Paulina is now onto the second man in her life, husband Dustin Johnson, who must wish he could hack the internet and destroy photos from before they met. It’s not easy to become more popular or have more photos than the greatest hockey player in the world, Wayne Gretzky, plus her husband Dustin Johnson, PLUS the real star of “The Flamingo Kid,” Janet Jones Gretzky. However, Paulina Gretzky has eclipsed them all. Paulina, the first born, carries many expectations and responsibilities, and sometimes they become the wayward and wild one. In this case, it’s true. and if you’ve seen “The Great One” age, you can certainly see how the stages of her life have left him a little weathered and worn. But now, the anxiety has been passed down to Dustin, and while Wayne can grow young again with grandchildren, poor Dustin can work on damage control.
Dustin doesn't have the bodyguards "The Great One" had, so he'll need another plan. Maybe he can summon the legend of "Happy Gilmore" to shirt his opponents if they're giggling on their cell phones. I am sure he's proud of his wife who seems to have grown out of that stage and has become a voice forhalpless animals and other important causes. But he just wouldn't be human, if on the road or at home, and unable to sleep, that he didn't type in his wife's name, hit "search," then "images," and see more than 15 pictures he'd feed to "Chubbs," the one eyed alligator.
Now, she’s married to pro golfer Dustin Johnson and they’re starting a family. As Wayne and Janet can now breathe a sigh of relief and maybe take a cruise, these are just some of the images they love, and would love to forget.
15 Modeling 101
Now this is original, and it’s dripping with the cheese factor. This shot from Modeling 101 is just awful. We got the blonde, the pumps, and one arm over her head and one on the waist. Wow, and how about that sports car. Are you buying it? The advertisement is telling us that if we buy the car, the girls will love us. This is enough to make anyone puke, and could only be appealing to prepubescent teens, from Winnipeg to Texas, who have this thumb tacked onto their walls. That alone should be enough to make Dustin nauseous.
No matter how good Paulina looks here, there’s not much imagination or originality behind this ad at all. Paulina, how could you do this? Luckily she’s secured better modelling gigs since then, but just thinking about what must go on with this poster probably makes Dustin throw up in his mouth.
14 Back Shot
Call Happy Gilmore! Where to begin. Alone on a boat, who is she staring at and what are their facial expressions. Does Dustin know them? Do they deliver pizzas or invest their money and D.J doesn't even know? It doesn’t seem like she could be exposing any more skin, but is she? That has got to be the shortest bikini bottom ever made, and couldn’t one of the gentlemen on board bring her some food. We can see the bones in her legs. But what’s most disturbing is the man staring at her from behind. Just from his cheek bones, he is obviously smiling and laughing at her and his eyes are probably popping out of his head.We can assume Paulina was with some friends partying on a boat and likely back before she met with Johnson. Their anonymity, the before and after story, the untold story some people are telling, can't be a sitting well with him.
When did those grow and where did she get em’? They must have cost a fortune so where did she get the money? I don’t think her modeling, singing, or acting career had taken off yet. Wayne and Janet, what were you thinkin'? And if that’s not enough, gotta love the cuffs. Hmmm… The world works in mysterious ways, and maybe this is goalie karma. How many goalies did #99 undress? But now the karma has spread to poor Dustin. What did he do to deserve this?
This photo was taken back when Paulina was still in her early 20s and was seemingly ready for a wild Halloween party. Dustin has to wonder iif they were a gag or who they were used on. Who knows, maybe he can find an undeleted email on her computer.
They’re back, and behind Curtain Number 2 is… I’m beginning to see a pattern here: Boat, bikini, headphones = unhappy husband and hide the children. Another pattern is some pictures, like this one, that focus on her, leave a lot to wonder about behind the scenes.
Thankfully for Dustin, this photo wasn’t taken amid one of Paulina’s boat parties. Rather, it was on the set of "Grown Ups 2," a movie where Paulina played a scantily clad woman in a scene shot by the water. Still though, this pic was taken at a time where it didn’t seem Paulina was expecting someone to surprise her with a camera. But hey, Dustin probably wasn't complaining when he saw Paulina's paycheck for the movie.
11 We Want Candy
Oh boy, well at least it seems all of these pictures are in the past, but with the internet, we’re right back where we started. What can we say? The mascara, just a little too much. Awful. The legs, a little too bony which just can’t be healthy. The worst part is that this image with the lollipop will forever be on the web, and Paulina will look like a _____.That is, unless Happy can open a can of whoop ___ and wipe it clean. A lollipop? Kid, you owe your parents. husband, and children big time. Nuff’ said. However, you can always stretch the truth and say you were doing an ad for Tootsie Pops. Oh well, looks like we'll just have to enjoy it for ourselves.
10 Down The Middle
Can anyone except for Paulina explain what's going on here? Is that airbrushed? Is that a tat of "99"? How long did it take to so carefully place the folds up top for 50% coverage? I think there is only one person who knows the answers, Paulina.
So in 10 years or so her children will undoubtedly find this and ask some of hose questions. I would love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. But there is an out for all of this. Maybe Dustin could invite Trump for a round of golf, get his connections to the Russian government, and have them wipe the internet clean. In any event, Paulina probably could have done without this shoot.
