Every young man dream of bringing home the perfect woman to meet his mother. Guys search the land, high and low, checking off list items for their perfect partner and only once that list is perfectly filled out will they take the lady of their dreams home for dinner to pass the ultimate check on that list, parental approval. Maybe junior’s dream girl is too tall for mom, maybe she doesn’t like the way she does her make-up, and on the odd occasion she might be a scandalous professional female athlete with more skeletons in her closet that work-out gear… Who’s to say.
We’ve run down a list of the top ten 10 female athletes you wouldn’t want to take home to mom for Sunday dinner. Their faults range from being arguably too forward with their intentions and having been caught for cheating in the past to assaulting their alleged friends causing bodily harm and just the fact they dated Tiger Woods. I’ve got it on good authority that these simple factors can exclude these awesome ladies from the ‘mom test’… We’re not saying we wouldn’t date them, or at least go on three dates with them, but we’re definitely not introducing them to the lady who brought us into this world. And just to spice it up we threw in 5 ladies that our mom’s would absolutely swoon over.
15 Wouldn’t: Paige
Paige is (or was) a super cute WWE bad girl who has held the Women’s Championship in the past. However her career these days seems to be pretty up in the air. Which means she probably has a little more time to date and perhaps go out to dinner with us. But we might want to rethink involving our mom in that equation, especially if mommy dearest has read some of the tabloid coverage on Paige in the last few years. Not only has the embattled WWE Diva been suspended for drugs she also featured in a very public tape that showed her getting it on with two male wrestlers. ‘Hi, Mom. This is Paige. You might have seen her getting double teamed on the internet’ isn’t our idea of a perfect intro.
14 Wouldn’t: Lindsey Vonn
Lindsey Vonn is a an absolute babe who rips it up on the slopes. The perennial Olympian would be the prefect girl to hit the hill with and then wind down for a little ski apres in the hot tub with a bottle of champagne and some soft music drowned out by the bubbles and some heavy snuggling. That all sounds well and good but we’re pretty sure mom might have one problem with Lindsey’s dating past. Vonn had a highly publicized relationship with scandal-ridden golfer Tiger ‘been with every lady i’ve laid eyes on’ Woods. We’re pretty sure that if we introduced our new gal to mom and the first thing that pops in her mind is that our new partner had been with train wreck Tiger she might disapprove.
13 Would: Eugenie Bouchard
Eugenie Bouchard is an absolute sweetheart who we would all love to take out to dinner and maybe go for a nice walk through the park, chatting about tennis and what to name our 3 future kids. Bouchard routinely stands up for women, notably the time an on-court interviewer asked her to twirl and she responded in a press conference saying she wouldn’t mind twirling if the guys were asked to twirl as well. How could mom say no to a polite, Canadian girl who stands up for women in sports, women in the workplace, and women in general. Eugenie has even accepted a date request over twitter with a normal dude just like us. They’re even going to the Super Bowl together this year. Talk about down to earth!
12 Wouldn’t: Maria Sharapova
Alright, Maria Sharapova is the dream! Athletic, competitive, and she finally found a little time to date. I imagine a fine-dining restaurant, moonlit walk along the river, and then a night cap in her penthouse suite. But if it ever came down to introducing her to mom we might hit a few hurdles. Firstly, Maria was suspended from professional tennis for having a banned substance in her system (mom thinks drugs are bad). During her suspension Maria admitted that she finally had time off her demanding schedule to look for love. But how do we explain to mom that while she was dating she admittedly ‘played the field’ dating more than one guy at a time. “I didn’t even know what the hell that was!” she says, laughing. “I was like, This is really new! And I kind of like it!”
11 Wouldn’t: Hope Solo
Hope Solo was the foxy goaltender for the USWNT and had great success on the soccer pitch. Now that she’s retired from playing she has some other things on the go, including running for President of US Soccer but we’re sure she’d have time to go on a cruise with us and check out the Caribbean and lounge in a bikini on some white sand beaches. After our little getaway we might want to reconsider introducing her to our mother. Mom’s like to make sure their special little man is safe and sound and back in 2014 Hope was dragged in on two counts of domestic violence. Although it would be great to be with this super babe we’re pretty sure mom wouldn’t want to get a call in the middle of the night about a scuffle at home.
10 Would: Anna Kournikova
Anna Kournikova, the former darling of tennis, has been in the public eye for as long as any of us can remember. During that time she had an ok tennis career and dated some high profile guys. Anna just seems like a girl we’d like to cuddle up with and watch a movie, maybe eat some ice cream, then take all of our clothes off and recreate some of her greatest tennis moments. And the best part would be that we’re certain mom would totally approve… Maybe not about the naked tennis. For the last decade Anna has been in a superstar relationship with Enrique Iglesias but she’s done a great job keeping her personal life and public life separate. No one knows if they’re married and they just secretly had twins. We’re sure mom would love that she’s not an attention craving, tabloid cover model.
9 Wouldn’t: Maria Kirilenko
Maria Kirilenko is a retired tennis super hottie who strutted her stuff on the court from 2001 to 2014. Now that she’s retired we’re sure she’d have time to take us on a luxury tour of her native Russia. We could taste the local delicacies and drink as much vodka as we like while on the arm of a babe who knows exactly where to take us to maximize the trip. After the adventure of a lifetime we might want to avoid introducing her to our mother. Maria was famously engaged to NHL superstar Alexander Ovechkin in what seemed to be a Russian royal match made in heaven. Until Maria called the wedding off! I’m sure mom wouldn’t be stoked that Maria has commitment issues.
