Every couple jokes about their “list”. The list of celebrities that your significant other can sleep with without it being considered cheating, and it’s something the other person has to agree with that it’s ok. Your list probably has hotties like Anna Kendrick, Kate Upton and Alexandra Daddario, but her list is probably filled with athletes; and as athletes go, football players usually top the list.
Now “the list” is always a fun little game to play because most people aren’t ever face to face with the celebrities they listed, and even if they are, it’s not like your girl will actually run away with someone, right? When it comes to NFL players, you would think most of them are pretty decent dudes who would have enough respect for you to not try and steal your girl, but you can’t trust everyone. For every J.J. Watt who seems to know and respect every person he ever meets, there’s a few players you wouldn’t want your girl being within 50 feet of.
These kind of players are the ones who give a little extra shove after a tackle; they’re the kind of players who have a bit too much contact with the receiver after five yards; they’re the ones who yell at the coach that the QB didn’t throw to them (even though the defense was out on the field) and they are definitely the ones who would steal your girl right from under you.
15. Eric Decker
The star receiver for the Titans is no stranger to hot girls, given that he’s married to model and singer Jessie James, but he’s also no stranger to some outspoken behavior as well. Whether it’s garnering a few 15-yard penalties for unnecessary roughness, or getting into a Twitter spat with the fans of New York, ED can be as outspoken as the next guy. Given how he looks, and his intensity on the field, I wouldn’t want him to be around my girl any time soon.
14. Clay Matthews
Ask any female Packers fan who their favorite player is, and 9 times out of 10 they’re going to say “Clay Matthews”, and if they don’t say CM3 is their favorite player, they’re definitely going to say he’s the hottest; this already puts you at a disadvantage when it comes to keeping your girl. On top of him already having the eye of pretty much every female NFL fan in existence, he also is one of the most intense defensive players in the league.
If Clay wanted to take your girl with the same determination he has when trying to sack the QB, there’s pretty much nothing you can do about it. He’d probably even flex and do his Predator motion after he took her too.
13. Rob Gronkowski
If there is any superstar in the NFL who would have the ability to steal your girl without even trying to do it, it’s Gronk He’s the type of guy who would roll into a party simply because he wanted to have a good time and some drinks, yet he would somehow leave with your girl around his arm. Gronk’s party lifestyle is as productive and hall of fame worthy as his play on the field. It doesn’t matter if it’s on a bus or a boat, Gronk is going to show your girl a better time than you ever could.
12. Odell Beckham Jr.
The Giants’ star wideout is one of the most outspoken in the entire league. He has no problem telling everyone who will listen that he is the best wide receiver in the entirety of the NFL, he’s even gone so far to say he’s the best overall player in the entire league. This kind of confidence can be dangerous when it comes to your girlfriend; studies show girls value confidence almost as much as looks, and OBJ as both.
Your only defense against OBJ stealing your girl might be to tie both hands behind his back, since everyone knows what he can do with just one hand. Beckham Jr. likes to live the high life as well, as he’s rubbed shoulders with the Kardashians and of course he threw that infamous Giants boat party prior to their playoff game against Green Bay last year.
11. Ezekiel Elliott
Zeke may be one of the best running backs in the NFL, but he’s also one of the most controversial. His constant legal battle with the NFL over his six-game suspension has all but eclipsed his MVP-caliber play. His off the field issues are well documented and could be a scary thing for any guy who has his girl around Zeke. His intensity and in-your-face running style has bled into his personal life, and if he’s that headstrong outside of the stadium, how quickly do you think he would be willing to steal your girl right from under you?
10. Julian Edelman
There are so many things Edelman can do to steal your girl from you. He can show up with his teammates by his side (Brady, Gronk…pick any of em), he can flash his Super Bowl rings or he can simply show off his rather impressive ability to bet on horses.
The worst part about having Edelman steal your girl is having the same feeling opposing coaches do after playing him. You’ll spend so much time making sure the #1 receivers (see number 12 of this list) and the running backs (see the next entry) don’t steal her, that he’ll sneak right up under you and steal her (while also catching 10 balls and 2 TDs).
9. Marshawn Lynch
As one of the most obnoxious people in the NFL, Marshawn Lynch would have no problem stealing your girl right in front of your face. The problem is that once he does, you wouldn’t be able to ask him about it because all he would say is “I’m just here so I won’t get fined.” Lynch would have no problem walking up to your date, dancing in front of her, offering her a bag of Skittles, and walking off with her.
