As another NHL season begins, so too does fantasy hockey. With the season already underway, many teams have been drafted, but there is still time to get a leg up on your opponents with a witty name for your fantasy team. A great team name can raise the profile of a struggling squad and set the tone for a dominant one. Whether you have drafted a team that will contend for the championship or one that will require some waiver wire sorcery, this list will have a team name for you.
Fantasy hockey can be a grueling test for a struggling manager, so it is important to enjoy the little things, like a clever team name, to maximize enjoyment. The daily hassle of setting lineups is far more enjoyable when your players are proudly representing a properly named fantasy franchise. Aside from proving your sports knowledge and making money, having fun is one the most important part of fantasy sports. Everybody loves a good pun and these team names are full of them.
This hockey season will surely see new superstars emerge and familiar faces continue their success. While fantasy leagues don’t offer the immortality of engraving your name on the Stanley Cup, they do offer fans an opportunity to claim bragging rights over their friends. For many it is a yearly tradition that unifies friends and families. Fall is here and hockey is finally back! Here are 25 names for your fantasy hockey team this season.
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25 Giroux Better Yakupov Me Bro
Claude Giroux is not a man to be messed with, and the Philadelphia Flyers work very hard to keep him out of trouble and on the ice. Nial Yakupov struggled through a sophomore slump, but hopes to rebound with a better third season in the NHL. If your fantasy team is lucky enough to employ both of these players, you should be rewarded with a great team name.
24 Brooklyn Islanders
Next season, the New York Islanders will leave the Nassau Coliseum, which has been their home for the organization’s entire existence. The Islanders are the latest team in the region to leave for the comforts of the Barclay’s Center in Brooklyn. Hipsters and Isles fans alike can get a head start on the move, by being early adapters and using the new name immediately. The best way to salvage your fantasy street cred is by staying ahead of the curve.
23 Kane Cousins Cab Company
On August 9, 2009, Patrick Kane and his cousin James were arrested for roughing up a Buffalo taxi driver after giving him a $.20 tip. The pair were eventually cleared of felony charges, but did plead guilty to lesser charges of misdemeanor assault, theft, and harassment. Thankfully they left us with a legacy of fantasy team name ridicule to go along with Patrick’s Stanley Cups. Whether you are mocking his reputation for partying too hard or tipping too little, you can’t go wrong poking fun at Patrick Kane.
22 Everyday I’m Byfuglien
This name has been in use consistently in my fantasy leagues over the last several seasons, and for good reason, because Dustin Byfuglien is awesome. Last season he showed up to training camp severely overweight, but this season he looks ready to go. The defenseman has a killer slap shot and outstanding body awareness. Not to mention his name fits perfectly when inserted into the lyrics of Rick Ross’ classic “Hustlin.”
21 Staal in the Family
The beauty of this team name is that your only have to have one Staal brother to make it work. However, for the gimmick to truly work, an owner of Staal in the Family will have to commit to drafting all three Staals and picking up the youngest brother Jared during his rare NHL appearances. Jordan, Eric, and Jaren currently all play their hockey in Carolina with the Hurricanes and Checkers, while brother Marc is coming off of a Stanley Cup appearance with the Rangers.
20 Broad Street Bullies
You can never go wrong with choosing the nickname of the team that defeated communist ideals during the heat of the Cold War. In 1976, before the Miracle on Ice, the Broad Street Bullies laid a legendary beat down on CSKA Moscow, the Red Army Team. The Flyers jumped out to an early 2-0 lead in the first period and proceeded to physically dominate the Russian team. Russian coach Konstantin Loktev pulled his team from the ice in protest of a hit on their star Valeri Kharlamov. Flyers Chairman Ed Snider told the Russian team to finish the game or forfeit their appearance fees. Eventually CSKA Moscow capitulated, the game finished 4-1, and capitalism prevailed.
