Park your Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber pop culture references – we’re tuning the guitars up to 11 and kicking things up a notch. Ever wondered what a soccer team would look like as a 4-piece band? Sports and music aren’t so different when you stop to think about it.
They’re escapism outlets that allow us to let our hair down after a tough week at work. Every member has to do their part for the whole operation to work. And most importantly, they’re activities that fill stadiums!
Most EPL players consider themselves rockstars. They drive BMWs to training, go to VIP parties, appease sponsors at media events and live their life around putting on a show for the audience.
Football and music have forever been linked, particularly in the UK. During the 1960s Liverpool was the place to be alive. The Beatles ruled the airwaves and the club was a dominating force in European football. Fast forward to the 1990s and the Britpop scene saw the emergence of the Stone Roses and Oasis, dividing Manchester on blue and red territorial lines.
For the biggest bands on the planet – playing at Wembley is akin to an FA Cup final. From the Foo Fighters, Metallica, INXS and U2, musicians know they’re only as good as their last gig and they need to put in 110% for the grand occasion. Sure these guys don’t get to lift a trophy at the end, but the accolades and adrenaline rush will be enough to tell the grandkids long after they retire.
If your Premier League club happened to be a rock band, who exactly would they be?
21 Liverpool – Metallica
Still cool with loads of street cred, but past their glory years. With a brand new member to breath life into the band, perhaps the appointment of Jurgen Klopp could prove to be their Robert Trujilo moment. They’ve left behind their egotistical deadweight (Brendan Rodgers/Jason Newsted) and are plotting a new course. Like Metallica, the famous Liverpool FC released a tell-all documentary titled “Being Liverpool,” giving fans an insight into operations behind the scenes. We know these two still sell out stadiums around the world and Klopp wants his team to play “heavy metal football!” For the Kop – winning is everything. Nothing else matters.
20 Watford – Eagles of Death Metal
Life’s too short to play by the rules. These two have a tenancy for the eccentric, one being previously owned by Elton John and the other led by a pot smoking showboat who wears women’s clothing on stage. Yes the Eagles of Death Metal are that fringe motley crue of rockers who always find a way to grab people’s attention. Watford’s ascendance to the EPL is on the back of utilizing the loan system to such an absurd degree they bring in players like a conveyor belt. No other club has tried to replicate this model and if they do, they’ll look like rip offs. Remember – the original is still the best! Bunch of bad asses….
19 Sunderland – Pulp
A beautiful train crash – for whatever reason they’re still around in spite of various internal and external mistakes and mishaps. Pulp had a short glory period in the 1990s but the ills of Jarvis Cocker’s drug taking stinted the growth of the band beyond the glory days. Sunderland’s supporter base in the North East is comprised of steal workers and common people, staying loyal to the cause through thick and thin.
18 Norwich City – Beck
Quiet achievers who have built a niche following for their own little market. The alternative rocker is comfortable in his own skin and knows how to play to his strengths. Bouncing up in the space of a couple of seasons meant the Norfolk outfit wasn’t keen to shy away from the spotlight just yet. The Canaries won the big playoff final when it mattered last season, handing over the loser tag to poor old Middlesbrough.
17 Southampton – Nine Inch Nails
Common consensus in the music business is to sign to a major label and to keep consistency with the band members. Nine Inch Nails throw that theory out the window, running on the clever instincts of front man Trent Reznor. Southampton go it alone on their business model, not only investing heavily in their youth market but actually giving these kids a go in the EPL. You can sense the Saints are in this together and inching ever closer to Europe.
16 Arsenal – Foo Fighters
Absolute box office, one of the biggest draw cards in the world. But when push comes to shove, are they the real deal? We know the classics – Thierry Henry and Learn To Fly, Patrick Viera and Best of You. Now the penny has dropped, are they trading on past glories? Once upon a time Arsene Wenger and Dave Grohl were on the cutting edge of the football and music scenes respectively. Have their ideas gone stale? Times like these all you want for them is to break out!
15 Newcastle – INXS
Every season the Jordie fans are promised a new sensation! Their original sin saw the club fall into the hands of betting mogul Mike Ashley. Since the departure of Sir Bobby Robson, they’ve tried to fill his shoes with less talented replacements, failing to fill the void. The same can be said for INXS post Michael Hutchence. Despite all their fame and brand recognition, they just can’t get their respective acts together. You know they’ll stick solid because you can never tear these Jordie's apart.
14 Chelsea – Kings of Leon
Once the hipsters choice, these two decided to sell out and go ultra mainstream. The moment the Kings of Leon knew how to sell a hit song on the radio, they abandoned their cult following to sell out stadiums and dominate the airwaves. Chelsea’s sale to Roman Abramovich in the early 2000s transformed them from a likeable cup team to a dominating force on the international stage. But like the band, the club have a growing list of haters as far as the eye can see.
