Kobe Bryant (Tobey Bryan)
These days we know Kobe Bryant as one of the greatest basketball players of all time, but back in 2003 he was in a nasty legal battle. His playing future, marriage and even his very freedom were in jeopardy, as he had been accused of sexual misconduct by a woman working at a hotel at which he was staying prior to a surgery. Although he was never convicted, and settled a civil suit outside of the courtroom, his reputation was severely damaged, and he lost some endorsements. It took a few years, but he was able to rebuild his good name with the fans.
During the scandal however, Hustler had some fun with his predicament, making Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation. The film featured a sex-crazed basketball player named Tobey, the star of the Los Angeles Shakers.
Often called one of the greatest female wrestlers to ever enter the squared circle, Joanie Laurer (Chyna) became an icon in the late 90's and eventually made her way into the adult industry. She made a home video with then-boyfriend Sean "X-Pac" Waltman and then got into the professional stuff. A few of her more notorious roles included She-Hulk in an Avengers parody, and as the titular character of Chyna is Queen of the Ring. We're not quite sure if this is an "adult" version of Chyna or if it is just her, but imagine the true answer lies somewhere in the middle. The adult version of Chyna "took on" many fictionalized versions of wrestling icons (a few more of whom we'll discuss here), and held her own in the ring. This Vivid production from 2012 is probably one of the most ridiculous parodies out there.
13 The Rock
Dwayne Johnson is an example of what hard work and a can-do attitude can accomplish. Back in the 1990s, he played football for Miami, graduating and moving onto the Canadian Football League's Calgary Stampeders in 1995. He didn't last, but quickly made the transition into wrestling, a family tradition, and over the next few years, became one of WWF's biggest stars. From there he moved onto acting and has built himself up to one of the most successful in the business.
Anyone who is a wrestling fan already knows this, but we decided to include the history lesson anyway. Now, on to the smut.
The Rock was one of the wrestlers who stepped into the ring with Chyna in Chyna is the Queen of the Ring, and the actor who played him even tried to do the "people's eyebrow" but couldn't pull it off like the real guy.
12 John Cena
While some wrestlers could be a difficult task for an adult star, you don't really need much to properly impersonate John Cena. All that is required is some muscle, a hat, and an armband. The rest is basically looking somewhat intense and periodically speaking intimidating words. Then again, this was a p*rn parody and most of the characters were terribly acted, even considering the genre in which this flick was made. TJ Cummings looked like a bad parody of Cena and in effect, was exactly that. We don't want to just denigrate the acting skills of these people, but at the same time, there is a reason some of these guys work in adult entertainment. While Cena's early "white rapper" gimmick might have made for a funny gag (no pun intended) in this film, there really was nothing to tell us this was supposed to be him outside of the attire.
11 Ric Flair
The final scene in Chyna is Queen of the Ring features Chyna along with hilarious and terrible impersonations of Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan. Alex Sanders, who played Flair, quite possibly had never watched a wrestling match in his life, and basically just wore a wig that made him look like the guy, from maybe a football field away. Actually, there may not be a worse impersonation in this entire flick than Flair.
If anyone ever wants to make another WWE themed film of this variety (it will almost surely never happen again, but just in case), we'd rather see a parody of Flair's daughter Charlotte. On second thought, we'd rather just see Charlotte playing herself.
10 Donald Sterling (Donald Sp*rming)
We originally wanted this list to be only athletes, but there are a couple of other sports personalities off the field who we deemed worthy of being included here. Donald Sterling, the former owner of the Los Angeles Clippers is one of them, and of course was essentially forced out of the NBA after a leaked racist voicemail to his girlfriend. For those who are wondering, the old man is doing fine these days, and still has tons of money invested, mostly in real estate.
Back in 2014, while he was in the middle of his scandal, Dogfart Network and Smash Pictures both decided to get some free publicity by making Sterling themed films. The first of these was a cuckold parody (look it up if you don't know what the term means), and the second was just a fictionalized version of the events titled simply Owner Gets Clipped.
9 Hulk Hogan
Evan Stone played Hulk Hogan in the WWE parody Chyna is the Queen of the Ring. For those who don't recognize the name, Evan Stone is one of the more well-known male performers in the business, and a close friend to Ron Jeremy. The two of them are considered to be among the longest serving working stiffs in the business. He actually did a half decent job of impersonating the Hulkster (not genuinely funny, but got some of the mannerisms almost right), not that he is a difficult man to act like. If every consecutive picture you see from this film makes you think it is increasingly weird, you're dead right, as crazy as the world of wrestling is, the adult entertainment business put it into a different light altogether.
8 Joe Namath (Manhattan Joe) and O.J. Simpson
Again we see Evan Stone, but this time he's in a film mocking the NFL. This was a scene from Not Monday Night Football XXX, which was filmed back in 2009. On either side of him are parody characters meant to look like John Madden and Howard Cosell, who actually never worked together in real life. Evan was playing a character based on Joe Namath (Broadway Joe), but took the name "Manhattan Joe" in this flick. Outside of the commentators and the former Super Bowl winning quarterback, one other football icon was featured in this gem, OJ Simpson, who was played by Lee Bang. If stupid jokes, terrible puns and dreadful acting are your thing, this may be a great choice.