19 Barry Melrose Hair Club for Men
Everybody loves great hockey hair and few figures in the game have had more iconic hairstyles than former coach and current commentator Barry Melrose. Whether it was the beautiful flowing mullet the he sported on the bench as the coach of the Los Angeles Kings or the slicked back version that he currently sports at ESPN, Melrose has undeniably great hair. While his predictions aren’t always spot on, his enthusiasm for the world’s coolest sport never waivers.
18 Letang Clan
Kris Letang signed an eight-year deal with the Pittsburgh Penguins this summer after suffering a stroke midway through last season. Letang’s incredible recovery and courage deserve to be rewarded by having some fantasy teams named after him. What better way than to celebrate him along with the legendary rap crew that gave us the Rza, the Gza, Inspectah Deck, Ghostface Killah, Raekwon the Chef, Method Man, U-God, and ODB.
17 Calm Down I was Olli Jokinen
Smack talk can get a bit serious in fantasy hockey, and what better way to remind your league that it is only a game than to honor the Finnish veteran Olli Jokinen? Over the last decade and a half, Jokinen has been a well-traveled journeyman center that has produced some decent fantasy numbers. Jokinen’s fantasy projections have dropped for this year, but he could end up being a major contributor for his new team, the Nashville Predators.
16 Vokouna Matata
The fantasy hockey season can be a long, grueling test of wills. Many times, there is nothing you can do other than making sure that your roster is set and hoping for the best. Tomas Vokoun is a veteran goaltender that is battling to make a return to the NHL after suffering blood clots in his leg last season. The potentially life threating condition has not stopped Vokoun from attempting a comeback at the age of 38. He has already turned down offers from several teams and looks to be waiting for the right opportunity to make an impact. In case you were wondering, Vokouna Matata means no worries.
15 Hitting the Kronwall
Niklas Kronwall is a defenseman with a penchant for delivering some of the biggest hits the league has seen in recent years. In fact, he has become so renowned for this that his hits have their own verb: to be Kronwalled. Danny Briere, Dany Heatley, and Jakub Voracek have all been Kronwalled on different occasions. Getting Kronwalled typically involves a collision between two parties, which leaves one of them lying prone on the ice wondering what happened.
14 Pietrangelo’s Mona Lisa
Alex Pietrangelo has been a major part of the St. Louis Blues success in recent seasons. Last year, he constructed a masterpiece in the form of 43 assists, and this year he looks to improve on that career high total. He was also an influential member of last year’s Canadian Hockey Team, which earned the gold medal at the Olympics in Sochi. Now in the second year of a seven-year contract, Pietrangelo should be a consistent producing defenseman, capable of helping your fantasy team succeed.
13 Voracek Yoself
Jakub Voracek has been a consistent contributor to the Philadelphia Flyers since joining them from the Columbus Blue Jackets four years ago. He has back-to-back 20 goal seasons and earned a career high 39 assists last season. Last season he also was rewarded with the Yanick Dupre Memorial Class Guy Award, given to the member of the Flyers that has the strongest rapport with the media. If you have the opportunity to draft or trade for him, you’d better Voracek yourself before you wreck yourself.
12 Streit Outta Thornton
Mark Streit is almost a perfect fantasy hockey player. Not only does his name enable you to utilize a plethora of puns, but he is also a serious contributor on the stat line. When combined with the veteran Joe Thornton, you can also make a play on words with the legendary NWA album “Straight Outta Compton.” Thornton continues to be a major contributor to the San Jose Sharks, just as he has done throughout his NHL career.
11 Dial M for Malkin
Evgeni Malkin is one of the elite talents in the National Hockey League and has been the subject of several internet memes. When he’s not delivering pizzas to students standing in line for tickets, he can be spotted swimming with whale sharks or hanging out with Vladimir Putin. Despite a disappointing 2014 season and Olympics, Malkin was a borderline fantasy success. If he can return to full health and fitness, he can certainly be one of the top performing players in the league.
10 The Quick and the Ed-ler
Jonathan Quick has earned the right to have his name engraved on the Stanley Cup twice in only six seasons as an NHL goaltender. Quick has perhaps the best name for an NHL goaltender, a name that would also be suitable for a Wild West gunfighter. This team name pays homage to the 90s Western cult classic The Quick and the Dead, as well as Alexander Edler. Edler is the Swedish defenseman that features behind the Sedin twins for both Vancouver and the Swedish National Team.