13 Everton – Bruce Springsteen
A steady diet of Bruce Springsteen on the iTunes playlist is best coupled with the blue half of Merseyside strutting their stuff in the English Premier League. Both are institutions in the own right, making headlines around the world in the 1980s before letting others share the spotlight. Roberto Martinez has the Toffees on a great run and they’ll be hopeful the glory days will return to Goodison Park.
12 Stoke City – Marilyn Manson
We’re all stars now – in the Stoke show! The Potters have invested heavily in small creative players under Mark Hughes to move away from the stereotype that was built under Tony Pulis. These beautiful people are a contrast to the aggressive side that kicked the lumps out of people. Much like Manson, football supporters were split down the middle on Stoke’s value to the game, wanting to win by whatever method was necessary. Although their form is poor they still have the ability to shock people with their brutality and unique style that is purely theirs.
11 Crystal Palace – Queens of the Stone Age
The Eagles are starting to go mainstream, and we like the look of it! Josh Homme’s wicked creation the Queens of the Stone Age have managed to retain their core following from the late 1990s and early 2000s while bringing in a whole host of new fans as their success has skyrocketed. Palace are now in such a strong position now they don’t need to rely on fairweather friends. For their supporters it’s simply a case of sitting back and going with the flow.
10 West Ham – Arctic Monkeys
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. The Artic Monkeys are an eclectic mixture of 1960s rock’n’roll that tap our nostalgia buttons. The Irons glory days so happen to fall into this golden period, with West Ham players largely credited for helping England to their one and only World Cup win in 1966. The club are taking one for the road moving across to the new Olympic Stadium in London starting next season. Like the Monkeys, West Ham will only get stronger from here on out.
9 Tottenham Hotspur – David Bowie
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes. Spurs keep switching every year with a fresh set of new faces and appearances, but when it boils down to it they more or less end up where they always do. Both incredibly popular for their style and panache, making a huge splash in London during the 1960s. Although they might branch out to new horizons, they don’t forget where they come from. Both are proud British institutions in their own right.
8 Swansea City – Chvrches
Exciting newcomers who we expect will be around for a long time to come. In 2011 the Swans defeated Reading to earn a place in the Premier League under the guidance of former Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers. 2 years later, Chvrches would release their first breakthrough album The Bones of What You Believe, delivering an organic 1980s techno-pop-rock sound developed from the Scottish underground scene. Swansea’s growth followed a similar path and each of them have stuck to their guns with tremendous results.
7 Leicester City – Kasabian
With their unbridled enthusiasm, they’re here for a good time and not a long one. Kasabian’s bubble might have burst but only time can tell if their favorite club Leicester City will do likewise in the EPL. Such was the bond between the club and the band, when the Foxes were in the 2nd division they played the hook off the track ‘Fire’ whenever they scored a goal at home. The song would go on to be a lead in to Premier League broadcasts, so Leicester got onto a good thing before it was cool.
6 Manchester City – Oasis
We checked with Noel Gallagher and contractually speaking there is no way the blue half of Manchester can be associated with another band outside of Oasis. Until their takeover a few years back, the two had a number of parallels you could draw. The friction between brothers Liam and Noel was mimicked by a host of managers being hired and fired, and you never really knew what to expect next. City are sitting where the band were circa 1996, on the crest of a wave with the future looking bright. Hopefully for City’s sake they don’t look back in anger and keep the momentum going.
4 West Brom – Linkin Park
Are they still here? The party finished hours ago but somehow they didn’t get the hint that it’s time for someone else to have a go. The early 2000s was a crazy time for music, for God sakes Fred Durst happened – just think about that! West Brom are always that club you forget about on the EPL table, they do their thing in the West Midlands and tend not to bother anyone, much like Linkin Park do these days. If they disappear, it might not even register on our radar. Sorry Baggies fans.
3 Aston Villa – Red Hot Chili Peppers
We remember them fondly for what they were, not what they are. People easily forget Aston Villa won a European Cup in 1982 and traded on that glory for a long time since. Even a few albums before John Frusciante left the Chili’s, you could sense the hangover of the 1990s was beginning to take its toll on the Californian rockers. We know there is still some magic left in them, but the scar tissue is starting to show. Hang in there guys.
2 Bournemouth – Royal Blood
Achieving a hell of a lot on limited resources. Much like a two-piece band, the sleepy seaside town of Bournemouth is in the big leagues with a stadium capacity of barely 12,000. Despite all evidence to the contrary, this English outfit has stuck to it’s guns and put up solid results against much fancied opposition. The rock’n’roll duet Royal Blood can lay a similar claim, now tearing it up on the charts and touring the USA. One way or another these guys will figure it out.
1 Manchester United – U2
Loved, hated, ridiculously successful, universally mocked. Chances are every global fan of an EPL club once considered supporting Manchester United in the 1990s, they were everywhere! Some fans concluded they still haven’t found what they were looking for. If you stuck around you were well rewarded, packing out stadiums around the world and dominating the scene for decades. The club and band have been led by a charismatic, egotistical leaders while striking up big deals with corporate sponsors (Chevron, Apple).
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