If you’re a Montrealer like me, you’ve probably heard – or excessively loudly yelled at a bar after a Montreal Canadiens win – the saying “CH tatoué sur le cœur”, which is French for “the CH (the Habs logo) tattooed on my heart.” The saying is meant to encapsulate the passion and love Montrealers have for their only major professional sport franchise.
Now, the amount of people who figuratively live by that statement is no doubt much lower than those who literally have a tattoo of the famous logo inked into their chest. Those who do have it are probably the hardest of die-hard fans, but at the end of the day, a little CH logo won’t land you in an article ridiculing the most ridiculous sports tattoos of all-time. The same applies to fans of any teams; I’ve met countless fanatics who have engraved their allegiance into their skin, proving their undying loyalty to whatever team they live and die by. No one can question their commitment or fandom to said organization.
The tats you’ll find below, on the other hand, will either leave you shaking your head or laughing your ass off. As you read through this list, you’ll laugh, cringe, or literally shake your head in disgust and wonder what in the world these individuals could have possibly been thinking when they decided to go out of their way and spend their hard-earned dollars on ink that would bring them nothing but shame and humiliation for the rest of their lives. Or, you might disagree and think that some of these tattoos are actually quite sophisticated, humorous and enjoyable; but if you think that, it’s possible you might just be on the list.
Either way, however you view these tats, the one thing we’ll all agree on is that they sure are fun to look at. Most are just brutal ideas, some are the result of poor execution, and some are just downright stupid.
25. This Guy Needs Something Else Between the Eyes…
It’s bad enough that this guy wasn’t even walking around New York with this abomination slapped right between his eyes (they found him in Arizona), it looks like the artist had an issue with the cramped canvas he was instructed to work upon. The classic Yankee logo is scrunched between the man’s eyebrows to the point where someone unfamiliar with the team might think just threw a couple symbols on his forehead for no reason at all other than to fill the space he wasn’t able to fill with a uni-brow.
24. Ron Mike…Who the Hell is Ron Mike?
Where to begin with this beauty? For starters, while this individual was ahead of the whole “Team (insert teenage pop star here)” fad, this man is clearly not a 14-year old girl with a crush on Justin Bieber. Strike one. Second, the photo of Tyson is anything but representative of one of the most feared fighters of this generation. He has the same expression on his face that a rhino might have as you are about to feed it a carrot (I know this because I fed a rhino at a zoo once). Strike two. Last but not least, the letter “I” in “Iron Mike” appears to begin over the top of the man’s shoulder…meaning only people standing at any point higher than him would see the entire word.
For everyone else, the Team Tyson is led by Mr. Ron Mike. ‘Yer outta here!
23. Shameless Contest Decisions
It would appear that this guy sold his soul to win some tickets to a Lakers game. There’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed when it comes to winning prizes, but this guy went WAY over it. However, the man in question, David “Tattoo” Gonzalez (an appropriate moniker) explained that he not only got tickets to a Lakers playoff game, the tattoo also helped him land a job at a local radio station (KDAY AM 1580). For his sake, though, I hope the Lakers won that night.
22. You Knew There Would be a Tebow One…
Compared to some of the more extravagant Tebow artwork out there, this almost seems tame. However, the Blade-style font just pushes this over the top. I never thought I’d picture Tebow in a long black trench coat/cape with knifes and swords protruding from every possible holster, but it seems like this guy had that image vividly in mind. In any case, with hindsight this tattoo seems totally ill-advised and is now even more ridiculous than it was to begin with.
21. “Mess” of a Tattoo
This guy had the right idea; until he actually told the artist what he wanted the tattoo to look like. If anyone deserves a tattoo commemorating their leadership ability, it’s Mark Messier; his leadership as the captain of a professional hockey team and not as the main attraction at a freak-show, that is. I’m aware that this is just a tattoo, but not only does it look ridiculous, his body proportions are scarily off. If they were trying to replicate Mess, they somehow got the impression that his chin was way off to the right and that his front teeth were larger that his skates.
20. Can’t Tell if This Guy is a Bostonian or a New Yorker
While researching for this article I came across several fantastic Boston mash-up tattoos. This one, at first glance, probably seems somewhat normal, if not a bit “out there.” Upon closer review, however, it’s unclear whether this guy is a Boston fan with a dark side or someone who just hates everything about Beantown. The Celtics shamrock is burning, which in turn is melting the Red Sox logo. This in turn make it easier for the Patriot head to stab right through the “B,” all while they all sit upon a bed of thorns and bones the Boston Bruins logo as the centerpiece. If anyone can figure this one out, please let me know.