And if Marshawn does want to walk off with your girl, what can you do about it? With the way he breaks tackles on gameday, there isn’t a move you could use that could bring him down. Don’t expect him to explain to the media why he did it after.
8. Cam Newton
You’d think that someone who is so willing to give his footballs to children after he runs for a TD wouldn’t be someone who would steal your girl, but it’s that kind of kindness that could be the reason she leaves. If Cam’s kindness isn’t enough to woo her, then his post game fashion sense will surely leave a lasting impression as well
Cam is also dangerous to keep by your girl because, as we’ve recently seen, he won’t be impressed with her knowledge of football. She doesn’t even have to know the game to be stolen! Cam doesn’t seem to be too willing to dive on the field for a fumble, so as long as you keep her hard to get, you should be fine.
7. DeSean Jackson
Widely known as one of the fastest players in the NFL, DeSean will be able to steal your girl before you even know he’s in the club. Not only can he steal her quickly, but his versatility as a wideout and a punt/kick returner means he’ll be able to come at her from a variety of different angles, and once he has her, you won’t be able to catch her.
Although if DeSean Jackson is as careless with her as he is with the football, after he steals your girl, there’s a good chance he’ll throw her away before he reaches the endzone.
6. Travis Kelce
Arguably the best tight end in the league (when healthy), Travis Kelce represents everything bad when it comes to meeting with your girl; he’s also completely unafraid of you. If someone is good enough and confident enough to openly taunt Josh Norman on the field, you know he has no problem trash talking you. Take into consideration his recent ejection for throwing his towel onto the field, his determination makes sure he always gets what he wants.
The worst part about losing your girl to Kelce won’t just be because she’s gone, but because you’ll have to see her on Kelce’s TV show, “Catching Kelce”. And nothing’s worse than seeing your (now) ex with her new boo everywhere you look. It’s hard for someone to resist getting some exposure on TV.
5. Richard Sherman
He’s the best cover corner in the NFL, he’s not afraid to mix it up with every opponent he faces, he’ll openly criticize his coach, he never holds back his disappointment, he won’t even admit to liking his own quarterback, and he will speak his mind on national TV. Richard Sherman is as likely as anyone on this list to come in and steal your girl.
Because he has the perfect combination of skill, swagger and an IDGAF attitude, not only is it likely that Sherman will steal your girl, there is nothing you can do to stop him if he wants to. The best offenses in the NFL can barely stop him, what chance do you think you have? You’d better hope he’s playing a soft zone coverage.
4. Josh Norman
Talent wise, Josh Norman is right up there with Richard Sherman as one of the best cover corners in the NFL. And while both Sherman and Normal are legendary trash talkers on the field, Norman is more likely to allow his temper to get the best of him and actually fight about it. This means that not only are you going to have to contend with Josh Norman wanting to steal your girl, he will straight up fight you for her.
Norman is such an issue that he was traded just so he could get out of town. Instead of waiting for him to steal your girl, you might try getting him so frustrated that he wants to leave your town and just trade him away.
3. Michael Crabtree
After making one of the most amazing and clutch catches in NCAA Football history (and dreaming it the night before), Crabtree went on to provoke the ire of the NFL by receiving improper benefits from none other than Dion Sanders. Nothing was ever proven, but it sends a message to you about your girl: Crabtree has powerful and famous friends. If his talent as a receiver in the NFL isn’t enough to take your girl, showing up with Primetime in his corner isn’t going to help anything.
2. Jay Cutler
Jay Cutler just doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about finishing the NFC Championship game because he’s a little banged up, he doesn’t care if he throws one of his many interceptions to the Packers, he doesn’t care about being a broadcaster and he doesn’t care if your girl is taken.
Jay would be the kind of guy who will show up 20 minutes late to your party, dressed in a ratty tshirt and flip-flops and not look interested in anyone else’s conversation, yet he would still try and steal your girl from you. Unforutnately for Jay, he would come at her so lazily that she would most likely just tell him “no”.
1. Jameis Winston
Jameis is one of the hottest up-and-coming quarterbacks in the league today. His ability to run and throw makes him a nightmare for potential defenses and he’s poised to make the leap into elite status really soon. Unfortunately for Jameis, he has a rather lackadaisical view of possession. Stealing is something that allegedly is in his past, so you can’t be too careful when he’s around you and your girl.
I don’t know where your girl is going to rank on the scale of “leave it” to “crab legs”, but if you’re not careful, you could turn around and both Jameis and your girl could be out the door.
It was never proven that Jameis stole anything back then, so there’s a chance it could be anyone else on this list who stole your girl, but if stealing is in their background, you just never know…
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