8 Wouldn’t: Marion Jones
Marion Jones was one of the most accomplished Olympians of all time and pretty easy on the eyes as well. We wouldn’t mind becoming a trophy husband of an American track legend. We could do some meal planning while she trained, relax by the pool during team meetings, and then be present for some after work cardio in the bedroom. But in the long run some stuff might surface that mom might not approve of. While being one of the most accomplished Olympians, Jones also became the most disgraced after admitting to using steroids. She was stripped of many Gold medals from the 2000 Sydney Olympics. Cheaters never really change, do they? We’re sure mom wouldn’t want us with someone of such poor moral character.
7 Would: Michelle Jenneke
Michelle Jenneke is an absolute sweetheart and gorgeous former athlete, current academic, and part time model. We could have the time of our lives exploring Australia with the spunky brunette, swimming in the ocean, diving into the food scene, and having cocktails by the pool. And we’re pretty sure mom wouldn’t mind in the slightest. After hopping onto the scene in the late 2000’s with her entrancing ‘warm up wiggle’ Jenneke made it clear that she was more than a pretty athlete and wasn’t going to settle being known as that cute girl on the starting line. She aspired to more and pursued a degree in robotics. Mom would love it if we brought an educated lady home who wasn’t happy just leaning back on her looks, even if she is an absolute beauty.
6 Wouldn’t: Tonya Harding
Ok, it would have been blast to date Tanya Harding in her prime. She was spunky and wild, driven and talented. She rocketed to the top of the figure skating would and we could have followed her around the planet in search if gold and hitting the best parties the circuit had to offer. But at the end of the day we’re pretty sure that Tanya wouldn’t be the girl sitting across the table from our parents. This is mostly do to the fact that she conspired with her ex to assault her main skating competition by breaking her leg. The attack went down and so did the conspirers. ‘Hey mom this is Tanya, she likes long walks on the beach and taking her lovers into committing assault for her’. Doesn’t have a nice ring to it.
5 Wouldn’t: Jamie Anderson
Jamie Anderson is a snowboarding legend and won the first Olympic Gold medal ever offered up in women’s slope-style during the 2014 Sochi games. Jamie seems like the most fun babe to date and hang out on a chairlift with. We cold carve some pow and down some beers in the lodge before curling up by the fire in our chalet and see were the romantic mood takes us. But eventually the dream would go up in smoke when it got time to introduce this rad girl to mom. Jamie has been publicly known to enjoy imbibing in marijuana. And although social stigmas are slowly slipping away in the era of legalization, we’re pretty sure that mom doesn’t want us bringing a drug user around.
4 Would: Misty Copeland
Misty Copeland is an incredible lady who has recently become the first African American female principal dancer at the prestigious American Ballet Theatre. She persevered through some tough circumstances. When Misty was growing up money was tight and career wise many people said she’d never make it as a dancer. But she did. She proved them all wrong and rose to the top of her profession. Tell me mom wouldn’t love that feel good story. Now Misty gives back as much as she can and is considered one of the most charitable female athletes out there. Once you add that to the feel good story we’re pretty sure mom will be all smiles when we introduce her to our hard working, accomplished, charitable new lady.
3 Wouldn’t: Jacqueline Carvalho
Jacqueline Carvalho is a smoking hot volleyball player from Brazil. She’s a two time Gold medal Olympian taking top spot in the 2008 and 2012 summer games with her fellow countrywomen. We might have to wear some lifts in our shoes but we would love to explore exotic Brazil on the arm of Jacqueline as she shows us her homeland. The glorious beaches, the Rio nightlife, can you imagine? We can. But we fear we’d never want to leave. How do you think mom would feel if we walked into Sunday dinner with a gorgeous Amazon and told her that we were probably going to move to Brazil. Let’s face it, we would follow Carvahlo anywhere and mom would hate that we’d be so far apart.
2 Wouldn’t: Kelly Kelly
Kelly Kelly is a former WWE Diva who is an absolute stunner. She has the body of a goddess and the face of an angel. We would love to step into the ring with her and let her toss us around, eventually pinning us, we’ll give her the win, we’re gentlemen like that. We could even swap ring for bedroom, wherever she wants to roll around is ok with us, who are we to complain. However rumour has it that Kelly has been with a lot of her WWE co-stars in an intimate way. It is widely reported that Kelly with numerous men, like, a whole bunch. While we’re ok with that because a women’s body is her own, we’re not quite sure mom would be comfortable once she found out the news.
1 Would: Gabby Douglas
Gabby Douglas is an Olympic Champion gymnast with a heart of gold. Dating Gabby would be like dating the prefect, wholesome lady. We could fill our days with productive activities and make meals together before cuddling up and reading the days news and watching a little tv. We could drive her to training on the weekdays and do a little grocery shopping while she worked out. Life would be great. Not to mention we’d have to go to church on Sundays. Gabby has even dabbled a little in judaism. She draws her strength from god and we’re pretty sure that mom would approve. If we brought a good church going lady home for the holidays we’re not sure how she could disapprove. We’ll try mom!