7 Stone Cold Steve Austin
So far we've discussed a few different wrestlers who were featured in Chyna is Queen of the Ring. As you may have noticed, timelines don't matter much to the adult industry and the crazed animals who come up with scripts and plots. The film was basically a hilarious mess of wrestling icons from various eras in WWF/E's history taking turns with Chyna. With that being the idea of the film, it probably couldn't have been made without an appearance from The Rattlesnake.
Some guy named Cyrus King played Stone Cold and what you see in the picture is pretty much what you get, he walked out and cracked a couple of beers and then got into some stuff we can't discuss here.
6 Vince and Stephanie McMahon
Would a decent WWE parody be possible without featuring the McMahons? We don't think so. Lee Stone played Vince, while Lisa Ann, one of the icons of the business, played Stephanie. Lisa Ann is known outside of this flick for playing just about any sexy older woman in any p**n flick, along with playing Serra Paylin in the hilarious political parody Who's Nailin' Paylin. Of course, she looks next to nothing like Stephanie (except for the sweater meat) and neither she or the gent portraying Vince were able to play the part, but when all is said and done, if the acting were too good in any of these films, those viewing might have trouble keeping their minds on business.
5 Tiger Woods
Different people had different reactions to that series of infamous Tiger Woods affairs that got uncovered several years ago. Some thought about his poor kids and wife, while others thought about how normal and straight edge he seemed, despite being a raunchy, sex-crazed maniac. Finally, the brilliant minds that make up the creative side of the adult industry saw gold when the star of the golf world turned out to be a world class booty hound.
Tyler's Wood and Tiger's Got Wood both came out in 2010, and are essentially the same movie. There are copious golf puns, terrible jokes, a golfer, a caddy, and of course some needy women wearing next to nothing. We'd say something denigrating about the acting, but these performers acted better than Tiger did when he pretended to be sorry.
4 Miesha Tate (Miesha Taint)
There have been a couple of mixed martial arts themed adult parodies. Back in 2010 and 2011 there were This Isn't UFC: Ultimate F**king Championship, one and two. While they did have a cage fighting look to it, there were no intentional parodies of actual fighters. 2015 changed this, when we got a brilliant piece of film in the form of BurningAngel's Ronda Arouseme: Grounded and Pounded. One of the main characters was Miesha Taint, a very obvious and hilarious take on now-retired, former UFC Bantamweight champ Miesha Tate. She and Ronda Rousey had (still have?) a nasty rivalry and there may be nobody Ronda hates more than Miesha. In this flick, Miesha was portrayed by heavily tattooed hottie Sammie Six.
3 Erin Andrews
Among the journalists in the sports world, few have been able to do what Erin Andrews has done. She's one of the few sportscasters about whom we have seldom heard bad things. She's a solid interviewer, she knows her stuff, she's easy on the eyes, and she even managed to keep her cool while Richard Sherman shouted at her after Michael Crabtree refused to shake his hand back in 2013. In short, she's one of the reporters in the sports world who is more than just a chattering moron making bad jokes. These days she's expanded her resumé to include hosting Dancing with the Stars and advocating for women's health after her own diagnosis with cancer last year.
She was also one of the figures who appeared, in parody form, in 2011's Hustler production This Ain't ESPN XXX. She was portrayed by Alanah Rae, who did not conduct post-game interviews in a professional manner.
2 Ronda Rousey (Ronda Arouseme)
Here's the titular character from Ronda Arouseme: Grounded and Pounded, which we mentioned earlier. Ronda was played by Kleio Valentien. She and her rival Miesha Taint got down and dirty on the mat, but to answer a question many MMA fans might have about this film, there was no Edmond Tarverdyan screaming "head movement" the whole time, but that would have been hilarious. The film was made in 2015, over a year before Edmond became a spectacle for his terrible corner work.
When asked what she thought of her p*rn parody, the real Ronda said "it's funny, I used to hear that name in high school sometimes! At least some girl somewhere is paying her bills with it now."
There is no Paige Van Zant film yet, and while we'd settle for an adult parody, we'd prefer the real thing.
1 Diego Maradona
That is none other than Ron Jeremy decked out in an Argentinian football (soccer) kit, and he is impersonating legendary Argentine player Diego Maradona. This was from an Italian adult flick from back in 1990. Get ready to chuckle, because here is the plot: Italy is about to host the World Cup, so they hire some ladies to go distract the stars of teams from other countries. If only it were that easy, right? Just unleash the amoral women!
In English-speaking countries this flick is known as World Cup '90, but the original Italian title was Cicciolina e Moana 'Mondiali'. Other athletes who were impersonated include Dutch forward Ruud Gullit and German striker Jurgen Klinsmann, by Sean Michaels and Eric Price respectively.
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