Getting a nickname in the fight world is a rite of passage. It is supposed to be something bestowed upon you from the people you train and spar with everyday. Something that characterizes who you are as a fighter while being equal parts badass and catchy. Some nicknames even transcend fighter’s given names, like Shogun Rua.
There are the truly great nicknames that will never be forgotten,‘(The Natural,’ ‘The Axe Murderer,’ ‘The Spider), and those who encapsulate a fighter to a tee (‘Notorious,’ ‘Rampage,’ ‘Uncle Creepy’).
Then we have the awful nicknames; the names that are forced and overthought and overly complicated.
For this list we are looking at the worst monikers in the UFC today, as listed by the official UFC website. We looked at every nickname in the organization and decided on which were the most atrocious that Bruce Buffer needs to sound excited about.
There are several factors that go into a poorly chosen nickname. First we looked at how well the nickname fit the fighter. If the fighter was called something like ‘Headsmasher’ and he has never earned a knockout victory, than they got strong consideration for the list.
We also looked at lack of creativity. We are not saying that a great nickname needs to be some deep, metaphorical reflection of a fighter, but rather the utter lack of trying when conceiving the nickname. As a general rule of thumb, if you could chose the nickname for your created boxer from a ‘Fight Night’ game from 2000, than you get a look.
We also looked at pure stupidity of the name. Sometimes there is something you just can’t put into some quantitative formula, if the nickname sucks you simply know.
So without further ado, here are the worst nicknames in the UFC today.
15. Vitor Miranda: “Lex Luthor”
Though the idea of nicknaming oneself after one of the greatest comic book villains of all-time does not sound like a bad idea, it is really how Vitor Miranda got stck with the name that seems so weird.
The Brazilian decided that he should give an intense stare down to a Superman statue in an airport once.
Though Miranda was never officially called ‘Lux Luther’ in competition, the UFC asked him when he entered TUF if he had a nickname. Miranda told them the story and nickname and now he is “stuck with it.”
14. Carla Esparza: “Cookie Monster”
Carla Esparza is one of the best female fighters in the world, but her ‘Cookie Monster’ moniker is pretty weak. Sesame Street is located far from the octagon.
The Cookie Monster is one of the most iconic children’s characters of all-time, but the most intimidating aspect of his persona is his unhealthy obsession with cookies.
Esparza actually got the name because of her love of sweet snacks, especially chocolate chip cookies. Just in a generality, all nicknames that refer to characters from shows largely watched by the age group ranging from two to eight years old aren’t great.
13. Yoshihiro Akiyama: “Sexyama”
Let’s face it; anyone who has ‘sexy’ in his or her nickname just comes across as an egotistical jerk. Though we are sure Yoshihiro Akiyama is a fine fellow, we still need to question a man who will stand in front of thousands of people and be called sexy.
Then when you combine ‘sexy’ into your name with the subtlety of a jackhammer, you need to ask ‘what the hell were you thinking?’
Calling yourself sexy is something that rarely even passes in pro wrestling, let alone in the UFC.
12. Louis Smolka: ‘Da Last Samurai”
We really hope that Louis Smolka did not come up with this nickname himself. First, every time we hear the nickname all we can conjure up is images of that dreadful Tom Cruise movie, The Last Samurai.
Secondly, replacing the word ‘The’ with ‘Da’ does not make you tough or street. It just makes you, and sadly Bruce Buffer, sound like a moron.
We are also unsure if you can call yourself a Samurai if your highest distinction in mixed martial arts is a brown belt in karate.
11. Clint Hester: “Headbussa”
Once again, taking a fairly suitable nickname and replacing letters to make it sound tough or street simply makes you look like an idiot. Clint Hester sports ‘Headbussa’ proudly, but why the hell he does is beyond us.
Hester was previously a professional boxer, which was not the optimal career choice considering he went 3-3-1. At least the ‘Headbussa; moniker is somewhat earned from Hester, as seven of his 11 career wins have come by knockout.
But, we can’t take a fighter too serious with such a dumb nickname.
10. Clay Collard: “Cassius”
If you were going to pick a nickname, why would you associate yourself with the greatest boxer of all-time? Clay Collard clearly only got this nickname because of his first name, but this is just asking to be ridiculed.
Seriously, whenever Collard has a fight, head over to Twitter and search his name. It is nothing but casual and hardcore fans of mixed martial arts calling him out for the nickname.
And if you are going to be nicknamed after Muhammad Ali, can you please at least be a decent fighter, which Collard is not.
9. Brian Ortega: “T-City”
The best we can figure out is that Brian Ortega’s only connection to the letter ‘T’ is that he does his training in Torrance, California. I guess giving oneself a nickname after Los Angeles, where Ortega was born, does not have the same level of toughness.
