Whenever people talk about the explosion of reality television over the last 10 years on television, it’s always fun to bring up professional wrestling. They’ll tell you that it’s fake, it’s scripted and that nobody really gets hurt...just like most reality shows.
Ever since the Kardashian clan was introduced to us almost 10 years ago on the first episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the world has been obsessed with what this family of mostly beautiful brunette models is doing 24-hours-per-day, 365-days-a-year and the family obliges. Not all of their TV is good, but they produce so much of it it would be hard to always get it right, just like professional wrestling.
People might point to wrestling and talk about the crazy stories told and how that can’t be compared to real life, but let’s look at the Kardashians. The patriarch of the family, who was the lawyer for the most notorious celebrity murder case of all time dies, so the mother remarries an Olympic gold medalist and continues to have gorgeous daughters. Once they’re old enough, one of the daughters - who is best friends with the world’s biggest debutante reality star at the time - makes a sex tape and becomes famous overnight. Once fame hits the family the daughters start marrying (and in some cases, divorcing and remarrying) famous athletes and celebrities. And the husband/dad? He’s now going to transition into being a woman very publicly.
If the Kardashians aren’t the perfect family to be in a wrestling storyline, we can’t think of a better one. Sometimes wrestlers get hurt and sometimes the Kardashians do scripted things. Who can tell what’s real or fake anymore? Either way, they both entertain us and there are certain similarities between certain wrestlers and certain Kardashians, and with that in mind, we give you 15 Kardashians that remind us of professional wrestlers.
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15 Khloe Kardashian - Molly Holly
Khloe Kardashian seems like the most down-to-earth sister in the Kardashian clan. She has a decent body, but her sense of humor and warmth are the two characteristics where she stands head and shoulders above anybody else on Keeping Up With the Kardashians. She’s a hopeless romantic who simultaneously cares the least and the most about what people think about her.
It pretty much typifies Molly Holly’s run with the WWE more than a decade ago. Whether she was with Spike Dudley in the most innocent relationship ever portrayed in wrestling, wearing her cape and mask as Mighty Molly or getting her head shaved at WrestleMania, Molly Holly was the approachable total package that most Divas of her time simply couldn’t pull off.
14 Damon Thomas - Xavier Woods
While the world was abuzz with Kim Kardashian’s weddings to Kris Humphries and Kanye West, most people don’t realize those are actually her second and third weddings. She was first married at the age of 20 to record producer Damon Thomas. You’ve not seen nor heard about him on KUWTK because he’s slammed Kim in most interviews. But, he is pretty big in the music world, having worked with Justin Timberlake, Lionel Richie, R. Kelley and dozens of other R&B heavyweights. Instead of being remembered as a musical genius, he’s going to be remembered as the husband of Kim K.
Now take a look at Xavier Woods. He’s a damn good wrestler, a heck of a funny guy and is on his way to earning his PhD. What will he be remembered for? That darn trombone. He is clearly is the brains behind The New Day since neither Big E nor Kofi Kingston rose to the heights they’ve achieved in WWE up to this point. Woods is creative, fascinating, but his obituary is going to mention the trombone. And much like his playing, his career is capable of much more than one note.
13 Kourtney Kardashian - Stacy Keibler
When the WWE Attitude Era Divas are remembered, names like Lita, Trish and Sable are on the tips of everybody’s tongue, but if you went through that period, you know that Stacy Keibler was one of the top women in both WCW and WWE during that period. One of the most naturally beautiful Divas, she’s largely forgotten because her personality couldn’t compete with those around her. The same can be said for Kourtney Kardashian, who may very well be a hugely extroverted women, but in having to compete for attention with her family members, she just doesn’t have the alpha gene needed to rise to the top. If the Kardashian obsession ended tomorrow, a year from now, most people will have forgotten Kourtney’s name, just like wrestling fans have largely forgot about Stacy Keibler.
12 Lamar Odom - Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts
This is the case of two dynamic athletes who couldn’t control their demons and how their lives spun dramatically out of control. Odom’s issues with substance abuse became very public to anyone who doesn’t follow basketball or watch Keeping Up with The Kardashians, following the recent incident of him being rushed to a hospital after collapsing at a Nevada brothel.
