I know the animals
Are laughing at us
Don't even know
What a joke is!
- David Byrne, from the song "Animals" off 'Fear of Music'
Animals think they're pretty smart. They've got us all well-trained, we watch their cute videos incessantly and we allow them to freely ruin our national sporting events. A couple of weeks ago, a squirrel tight-roped its way above a Phillies-Cardinals game, came across the Phillies dugout and fell right on top of the Phillies' Chase Utley (who absolutely FREAKED OUT, naturally).
This is truly unfortunate considering how nice we are to most of the animals we don’t eat. We care for them, treat them like family, give them loving homes, feed them without reservation even when they howl at us at ungodly morning hours and exhibit unconditional affection for them despite their inability to sometimes properly clean their own butts.
Perhaps as some sort of revenge for, say, grooming them into insane shapes that we find ‘cute’ or amusing, they have decided to come after us guns blazing into our sporting events. Over the years they have been shameless in their disdain for our organized sports activities, wreaking havoc on playing fields, golf greens, courts and even racing courses where their own lives are jeopardized in the process.
We decided to look at 15 other instances where cute, adorable, annoying, inconsiderate and awesome animals decided to interrupt sporting events. Most of the animals survived these altercations (even the crazy kangaroo trying to be a race car) as they did their darndest to interrupt our oh-so-important sporting event.
15 Black Cat Curses Cubs for Roughly the 10th Time
A 1969 Cubs team stacked with talented names like Banks, Santo and Billy Williams is up on the Mets in the NL East by 9 1/2 games and seemingly on their way to a World Series. However, this being the Cubs and all and the universe hates them, a black cat runs around Ron Santo while he stands in the on-deck circle during a crucial series against the Mets at Shea Stadium late in the 1969 season. The cat then ran into the Cubs dugout and was never seen again - presumably off to haunt the Cubs and their fans for the rest of eternity.
14 Gigantic Bear Wants to Play Left Field, Possibly Eat People
This very large and scary black bear wanted to play some baseball last summer during an American Legion game in June 2014. Alaska is used to this kind of stuff as they live and eat and go to school with bears and stuff up until the age of 18 (or so I'm told) so everyone's all like 'oh. hey. look. another bear near a baseball field. YAWN." instead of running as fast as possible and trampling women, children and the elderly in the process.
13 Bees Swarm Zurich Classic
Golf is notoriously boring but what makes it 500x better is a SWARM OF BEES COMING TO STING YOUR VISOR-WEARING HEAD OFF. If this were to happen more often at a golf tournament, not many of us would probably want to go watch it live (but we don't anyway) at least the TV ratings would be through the roof. Could you imagine a swarm of bees chasing after Tiger Woods? Now, who wouldn't tune in to see that?
12 Snakes on the Green
What is it with the Zurich Classic and animals of all shapes and sizes invading the green during play? If you're a golfer participating at this event, do you bring a Hazmat suit, samurai sword and blowtorch along with your clubs because this place is absolutely bonkers and must be situated next to a freakin' rain forest considering all of the animal mishaps they've experienced over the years during play. If only Samuel L. Jackson was there to shout, "I've had enough of these mf**n snakes on the mf***n green!"
11 Seattle Seahawk Mascot Flies Onto Man's Head
The Seahawks have an actual hawk that flies around before games and this thing is completely unchecked considering it has wings, talons and a very large, scary beak that kills things in its maw. Last November, during a Giants-Seahawks game the mascot went rogue and flew into the audience to try and build a nest in some dude's skull. No word yet on its thoughts to not run the ball ONCE during the Super Bowl when the game was on line, it was goal to go and you have Marshawn Freakin' Lynch in your backfield. KAAAAAAWWWWW!