19. Pudgy Isles, Pooh as Always
Maybe this individual is a big Isles fan who also enjoys watching Winnie the Pooh marathons on off nights, so they decided to save time, money and space by combining the two into one tattoo. Whatever the reason, it comes as absolutely no surprise to see that this happened to be the team this person was rooting for. If the Isles owners, or even GM Garth Snow, see this tattoo, do not be surprised if they trade two first round picks for the rights to this tattoo as a live mascot. They may even throw in a top-prospect to sweeten the pot (get it?).
18. Unforgotten, but Always Underwhelming
Another well-thought out idea that was poorly executed: for one thing, guys, do not mistake not having abs as an excuse to tattoo a giant Dolphin on your stomach. Bad idea. This picture is made even better by the man’s reaction and the score directly above his head. As a Dolphins fan, even I have to warily admit that we haven’t forgotten 1972 because there hasn’t been much else worth remembering since then.
17. Wayne Gretzky as a…?
If anyone would like to take a wild guess as to what exactly the point was here, by all means, let’s hear them. My best guess would be his head is a goal light…except goal lights in hockey aren’t yellow. The other issue: what exactly is this supposed to represent? In what way does this tattoo encapsulate the greatness of The Great One? So I have absolutely no clue what to make of this, other than say that it is as bad (if not worse) than the Messier caricature.
Besides, we all know who has the best Gretzky tattoo…(hint, it’s his daughter. Happy Google imaging!).
16. Die-Hard, Tat-Hard
An all-time classic that needs no introduction, this man went all-out in displaying his love for the Raiders. You have to really, really, REALLY love your team to deface your entire head, to make the same simple point over and over again, to go through the agony of that needle inking the same message into your skull over and over again…I guess the one benefit of having this monstrosity all over your face is that people will probably not bother you, thinking you are delusional, or will not mess with you, thinking you are insane.
15. Charlie’s Biggest Fan
Why anyone would get a tattoo of an athlete just standing there, doing nothing in particular, is beyond me. Why anyone would get that type of tattoo and make Charlie Villanueva the subject of that tattoo is beyond human comprehension. Well, except for this guy, of course – and maybe Villanueva…maybe. Charlie did meet up with this guy for a few photo opportunities, but I’m not sure the trade-off is worth the ink. The autograph salvages the whole thing a bit, but not enough for it not to make this list.
14. “John Elway Belongs on my Thigh”
If there are a handful of quarterbacks who deserve to be tattooed all over someone’s leg, John Elway is arguably one of them; if this wasn’t 2014 and we weren’t living in the society that we do, I would be scratching my head as to why that would even be a real sports-related topic of discussion. But it is what it is. That said, it’s still a little odd to have a massive mug shot of another man covering your entire thigh, for a variety of reasons, many of which I’m sure you can come up with using your imaginations.
13. Andy Ass
Another one that makes you worry about the human psyche in the 21st century. What possible explanation could there be for someone to get off their couch after watching Andy Murray win Wimbledon and say “this is a great day for Britain. I will commemorate it with a tattoo of this fine man on my bum! Let’s go lads!” In all seriousness, it appears that this man had claimed he would get the tattoo to commerate Murray should he win. Considering the importance of Wimbledon in Britain, this is almost admirable. Almost.
Sherlock Holmes should investigate.
12. Fear the Beard
The title can not only be taken literally (seriously, this is kind of scary, considering how detailed it is), but in this age of #Hashtagging almost everything we write or do, it would have been an appropriate place to have a #FearTheBeard hashtag directly below the tattoo as the piece de resistance. The James Harden beard has grown a legend of its own, but it seems that tatting a man’s facial hair on your body might be taking the fandom a bit too far.
11. Buy Your Very Own Crazy Seahawks Fan!
It is unclear whether this man was in fact putting himself up for sale, and for the convenience of presumably everyone else slapped a barcode on himself in case we wanted to go use one of those “check the price yourself” machines located in every department store in America, or if this was just the beginning of a larger, tattoo of his back as a jersey…who am I kidding, this guy just doesn’t make any sense. Go SeaFence!
10. Max? Is that you?
Besides the fact that this is not the most visually appealing body artwork we’ve ever seen, the other major issue with it is the issue of who this particular player is. It’s supposed to be Max Talbot, but for all we know it could be any player on any team. Not to mention that it looks like your classic grinder: no visor, big beard, probably just beat someone up and is now telling the opposing crowd to settle down…sure does narrow it down to Max Talbot, doesn’t it?