Roberts seems to be doing better, but his life was a similar tale, sadly documented in the documentary Beyond the Mat. Roberts spoke of his estrangement from family and his sexual deviance. Toward the end of the movie, a scene of him having just smoked crack is shown. Both men could have been remembered as greats in their profession if not for their addiction issues.
11 Kris Humphries - Daniel Bryan
Daniel Bryan was left at the altar in one of the tried-and-true storytelling tropes in professional wedding: The Big Marriage. We’ve seen it with Randy Savage, Stephanie McMahon, Uncle Elmer and more. Kris Humphries was lucky enough to have his fiance make it to the altar, but it only took 72 days for her to walk away and file for divorce. WWE used the Bryan-AJ Lee wedding as a ploy to pop ratings for Monday Night Raw while the Humphries-Kim Kardashian nuptials were filmed as a special to air on E! After Kardashian filed for divorce so quickly, people were suspicious the whole thing was just a sham. It kind of makes you wonder whether the Kardashians or the WWE is more fake.
10 Scott Disick - Dolph Ziggler
Scott Disick is best known as the commitment-phobic sometimes-current, sometimes-ex boyfriend of Kourtney Kardashian. He’s a good looking guy with his hand in many businesses, but none of them have been very successful. Despite his problems, he’s still generally liked by viewers of the show because he’s a relatable guy who serves as the everyman in a sea of absurdity.
Dolph Ziggler, both inside and outside of the ring, seems to be a commitment-phobic guy. On screen, he’s been linked to Lana, Summer Rae and AJ Lee. Outside of the ring, his reported girlfriends have included Nikki Bella, Maria Kanellis and comedienne Amy Schumer. While he’s a favorite of fans, Ziggler has had runs with WWE’s secondary belts, but whenever he seems to get traction, he just gets knocked down again. We’re guessing these guys would get along on a road trip.
9 Robert Kardashian - Vince McMahon
Aside from the fact Robert Kardashian has been dead for many years, these two have quite a few similarities. The most obvious is the quaff of grayish hair both men wore in a pompadour style. Most men outside of 1958 just couldn’t wear their hair the way the way these two did through the 1980s and early 1990s. And both, while charismatic and not afraid of the spotlight, married women who came into their own later in life. Kris Jenner turned her hot daughters into the most famous reality stars of all time and Linda McMahon made two bids to become a United States Senator. Speaking of the Kardashian kids, they sure made the best out of their familial situation, just like Shane and Stephanie McMahon did with their dad’s company. And of course, both Robert Kardashian (who rose to fame as OJ Simpson’s defense attorney) and Vince McMahon have dealt very closely with a lot of sketchy clients/employees over the years.
8 Rob Kardashian - Don Muraco
If you watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians, you’ve seen the only Kardashian brother’s steady descent into poor health and depression. This is similar to the last part of the career of "Magnificent" Don Muraco, a WWE mainstay throughout the 1980s. After seemingly being on top of the world with the Kardashians various ventures, Rob’s mental health and weight issues sidelined him and he does little more than hole-up in an extra bedroom in sister Khloe’s house these days. Muraco was an Intercontinental Champion twice, just before the explosion of Hulkamania. He was never able to find his place once wrestling became mainstream, gained a lot of weight and lost his passion. As a last ditch effort, WWE tried to make him a fan favorite, but he has said it was the most depressing time in his career.
7 Kylie Jenner - Brie Bella
On her own, Brie Bella would be a great addition to any professional wrestling roster. She can put together a match of a couple minutes, is passable on the microphone and is darn good looking. The problem comes when you put Brie next to her sister Nikki and this is the same problem when you put Kylie Jenner next to her sister Kendall. Maybe it’s that she is younger than Kendall, but she just doesn’t measure up when it comes to success, beauty and personality. There’s a reason you see far more of Kendall on their TV show and far less Kylie. If there was no Kendall, Kylie would probably get higher marks, but you can’t put her next to her sister and not have her standing in a shadow. At least she doesn’t scream, “C’mon Kendall!” the way Brie chews the scenery screaming “C’mon Nikki!” during her sister’s matches.
