Everyone has them. Every single wrestling fan – heck, any fan of any fighting sport – has dream matches in mind. They could be the obvious, pitting a current star against a legend from another era. Those are always fun. Sometimes, it’s putting an amazing athlete from when you were a kid, in an entirely different match that never existed in his heyday, to see how he’d do. And then, we have the really bizarre, entertaining and awesome. Which is why we are doing this today! A lot has changed with women’s wrestling of late, especially over the last five or so years. First and foremost, WWE has cultivated a number of female talents, to the point that they have an unprecedented (for them) amount of roster depth-so much so that they were able to split the division across two shows. Second, between NXT, RAW and SmackDown, WWE and its fans take women’s wrestling a whole lot more seriously than perhaps has ever been done before. Gone are the days of the costume matches, the bra and panties matches, the mud or pudding wrestling matches. No more risque photo shoots. It’s all on the up and up, right? Well, sure, except for, well… here!
Because, why can’t we explore some of the more unrealistic and dreamy dream matches for so many of the women out there today (and those who have gone before them). I will make myself abundantly clear here and now – while I might sneak in one or two actual dream wrestling matches, the kind we actually could see in today’s WWE – the majority of these matches are only ever going to happen in dreams, because today’s women are far too good for matches these low brow. So, enjoy them while we can folks. I mean, hey, it is fun to dream, right?
15. Lita Vs Trish Stratus: Bra And Panties Match
OK, fine. Sue me. I started off with two of the more iconic women from the Attitude Era, and one of the most cringe-worthy matches of all time. But, as cringe-worthy as it might be, it is also equal parts titillating-to a specific audience. And, for the sake of this effort, THAT is the audience we are pandering to. Now, I know some of you probably started off by saying “wait a minute, we kind of already saw good chunks of Lita’s underwear, as part of her ring attire.” And yes, that may well be true, but those were only glimpses, and in a bra and panties match, it’s all or nothing. And I am having a hard time imagining one person from that target audience who really wouldn’t want to see either woman stripped down to her unmentionables.
14. Alexa Bliss Vs Bayley: Old School ECW Cat Fight
Now we go from a previous era, right into the current one. Two of the hotter (in terms of success and looks) female Superstars in WWE are going to get down and do battle. But not just any battle. Oh no, these two will be booked in a throwback, an ECW Cat Fight. And if you are going down this road, there is of course only one man who can call it. That’s Joey Styles. So, why this match? Folks, if you haven’t seen the old school ECW cat fights, just Google them. You didn’t need a bra and panties match, the cat fight showed off anything and everything you could possibly want to see. And, we’d have another shot at seeing whether or not Bayley can get hardcore.
13. Tammy Sytch Vs Lita: Walk Of Shame Match
OK, I was struggling on exactly how to name this match, but this one just seemed like it had to happen. I mean, here you have two of the most prolific women in the wrestling scene, in terms of bedding male talent (assuming you read all the stories, and that even a fraction of them are valid). So, since each one seems to know her way around a men’s locker room, why not have them duke it out in the middle of the ring, one match to determine who deserves to walk the ultimate walk of shame? Granted, you might have to burn the ring canvas following the match… but at least we’d have closure, right? Might need a shot, or possibly counseling, but we’d have closure.
12. Lita Vs Trish: Iron Woman Match
OK, here is proof that these matches cannot and will not be entirely a farce. There are going to be a couple legit dream matches in here, because, well, why not? And in light of the recent success of the NXT Iron Woman matches, and the fact that those women are pretty much all main roster cogs now…why can’t we go back in time and give Lita and Trish a serious match, following their racy entry from earlier in our list? We can, and we will. But for this one, there need to be two qualifiers. First, this is not the lame 30-minute match. Nope, this one will rival Bret and HBK and go for a full hour. And it will not main event a RAW or SmackDown. Nope, this one will main event a PPV. Maybe not WrestleMania, but it will get top billing somewhere.
