Pittsburgh Penguins superstar Sydney Crosby is perhaps the most polarizing personality the NHL has seen since Sean Avery and Jeremy Roenick plied their trade in the ‘90s and 2000s (Although Boston’s Brad Marchand is making a serious run at the title, especially of late).
If you’re a true hockey fan, there’s no in between on your opinion when it comes to the 29-year-old Nova Scotia native. You either harbor a deep, seething hatred for the two-time league MVP, or you regard him as Pittsburgh’s savior, the second coming of Mario Lemieux and the best thing to happen to the NHL since the abolishment of the two-line pass.
Of course, most non-Pittsburgh fans come down on the seething-hatred side. They cite his incessant whining, his fragility, his entitled attitude and the fact that sometimes it seems like he’s immune to the rules of the game. Of course the one thing that can’t be argued is his elite playmaking ability as one of the greatest players in the league right now. He’s a two-time Cup winner, a six-time All-Star, has twice led the league in points and has five 100-point seasons in his 12-year career.
But the way he goes about accomplishing those accolades is what chaps most of his detractors, and trust me, they don’t hold back the online ridicule. With boundless derision for Sid the Kid strewn across the interwebs, here are 15 Sidney Crosby memes that are absolutely Savage. A. F.
15 THE BEARDLESS WONDER
Is there anything more degrading for a man than an indictment on his masculinity? Try as he may, Crosby, a grown-ass man approaching 30 years old, still can’t grow any meaningful facial hair, and when he tries, he only invites more ridicule with his pathetically patchy excuse for a beard. Then there’s that thin, dirty mustache he thought looked good sometime back around 2012 or 2013 that only made him look like some nasty creeper on skates.
The other thing Crosby’s got going against him is his smug little baby face that makes you want to drop the gloves and punch it the second he lines up on the other side of the faceoff dot. With that and his stupid peach fuzz, he’ll probably never shed that “Sid the Kid” nickname.
14 FRAGILE SNOWFLAKE
Ever since he suffered multiple head and neck injuries in a relatively short time span back in 2011 and 2012 that forced him to miss over 100 games over the course of two seasons, Sidney Crosby has been saddled with a reputation for being weak and injury-prone, especially when it comes to bumping his head.
It didn’t help that he kept having setbacks during his recovery period, either. When he finally did come back, everyone – Penguins fans especially – held their collective breath whenever he went into the corner or absorbed even the slightest hit on the boards. He has since had a broken jaw, been diagnosed with the mumps and suffered another concussion just last year. There’s no two ways about it, the kid’s injury-prone, and people love to make fun of it.
13 A CUP-FULL
Sidney Crosby is like your bratty little 12-year-old cousin that annoys the hell out of you at the family Christmas get-together and then goes crying to his mommy as soon as you finally confront the little piss-ant. Likewise, Crosby likes to stir the pot with a glove to the face after the whistle or an annoying slash to the back of the legs on the back-check and then turtle away or hide behind a linesman when one of his opponents finally takes exception and decides to get physical.
He needs to grow a set, step up to the proverbial plate and face his challengers like a man instead of taking little cheap shots and skating off like a coward. This meme alone describes exactly what a lot of other NHLers think of him.
There is nothing worse than a complainer, and Sidney Crosby is the NHL’s most notorious one. Seriously, he could take a perfectly legal check or have the puck take a weird bounce off the dasher board and he’ll throw his hands up in protest like the entire universe just wronged him for the eleventy-billionth time.
He plays the perpetual victim as if the rules should be slanted in his favor and voices his displeasure like a whiny little pre-schooler who had his Lincoln Logs taken away from him. Again, this perfect meme calls out his inability to accept treatment as anything but a prince. Crosby cries at the drop of a hat, and as you can see here, the internet isn’t afraid to call him on it.
It’s like the worst of both worlds. When Sidney Crosby isn’t being a petulant crank, skating around like somebody just killed his dog, he’s getting mouthy with everybody who crosses him, from the on-ice officials to the opposing coaches and even the fans.
You can’t win with Crosby. He lacks class, lacks humility and rarely has the decency to be a normal, well-mannered citizen of the world unless he’s in front of the camera doing an interview with Pierre McGuire or filming a commercial for his latest endorsement deal. Would it really be too much for him, just for one time in his life, to display a little sportsmanship as the star player he is in one of the world’s classiest professional leagues out there?
I won’t make the obligatory “and the Academy Award for best diving act goes to” comment, but I will say that Sidney Crosby flops worse than a British Premier League striker and LeBron James combined, and this meme is hilariously on point. The dude turns a harmless stick-check to the shoulder pads into what looks like a devastating clothesline and the slightest open ice contact into a crushing blow that sends him airborne like he just collided with a Mike Tyson uppercut.
Plus, do I even have to bring up that time with the incidental contact between good ol' Sid and the linesman that, according to his body language, took Crosby’s head clean off? Either he’s fishing for penalties or he’s the best hockey player in the league who can’t stay on his feet. I’ll let you decide.
9 MOST CONCUSSED MAN IN THE WORLD
Look, we all know the dangers of repeated brain traumas; it’s surely no laughing matter. But if this Crosby meme about his susceptibility to getting concussions doesn’t at least make you smirk, then we’ll need to send out a search party for your missing sense of humor.
The Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World” template doesn’t work for all attempts at humor, but anything that takes Crosby down a peg from his overly-celebrated career and pokes fun at his delicate little body is worth its place on lists like this.