9 Easy Kreider
Chris Kreider was an important part of the New York Rangers Stanley Cup Finals run last season. He helped them during the playoffs with five goals and eight assists in only 15 games, and if that pace carries over to the regular season, he could be a great addition to your fantasy team. The former Boston College star signed a new contract this summer worth nearly $5 million over the next two seasons. Making a similar move for your fantasy team would be wise.
8 The Carey Price is Right
The Carey Price is Right is not Canada’s hottest game show, but rather the $6.5 million cap hit he costs each year for taking his place between the pipes for the Montreal Canadiens. Price has been one of the most consistent goaltenders in the league over the last few seasons. Last year, he posted a career low goals against average and notched six shutouts. Despite his best efforts and injuries, the Canadiens were ousted from the playoffs in the Eastern Conference Finals. This year, they have their sights set even higher.
7 Hiller Street Blues
Just as new Flames goaltender Jonas Hiller was learning how to walk, the classic cop show, Hill Street Blues was racking up Emmy Awards. Jonas Hiller was born in 1982 and now at the age of 32 has opened a new chapter of his life as the goaltender of the Calgary Flames. Last year, the Flames suffered through another season without making the playoffs, and the team is hoping that the acquiring Hiller will allow them to reverse their losing ways.
6 Whitney Baby One More Time
After a 21-year NHL career, Ray Whitney may finally have reached the end of the road. He is currently mulling over the idea of retirement after skating on several occasions with the Arizona Coyotes in preseason. If he does end up retiring, he will go down as one of the most underrated forwards of all time, because of his consistent point production. Despite his above average production, he was only named to two All-Star teams. If he does return to the NHL, many of his fans will be singing “Whitney Baby One More Time.”
5 Michalek’s Anonymous
Whether you are a supporter of the Arizona Coyotes or the Ottawa Senators, you can always get behind a pair of brothers in the NHL. Milan has performed well for the Senators despite struggling with injuries. However, his brother Zbynek has struggled during his stretch in Arizona, and probably should not make an appearance in your fantasy lineup. That is unless, you are a full on Michalek, in which case we have the perfect support group for you, Michalek’s Anonymous.
4 DeKeyser Soze
Mild Spoilers Ahead: Unlike the 90s classic film, The Usual Suspects, there is no mystery over the identity of Danny DeKeyser. DeKeyser performed well in his first full NHL season and received a call up to the USA team for the IIHF World Championships. The performance earned him a new two-year contract from the Detroit Red Wings, which will see him earn at least $1.3 million this season. With that kind of money we likely won’t see him limping away from Chaz Palminteri’s interrogations anytime soon.
3 Like a Spurgeon
If you need a defenseman on a good team that logs big minutes, look no further than Jared Spurgeon. Now in his 4th NHL season, Spurgeon has developed into a decent defensemen that excels at blocking shots. He rarely draws penalties, earning only 16 penalty minutes in 67 games last season. If he can increase his offensive production and assist numbers slightly, he could be a valuable addition to your fantasy team.
2 Putin’s Puck Buddies
As the President of the Russian Federation, who hosted the Winter Olympics last year in Sochi, Vladimir Putin was routinely pictured with hockey players over the last year. The country also hosted the IIHF World Championships where he was pictured with Evgeni Malkin and Alex Ovechkin. Last year, he also donned a red jersey to participate in a friendly game along with several former NHL stars like Pavel Bure. Putin scored six goals and dished out five assists in the contest.
1 Crosby Sucks
Despite being projected as the #1 fantasy producer virtually every season, aside from last year, Sidney Crosby always finds a way to disappoint. Whether it is because of his whining to officials or general crybaby attitude, he is one of the most unlikeable superstars in NHL history. Crosby sucks chants take place at several arenas throughout the league, with one even starting at the Nassau Coliseum after Crosby was hit in the face with the puck.
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