9. Soccer Fans are Always the Craziest
A preamble to this photo: this is a tribute to a murdered soccer star. A slow clap for this man’s dedication. However, this one is not so much crazy or awful as much as it just isn’t well thought out. For one thing, if this guy had already gone this far to show his allegiance to the team, he should have gotten the actual white stripes done as well. If you’re going to do it, make it look as realistic as possible. Secondly, part of the point of this tat must have been to show up to games like this. But what if it’s cold, or raining? Will he wear an actual jersey over his body jersey? And what if the team one day changes jerseys? Shout out for the idea, but too many issues with the final product.
8. The Toughest Knee Around
Ray Lewis was one of the toughest players in NFL history. He was one of those linebackers who would have opposing players shaking in their cleats before the ball was even snapped. Loud and brash, and sometimes just downright crazy: words often used to describe Ray Lewis…and now words we can also use to describe this guy’s tattoo.
At the very least, if he ever decides to knee someone in the face, it will probably do a lot more damage than the average knee to the face.
7. Air Jordan or Air Head?
The idea of getting an Air Jordan tattoo is an interesting one. If done right, it would probably look pretty badass. This fellow tried to be original about it, and, as you can see, failed miserably. Why people are compelled to put a logo of any kind right in the middle of their forehead is beyond me, but it seems to keep happening. Not only that, this particular Air Jordan logo has twigs for arms and tree trunks for legs playing with a basketball bigger than his head. So now I’m wondering if it’s just a beer league hockey player playing volleyball with an inflatable beach ball.
6. Crazy Soccer Dudes, Pt. 2
Ah, soccer fans. Never change. You’re all perfect just the way you are; except for this fine sir, who, while deserving of some praise for his strong allegiance to Celtic FC, should be reprimanded for the amount of other men he has tattooed on his body. One is bad enough. When you get into double digits, though…that’s when you get into how far your dedication to your team runs, and it would appear that this man’s love for the Scottish club goes is deeper than most.
5. A New Kind of Stamp
While I’m not a fan of the term “tramp stamp,” we’ll use it here for a lack of a better word. I guess for any Baltimore fan this is the ultimate turn on, but overall having two birds tattooed in this general area just seems like it would have sounded like a bad idea from the start. Apparently this woman disagrees. Not only are the logos an ill-advised decision, the “catch-phrase” is just as bad, if not worse.
4. A Throwback Manning Moment…On a Dude’s Butt
Besides the fact that this individual decided to get a picture of the Manning brothers acting “brotherly,” on his rear-end no less, why do they look like they’ve been drawn for a special episode of King of the Hill? Another thing that older siblings will notice is that Eli is the one seemingly beating up Peyton, even though we all know it’s the older brother who always provides the beatings. Unless, of course, this dude happens to be Peyton Manning, then this would be incredible and extremely weird at the same time.
3. A Confused Los Angeles Fan Hates Boston
I get the point here. I know what this guy was trying to do, but it’s another classic example of the light bulb going off in one’s head, but instead of fleshing out the idea the guy got excited and ran straight to the tattoo parlor. The most glaring issue with this tattoo is the major spelling error in the word “Boston.” We all get what the point was to signify the Los Angeles Lakers allegiance, but at the end of the day people will always be able to question whether the owner of this tattoo even knows how to spell.
2. Tebow Time!
Yet another classic. This one just had to be included. Just look at it. Majestic yet horrible, all at once. Tim Tebow was a centaur for about 8 games. Then he regressed down to a pony, and we’re being generous with that one. Now this individual has to spend the rest of his life acknowledging that he believed so strongly that Tim Tebow was an uber-human, a mythical creature, and basically the greatest dude of all time. Another “good” concept that was poorly executed; almost as poor as a Tebow spiral.
1. Sexy Rexy
Lest we forget the most notorious, shocking, and downright hilarious tattoo of them all: Rex Ryan’s wife, inked on his shoulder, wearing nothing but a Mark Sanchez jersey. Need more be said? Just relive the glorious moment in your mind, and remember when you first heard about or saw the tattoo. Classic Rexy. Kudos to Ryan, though, for confronting the public onslaught head on, and admitting everything. It takes a certain kind of man to admit that you get turned on by your wife in nothing but the jersey of a mediocre quarterback.
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