6 Kendall Jenner - Nikki Bella
If there was no Kendall Jenner, Kylie probably wouldn’t do nearly as much modeling. We can probably expect this to be a trend for as long as the world cares about the Kardashians. It’s really the same story with the Brie and Nikki Bella dynamic. Luckily for Brie, Nikki has turned into a really good wrestler and held the Divas title longer than anybody else. This allowed Brie plenty of screen time she wouldn’t have otherwise got. You’ve got to wonder if these sisters know the way they are perceived and what the pecking order is. Kendall is the superior Jenner sister, just as NIkki is the superior Bella.
5 Brody Jenner - Every Forgotten Member of The Spirit Squad
Dolph Ziggler, as Nicky, was introduced to the WWE as a member of The Spirit Squad, a goofy group of male cheerleaders. There were four other members of the group, but they have largely been forgotten, despite being part of one of the most overall memorable groups during a time of tremendous ratings. Brody Jenner has been on The Princes of Malibu, The Hills, Bromance and KUWTK, but we're scratching our heads to remember anything he's done on any of those shows. It's hard to stand-out in a group of sexy loud sisters, but this good looking guy should have had plenty of practice throughout his life. Now in his early 30s, its clear he's never going to rise to the fame of those around him, just like the forgotten members of The Spirit Squad.
4 Caitlyn Jenner - Pat Patterson
There are a lot of ways we could have gone with this, but we feel this is the most appropriate. Caitlyn Jenner held a secret about her sexuality for years that was widely suspected but never confirmed by the person herself. This is also the story of Pat Patterson, the first Intercontinental Champion for the WWE. Almost everyone who follows wrestling had heard rumors that Patterson was gay, but in a sports/entertainment field already ripe with homo-erotic overtones, Patterson never came out until he appeared on the WWE Network original series Legends’ House. It’s a shame that so many older people (Jenner is 66, Patterson is 74) grew up in a time when people wouldn’t be open to their sexual orientation, but it is nice to see that they are now able to live the way that nature intended.
3 Kanye West - R-Truth
We may be stretching a little bit here, but there are certainly similarities between hip-hop’s most well known performer of the last 10 years and the wrestling journeyman. While Truth, whose real name is Ron Killings, hasn’t risen to the top of his profession like Kanye, he certainly has played a character in the media who he really isn’t. On a recent episode of Table for 3, Truth talked about his five kids and what a family man he really is. Outside of the ring, when he’s not spending time with his family, he’s working on his music and should be releasing a new album sometime in 2016. West is obviously a massive musician, but he’s also a dedicated family man, having come from solid family roots. He may not like to play it to the cameras, but he really is a normal husband and father.
2 Kris Jenner - Vickie Guerrero
It only took being married to one of OJ Simpson’s lawyers and marketing her daughter’s sex tape to transform her family into a worldwide phenomenon. As the patriarch of the Kardashian clan, she plays the role of momanger perfectly, even if things might be different behind the scenes. Guerrero, much like Kris K., never planned on being in the spotlight. After her husband, wrestling great Eddie Guerrero, died, Vicki took a job with WWE to help make ends meet. Whoever decided to put her on screen probably was expecting as little as E! producers were expecting from Kris. They got gold in both cases with Vicki being one of the most grating, yet entertaining GMs in WWE history.
1 Kim Kardashian - Trish Stratus
Big breasts, pretty face, great hair and a charisma that forces you to stare even if you try to convince yourself you don’t like the woman. The love affair the world has with Kim Kardashian is very similar to the one wrestling fans had with fitness model turned Diva Trish Stratus for so many years. Upon first glance, both women appear to be the vapid type of person often found with people who look like that, but both Kim and Trish know how to the play the dumb girl act, all the while cashing in. The entire Kardashian empire is built around, and because of, Kim, much the way the Divas division over the last 15 years is largely the work of Trish Stratus mixing beauty with talent. Both of these women excelled in their fields and deserved it.
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