In reality, Crosby has only had three – or maybe four – documented concussions, so it’s not like his career greatly suffered due to repeated injury or anything. C’mon, y’all, lighten up a little.
8 CRY & SOB
It’s funny how satisfying it is when coincidental little things like this turn out the way they do. For a guy regarded far and wide within the hockey community as an ornery little baby who cries and complains at the drop of a hat, the fact that you can rearrange his last name into the words “cry” and “sob” must be life’s little way of letting us know that it’ll all come back around in the end.
So, yeah, Crosby whines… a lot. But, I’ll bet there are more than a few guys in the league right now who would be more than willing to give him something to actually cry about. As far as this meme goes, though, it’s less savage and more just pointing out a fact. Still true and still hysterical.
7 CROSBY CONTROLLER
You’ve gotta wonder sometimes how Crosby finds the time to score all those points when he’s constantly committing egregious embellishments, complaining to the officiating crew and doing cheesy rink-side TV interviews with NBC’s Pierre McGuire.
I’ll admit it: I think the PlayStation controller memes are some of the most hilarious ones out there. It works well with hockey, too, since there are always so many different controls in the actual video game, so you can just load up on things like “DIVE” in this one for Crosby.
I especially like the “TALK TO PIERRE” command. What better way to bust the balls of both Sidney AND NBC for the obvious love affair with golden boy Crosby? Ten out of 10 on this one, boys.
This meme is savage to the core. Brilliant, funny and accurate to the T, but savage. Again, calling into question Crosby’s masculinity and referring to him as a woman – a hormonal one at that – cuts deep, and whoever the diabolical creator is knows exactly how to get under the skin of Sidney fans everywhere.
I guess when you run from fights, crumble to the ice at the slightest hint of contact, whine to the ref about literally everything and miss dozens and dozens of games from an injury you can’t quite recover from while carry on this way your entire career, you’re bound to be called crude names like the always-popular one above. The attention to detail on this meme is what really takes it to the next level.
5 ANGRY CHARA
If you know the whole saga about Crosby being an annoying little gnat and complaining about a henious “punch” to his healing broken jaw by Bruins big-man Zdeno Chara during the 2013 Stanley Cup Finals, you’ll definitely appreciate this meme.
Like the whiny whiner he is, Crosby complained about Chara’s alleged face-shot a full TWO WEEKS after the fact, in a manufactured controversy only Crosby and his agent could cook up. In reality, it was Crosby who made first contact with Chara in a post-whistle scrum that was happening in front of the Bruins’ net, and Chara, the tall dude that he is, simply pushed Crosby out of his way.
I’m sure if the 6-foot-9 defenseman really wanted to do some damage to little Sid, he would have. It was all ridiculous to Chara, so this meme of him finally destroying Crosby is amazing in every way.
4 SLASH CROSBY
In one of the most recent examples of why people all around the league hate Crosby on a personal level, the sniveling little sprite decided to come in, stick swinging, on Ottawa Senators defenseman Marc Methot as he was carrying the puck into the Penguins’ zone during the first period of a late-season game earlier this year.
The result of Crosby’s reckless stick-work was the bloody, nearly completely severed fingertip of Methot’s left pinky, hence the reference to Slash, lead guitarist from Guns 'n' Roses, in this meme.
It’s pretty clever, actually, especially since Crosby, in all his smugness, declined to apologize to Methot and blamed everything on a lack of adequate protection, saying “It’s dangerous when you get one in a bad spot.” Well, thank you, Captain Obvious.
3 COWARDLY PENGUIN
It’s not just internet trolls who are getting in on the Crosby-bashing memes anymore. The Philadelphia Daily News offered this brutal blow to Crosby’s reputation on their front page back in 2012 prior to Game 4 between the Penguins and Flyers in the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
Hey, PDN writers, tell us how you really feel about Sid the Kid – not that any of us would disagree necessarily.
The tabloid admitted that they were trying to sell papers, but it definitely got the point across. Philadelphia fans hold nothing back when it comes to their disdain for Crosby and all his wicked ways. This just shows how far they’re willing to go to get the point across. For what it’s worth, the Flyers ended up winning the series in six games.
Have I mentioned yet that Sidney Crosby is a notorious diver? Oh, right. Well, why stop now? Let’s rehash it with this enlightening meme about just how much the internet thinks Crosby is a pansy. On the left, we observe the pre-established fact that Sidney Crosby puts on an act any time somebody makes the slightest contact with him.
On the right, we’re reminded of Greg Campbell, who absorbed a slapshot from Sid’s teammate, Evgeni Malkin, while killing a penalty during a Stanley Cup Playoff game in 2013 that actually broke his leg. But Campbell got up, broken leg and all, and finished the shift, which says a lot about both his toughness and his character.
As for Crosby, well, this meme exists, so I’ll just leave it at that.
1 WHAT HE ACTUALLY DOES
Depending on who you ask, Sidney Crosby does a lot of different things, and this “What I Actually Do” meme pretty much sums all of them up in one handy graphic. To his friends, he’s a star hockey player. To his mom, he’s a champion (of course). To the Penguins, he’s the second coming of Lemieux. To the other players, he’s a whiny baby, and to himself, he’s God’s gift to Canadian hockey.
Of course, we all know the real story, and if you haven’t caught on after 14 entries on this list, I can’t help you anymore. He’s a cry baby. He whines, he complains, he protests, he makes a fool of himself when what he really needs to do is stand up, show a little self-respect, roll with the punches and keep doing what he does best: score goals and become the next greatest player in Pittsburgh Penguins history.
Rant over. Article over.