I guess butt shots with the hair being held provocatively are her thing. Cool. I mean really, at this point, what's the point? Just go bottomless and let it all go. Seriously. If the photo is about the youthful, seductive, wildness of youth then just let it all go and swim. There really isn't much of a butt there, so show your free spirit and dive off the board or do a cannonball. Float on a raft, swim laps, or bring a dog in the pool.
But that strip bottom is meant to be taken off and not flaunted. The other scary part is she must have a 7 inch waist, so it's time to ditch the salad bar and hit the BBQ.
8 Catching a Peek
Call Happy and the one eyed alligator! We all have our dirty little secrets and decide what to share, how much, when, and to who. That's the issue here that someone, a parent, friend, or sibling, must explain to people who can't figure it out for themselves. Poor Dustin has got to be wondering who this guy is, and for his peace of mind, stop there. But with all the other photos of various college boys in her pictures, he's got to wonder how many there were. We were all young and wild, and many of us probably have a few pictures and such tucked away in boxes, but this one, with a man nibbling at her hips while she's wearing a sexy pair of underwear, should be in that box.
7 With Friend
Girls just want to have fun! There is also a video out there, and once again, we're back to the fact that boats bring out Paulina's wild side. Here, she practices juggling her friends breasts, right one, left one, right one- you get the picture. It's non stop fun for both girls as they laugh and blush on the high seas. They seem to have so much chemistry that it's the kind of show a cruise ship, with all their unsold rooms, should think about picking up.
As I think about it, it's a great idea. Get in touch cruise lines, it's my idea, you'll never be less than fully booked, and you'll end up needing "a bigger boat."
6 Who's That?!
With Paulina the party never stops and the good times roll. But who is this guy? Who is taking the picture? Poor Dustin, as by now, as the couple shares the intimacies of their past, how can he believe the numbers? Look, I'm sure they are happily married, but somewhere in the back of his mind he must be curious. If I were him, I'd just cut off my internet connection because every click leads to more and more pictures. In fact, I could've made this a 30 list.
Paulina seemed to have a very wild few years once she turned legal but now these days seem to be well behind her. There's gotta be some regret for what occurred all these years ago.
5 Behind The Glass
Well the good new his her Gladiator, medieval gladiator costume won her first place in this Halloween Costume Part. Surprised? I love the get up, and so must have all the other arty goers. In fact, if there is ever a remake of "Pulp Fiction" she has got to be cast. If I were her and D.J, I'd explain this one ASAP to the kids. She could say she was a guard for Dungeons and Dragons, played a role where she fought a lion, helped Russell Crowe defeat his brother, or anything she can sell.
In any event, this certainly is one of Paulina's hottest shots and it is among the more tamed ones (at least she's by herself), but it might be a little too revealing for Dustin's liking.
If acting, singing, modeling, and all else fails, there's always the WWE. Not only would they have multiple options for her costume, but she'd add a million viewers to pay per view. If that's not enough, let us repitch the idea to the cruise lines. All you need is her and her friends, a ring, and the roof would blow off. And you can tell she'd be great at it, with top position easily gained and the foot action. Paulina looks like she can take of herself, and this one can be easily explained. The brunette was making unwelcomed advances toward Dustin, and she wouldn't stand for it. I just hope Jerry Springer doesn't get a hold of the tape.
3 HANDS OFF!
This hurts. I’m sure he is a really nice guy, and many male teens would be envious, but this has got to hurt mom and dad and make them want to erase the internet. As a dad, don’t you want to slap that “I’m cool, look at me” gangsta’ grin. Don’t you want to break those two fingers, grab that hand on your daughter’s buttocks and twist it behind his shoulder. And what is she doing holding a glass of champagne with her fingers on his nipple. Time to bring in the entire Oilers team, boys from the prairies and mill towns to show these kids how lucky they are to be born of privilege. I can hear the entire Great White North shudder.
2 Out Of Control
Don't bother calling Happy for this one, call Bob Barker! This must have shocked the Gretzky world more than Steve Smith shooting the puck off the back leg of Grant Fuhr for a goal. First, who is this dude with a glamour boy pose, cigarette, and… the hand. The hand! We’re not talking an affectionate hold on the knee. We’re talking mid thigh, four fingers, the leaning wrist, the cigarette, and the nonchalant pose. Look at the eyes, and did he shave his chest? Is he the modern Matt Dillon? What's worse, is in the full photo her legs are spread from coast to coast.
And Paulina, your mom did not wear those Daisy Dukes in the movie, she was the classy, uptown girl. What’s with the smirk and leg action? Do you know this guy? I get you’re young and life is just a party, but come on, think of your poor parents, soon to be hubbie, and later to be children.
1 Terrible Modeling
This is so wrong on so many levels. First, the bathing suit is hideous and tacky. Second, the bracelets and rings are even too ostentatious for Los Angeles. Third, the heels are outrageously ugly in New Orleans Saint colors. Fourth, her body positioning is grotesque, almost like an Alien is about to explode from her chest, which by the way seems to have deflated. But beyond that, the cherries in her mouth are about as low level modeling as the photo with the car. Poor Paulina’s bio calls her a model, but this shot shows she’s stuck in Modeling 1o1.
Her agent should not only be fired, but he should be tied to a goal, like Goldberg in “The Mighty Ducks,” and have pucks shot at him or her. At least the kids who collected the poster with her and the car can now tape this one next to it.