10 Pine Marten Attacks Player During Swiss Soccer Game, 2013
No idea what a Pine Marten is but it looks like a large beaver-ferret super beast whose prey appears to be small insects, rodents and Swiss soccer players judging by the way he chewed into Zurich defender, Loris Benito. Benito is shown deploying a match-saving tackle after the pine marten terrorized the pitch for several minutes. If there is a Hall of Fame for animals interrupting games or if they make posters for them, this menace's photo is certainly encased in a Sopranos-Goodfellas-Scarface -like cadre of heroes that celebrate their legacy and glory
9 Bugs Attack Yankees During ALDS, Cleveland, 2007
Cleveland may have not won a professional championship since before the Eisenhower administration but they have some seriously homer bugs they can count on. The Indians and their bugs held the Yanks to one run during the 2007 ALDS as millions of them swarmed around Derek Jeter (no word on if he sent them home the next morning with signed paraphernalia) and the rest of the Yankees. "It's like somebody let them go", said Jeter suspiciously after the game. The bugs were apparently not available for the recent Cavs-Warriors series. Sorry, LeBron!
8 Cat Freaks Out at Citi Field's First Game
The Mets played their inaugural game at Citi Field on April 13, 2009 against the Padres. During the bottom of the 3rd, an orange cat ran around David Wright in the on-deck circle (much like his cousin did 40 years earlier against the Cubs' Santo) and the Mets - poised to make a run on the reigning NL East Champ Phillies - ended up mediocre and half of the players injured by the middle of the season.
7 Flock of Seagulls Terrorize Horses
Seagulls can usually be found on beaches, not really where 500lb animals are stomping at them at breakneck speeds with tiny Italian men strapped to their backs. This is not the normal seagull habitat so whoever was in charge of this particular school and thought to land here, should be severely reprimanded by his surviving seagull brethren. They decided to invade the Sandown racecourse back in 2005 in Australia. Odds are, racehorses would win in a fight with seagulls.
6 Owl vs. Jose Canseco
Jose Canseco is not without his own brand of self-inflicted humor. Be it his head aiding an opposing batter's home run or slicing off his own finger or any other number of goofball things the endlessly sad and entertaining slugger has done over the years but in 1991 he tried to help an owl to get off the field during a game against the Rangers by waving his arms around. The owl sat there and ignored him at first. But then, Jose Canseco - Cuban slugger, exiled son of communist Cuba and he of the famed, steroid-fueled 40/40 club - tasted that sweet taste of success by saving this wayward owl. A legend was born.
5 The Zurich Classic is the Animal Interrupting Gift that Keeps on Giving
It's like they open the gates of a freaking nearby zoo every time the Zurich Classic is happening. That alligator is straight up lurking to pounce and kill. Now, this confrontation didn't end as dramatically as in Happy Gilmore, be it the alligator biting someone's hand off, or a golfer taking on the beast himself and beating it to death, but no golfer wants to come across an alligator during a peaceful round of golf.
4 Steve Lowery Has Ball Taken By Seagull at the Players Championship
Seagulls are terrible people. They simply do not care for our world. They will take what they want and do what they want when they want. It's no surprise we can't even enjoy potato chips by ourselves on a pleasant beach day without constant seagull harassing. Lowery finished CUT at that tourney, by the way. No doubt a celebratory event for seagulls the world over. This menace must be stopped!
3 Bat Interrupts D-League Basketball Game
A bat flew around a D-League basketball game between the Fort Wayne Mad Ants and the Austin Toros. I have no idea how this is possible since bats traditionally like darker environments to terrorize and eat things but nevertheless here is a mutant bat enjoying fluorescent lighting and flying around unchecked by nature or evolution. Where's Ozzy Osbourne when you need him?
2 Kangaroo Pretends to Be Race Car
Australia is a wild place where a kangaroo and a duckbill platypus just hang out and look weird together in broad daylight at the local mall. If you like kangaroos, best not to watch this one try and become a race car on Bathurst raceway. We're fed up of this prejudice towards kangaroos. It's the 21st century, why can't they be allowed to compete on race tracks?
1 Randy Johnson Sends Message to All Interrupting Animals
Perhaps one of the most famous animals interrupting sports related videos ever. A dove is obliterated in the craziest Sports Science way ever when a Randy Johnson five million mile per hour fast ball hits the bird just at the same moment it is crossing in front of the mound. Feathers fly, ball and bird become one but the message falls flat as animals continue their reign of terror. If Randy Johnson couldn't stop animal invasions, who will?