There is simply not that much to explain about this nickname except that it is simply not good. ‘T-City’ does not sound tough; rather it sounds like the name someone from a small backwoods town calls their village to sound like they are Straight Outta Compton.
8. Yosdenis Cedeno: “The Pink Panther”
A Panther is a wicked animal. They are graceful, powerful and the image of a Black Panther invokes ideas of a carnivores killing machine. ‘The Pink Panther’ makes you either think of a cartoon cat that looks like he swallowed asbestos or a clumsy, nitwitted French Detective.
Cedeno did get the nickname for his perchance for wearing pink ring gear, which is no longer a thing thanks to the UFC’s new deal with Reebok.
So whenever Bruce Buffer excitedly yells ‘The Pink Panther,’ we will always expect Cedeno to trip over his own two feet while he is posturing.
7. Steve Montgomery: “The Creepy Weasel”
Why would anyone want to be associated with a weasel? They are generally seen as conniving, sneaky and backhanded little creatures that simply serve themselves.
But not only is Steve Montgomery a weasel, he is ‘The Creepy Weasel.’
We need to assume that the nickname refers to the greasy mullet that Montgomery sported in his UFC debut, which saw him get decimated within three minutes.
Montgomery is more known for the seizure he suffered on The Ultimate Fighter than his career or nickname at this point of his career.
6. Keith Berish: “Sha Bang Bang”
We need to wonder if Keith Berish typed in his nickname into ‘Urban Dictionary?’
“Sha Bang Bang” means male genitalia of at least five inches or sexual intercourse in general, according to the dictionary.
If this nickname is some clever reference that Berish got past the UFC, it just seems childish. If this nickname just sort of happened and Berish never knew the slang meaning of ‘Sha Bang Bang,” then it is lame and he is a tad thick-headed.
The moniker of ‘Sha Bang Bang’ is just dumb either way.
5. Sarah Moras: “Cheesecake”
Sarah Moras does not have some secretly cool story about how she got stuck with the nickname ‘Cheesecake.’ In all honesty, it is one of the lamest stories to match one of the lamest nicknames.
In her first fight, Moras came out to the song Cheesecake. But not even the Louis Armstrong version, the Muppets version.
Yes, once again a female fighter is named after a dessert food thanks to a small children’s television show.
Personal admittance; Cheesecake is my favorite food on planet earth.
4. Ron Stallings: “ChoirBoy”
When you look for intimidating nicknames, most people will not naturally go down the path of religion, but Ron Stallings did. ‘ChoirBoy’ got his nickname when he was young because he would play the keyboards at his church.
Though the story is kind of sweet, referring to yourself as a high-pitched prepubescent child who sings gospel music in churches is far from intimidating.
The fact that ‘choir boy’ is also used as a slang term for a do-gooder does not help the case for this nickname.
3. Garreth McLellan: “Soliderboy”
We are going to say this to begin with; as far as we can tell, Garreth McLellan was never in the army or anything that would give him the designation of solider.
McLellan, who had attempted a professional rugby career, opted to be nicknamed after a Soulja Boy song. ‘Solier boy’ makes us think of awkward school dances when the so-cleverly written Soulja Boy song would encourage us to throw away our dignity, not a tough as nails UFC fighter.
The only other reason we can conceive he is called ‘Soliderboy’ is because he is associated with FightFit Militia.
2. Mitch Clarke: “Danger Zone”
You know what the least intimidating song ever is? If you said anything that was not performed by Kenny Loggins then you were wrong.
So why Mitch Clarke chose a nickname that conjures up images of ‘Danger Zone’ is beyond us. Aside from the song being typical 80s fluff, the association with Top Gun is not going to help. Nothing is less scary to an opponent than the thought of nearly naked men playing beach volleyball.
And as a general rule of thumb, you should never associate yourself with Tom Cruise if you want to sound remotely tough.
1. Corey Anderson: “Beastin 25/8”
There is no nickname that we have ever heard that wreaks of desperation and way too much effort like this one. Corey Anderson wanted to sound tough, but clever and instead he just has the worst nickname imaginable.
‘Beastin 25/8’ sounds like an awful MSN messenger name a 14 year old boy came up with in 2002 and is utterly ashamed of today.
Does Anderson go hard longer than anyone else is able to? Does he live in some weird time vortex that allows him to live more life than the rest of us?
If somehow Anderson does fit more time into his life, which science seems to say is impossible, maybe he can take the extra time to be a little cleverer.
Do you think there are worst nicknames in the UFC right now? Which monikers do you think are the worst? Let us know in the comments below and make sure to follow Justin on twitter at @justinhartling.
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