11. Sasha Banks Vs Nia Jax: Jell-O Wrestling
See, just when you thought I might make the turn into the more serious matches… boom, sucking you right back in to the bizarre and crazy gimmick matches. This one is just pure goofiness. Sasha and Nia are two top Superstars, and who wouldn’t want to see two Superstars clash in a ring full of… Jell-O? Yes, I said it. And I will give a bit of wiggle here. It doesn’t need to be Jell-O. I would be okay with pudding or mud as well. The point is that two women who’ve done plenty to prove that they belong, would take that fire and passion and pour it into a match that, quite honestly, doesn’t even feel like it belongs in a college hazing session. But we will enjoy watching it.
10. Tamina Snuka Vs Eva Marie: Loser Leaves WWE (Maybe Winner, Too)
This one is nowhere near as risqué as some of the matches before (or after) it. And, of the women listed, only one (Tamina) is really a wrestler for WWE now, as Eva Marie was finally phased out. But, imagine if you will, this match, only it was taking place like two years ago. You know, back when Eva was a focus of Total Divas and was still actually treated as though she possessed any sort of wrestling talent. As we all know, she didn’t and doesn’t, so this match would have been a dream for so many. And, no disrespect to Tamina or the family name, but aside from the fact of her last name, I think plenty are still wondering what she’s doing in WWE. So this match would be a loser, and possibly winner, leaving the company. A dream indeed.
9. Charlotte Vs Paige: Overexposure Match
I would be absolutely foolish if I did not look to capitalize on some recent events, good or bad, right? Of course. So in this one, it’s our overexposure match as two of the more prominent female Superstars to have been “hacked” and their nude pictures leaked all over the internet will do battle for the title of Miss Overexposed. And hey, if they would rather get into a nude pose down, so that we could decide in that fashion, then who am I to stop them? And, if we weren’t worried about who was hotter in their nudes (for me, it was Paige), then this could actually evolve into a really good wrestling match, too. I know, I know. Now I’m just talking crazy.
8. Charlotte Vs Peyton Royce And Billie Kay: Royalty Versus Icons
Yes, another tame one, sort of. I mean, it isn’t every day we have a two-on-one handicap match between two self-described icons, and the Queen of WWE…so how tame would this match be, really? It wouldn’t have to be, actually. This match, if it were to happen, could actually be a way to show Charlotte’s resilience, going against two rising heels. And it would also be a good way to re-establish the Iconic Duo, considering that of late, they’ve become some sort of comedic punchline. Think about that…it was not that long ago where the two awesome Aussies were in a position to take on Asuka and possibly even dethrone her. And now, they aren’t even close to that level. This match could go a long way toward making them that much better.
7. Ember Moon Vs Stone Cold: Stunner Versus Stunner
You can’t get any more unrealistic and dreamy than this one. Men – especially retired WWE Hall of Famers like Stone Cold Steve Austin – aren’t going to really line up for a match with a female Superstar, for a variety of reasons. Austin isn’t ever coming back to wrestle, he’s pretty much made that clear. So, he’s never going to wrestle Ember Moon in the regular universe we live in. But, in this dream universe we are writing in, why can’t we see a Stunner versus Stunner match, since these two Superstars have used the same (or similar) finisher. We are more likely to see John Cena and Austin, and we have the same hook with Cena…and we aren’t ever going to see that either. Besides, all things considered, Ember’s Eclipse stunner is more amazing than Austin’s original.
6. Naomi Vs Beth Phoenix: Glow Versus Glamazon
This one is just a dream pairing, the whole Glow versus Glamazon merely can be used as a selling point, a tag line for the match. The reality is, Naomi is a current champion and top-flight Superstar, where Beth Phoenix just was enshrined in the WWE Hall of Fame, Class of 2017. Meaning she was no slouch in her day, and both women are, or were, known for impressive feats of athleticism. So, pitting these two fierce females against one another could be one extremely entertaining, dream main event level match. It won’t ever happen, of course, but that’s why we are doing these things called “dream matches.” No, this isn’t necessarily a WrestleMania-level dream match, but it’s a very good match if ever we were to get it.
5. Asuka Vs Charlotte: Royalty Match (Empress Vs Queen)
This one, honestly, you could set up as a women’s Queen of the Ring tournament finale. Yes, WWE should totally do that. And what better match to cap it off than a match pitting WWE’s self-proclaimed Queen – Charlotte – against the Empress of Tomorrow in Asuka. It is only a matter of time before Asuka and her currently perfect record show up on the main roster, and there are a ton of dream pairings that await her. Putting her in the ring against Charlotte is, quite possibly, the biggest dream pairing there is. And, it would be a great way to do one of two things. Either really elevate Charlotte, or establish just how impressive Asuka is and can be. If booked right, the match could actually do both a great deal of good. And this is certainly a match that would be worthy of at least being in the discussion to main event a major PPV.
4. Chyna Vs Nia Jax: Hotter Than You Think Match
This one is just so obvious, right? But it is also obvious that it has to happen in the dream universe, Chyna being deceased and all. The theme of the match? Hotter than you think, a fight to give the winner bragging rights as the hottest and strongest female Superstar of all. Even if you took out the sexy bragging rights, this match could be the female equivalent of like, Hogan and Andre The Giant, or Hogan and Ultimate Warrior. Okay, neither one of these is quite at that level, but the idea is, they are as close as we may have ever seen, in the women’s division, of the proverbial unstoppable force meeting the immovable object. It would be that kind of spectacle, and I for one wish we could have seen it.
3. Best Bust Brawl
How much fun would it be, if you pitted like, the ten best sets of chests in WWE (or in wrestling in general) in a boobs battle royal? Winner, of course, would win the Cup that Runneth Over! I mean, you are talking about Sable and Charlotte and Stephanie McMahon and Torrie Wilson and Eve Marie and the Bella twins (and their twins). I mean, it would be complete and total mammary madness! Total and absolute, complete titillation! May the breast woman win, right? Okay, that is almost too many boob puns, but Jerry Lawler would be in his glory for this match. Which, of course, is why he absolutely must commentate it. And this match? Maybe it’s not even on a PPV… maybe they just have to run this on Spice Channel. Is that even still a thing?!
2. Mae Young Vs Charlotte Vs Trish Vs Lita Vs Glamazon (Greatest Of All Time Challenge)
Really and truly, if we are making a list of dream matches that we never got to see, they can’t all be predicated upon appealing to the idea that sex sells and that’s what we need. I’ve kept a few in this list that could be legit dream matches embracing the women’s athletic skills, and this one would be the best of the bunch. The idea? Quite simple, really. In any sport, there is always a debate amongst fans of different eras, as to which generation’s star talent was better. In most cases, there’s at least some statistical analysis to back things up, but not in wrestling. So why can’t we have a dream fatal five-way? Or, if you really can’t decide on a handful of women, make it a women’s Royal Rumble, in order to determine who is the best WWE women’s wrestler ever.
1. Torrie Wilson Versus Stacy Kiebler: Victoria’s Got No Secrets Match
Let’s be honest: these two women have already clashed in one of the most insanely popular lingerie matches of all time. Maybe the most popular one, actually, And while these women could survive in the ring, we all know that what got them traction in WWE was mainly their stunning good looks. And, if you ask anyone that saw the first match, you’d know that these women know how to look absolutely stunning in lingerie too. So why not spice it up and get a rematch. Stage it in some crazy location, too, like in an actual Victoria’s Secret, or perhaps even crazier than that. Like, the Playboy Mansion?! In the end, location won’t mean squat. Everyone who wants this match wants it because of the overwhelming desire to see these long-legged cuties in lingerie. And that part is worth it.
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