15 Hilarious Pictures Of Drunk Wrestlers

While they complete feats of daring-do with varying degrees of success on a near-daily basis for our amusement, it’s important to keep in mind that pro wrestlers are just like you and I. They have their coffee in the morning, they work hard for at least eight hours, they get harassed by slack-jawed yokels at the airport, and when their tasks for the day have all been concluded, they’ve got to get properly torn the heck up.

WWE would like us to believe otherwise and keep its human action figures on pedestals above us mere mortals, but we all know the truth. Here, we’ve collected photos of multiple big name sports entertainers enjoying glorious, life-affirming, perfectly legal and easily obtainable booze.*

It’s important to remember that everyone depicted in these photos is over the age of 21. If you are under 21 years old, we discourage drinking alcohol, even if you have a sufficiently convincing fake ID or know someone who will purchase alcohol on your behalf. It’s also important to only consume alcohol in responsible, reasonable amounts. Sure, you might be able to impress your buddies by shotgunning 13 cans of PBR in a row, but their mild admiration won’t do you much good when you wake up in the morning naked in a dumpster behind Whole Foods, with no recollection of the events that led you to this sorry state.

We drink. Wrestlers drink. So do police officers, fire marshals, tax attorneys, and obviously, your mom. The Budweiser Corporation continues to make billions of dollars every year. Feast your eyes upon these pictures of wrestlers in varying degrees of intoxication, experience their inebriation vicariously, and feel their drunken power in your gullet.

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15 Paige 

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Here’s Paige enjoying a post-match brew. Literally anyone can drink beer out of a plastic cup and have someone else take a picture, but only the mighty few like Saraya-Jade Bevis can do so while looking like a total ass kicker.

She claims otherwise, but it nonetheless seems plausible a tendency to party landed her and boyfriend Alberto Del Rio in WWE’s doghouse when they both failed a Wellness Policy Exam back in August. To indulge in baseless speculation -- which, we admit, is a little irresponsible -- it’s a little suspicious that both members of a couple were suspended for flunking the substance screener at the same time. WWE wouldn’t suspend two of their most talented, hard-working employees for something as trivial as smoking marijuana, would they?

Allegedly, Adam Rose wound up suspended for what’s essentially ADD medication he says he had a prescription for. It seems possible the Wellness Policy may have taken a needlessly draconian turn. Hopefully WWE officials lighten up so Paige can get back to kicking people in the face and dropping them on their heads sooner rather than later.

14 Dean Ambrose

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Because of his mannerisms and the way he slightly slurs his speech while doing promos, we have no real way to tell the difference between Dean Ambrose after 11 beers and Dean Ambrose sober. But he might have a legitimate buzz on in this photo! Blood loss lowers alcohol tolerance, which is why it’s inadvisable to pound a handle of Rubinoff after participating in a blood donation drive or to do much drinking at all after you’ve experienced heavy blood loss.

However, Dean Ambrose drinks beer and then pretends to hit people in the brain and then drinks more beer. He doesn't need to follow these needless rule, he's The Lunatic Fringe... or whatever he was called at this time.

Steve Austin is smiling somewhere.

13 Bo Dallas

via ukff.com

We switch focus to a unique situation that shows a wrestler after he consumed some serious amount of alcohol.

Airplane rides can be pretty darn boring. Knocking back a few makes for a dandy way to pass the time, but you’ve got to be careful to not overdo it. Otherwise, you could end up like Bo Dallas did in August and get booted off your flight for singing your favorite song from the Lion King soundtrack, then telling concerned attendants to go make sweet love to themselves after they tell you to stop.

Encouragingly, Dallas has experienced something of a push on Monday Night Raw in the weeks following the incident that got him on TMZ, which means nobody in authority at the WWE found out about it, or the more likely scenario of them being afraid of what Bray Wyatt will do to them if they try to punish his little brother.

12 The Sandman

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The Sandman is completely wasted in literally every picture that’s ever been taken of him, so we just picked one that truly looked the part. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin gets all the credit for pounding beers before and after his matches, but enlightened fans understand that it was The Sandman who originally came up with the idea of wrestling while ridiculously hammered without trying to hide his impairment.

Heavy drinking has caused a handful of problems for Jim Fullington over the years, but most of those issues never affected wrestling fans...Except that one time he allegedly dropped his pants and introduced a crowd to his “little cane.” While the story about the 2005 Florida house show sounds a wee bit exaggerated, it's probably not entirely exaggerated. The Sandman’s dong was probably not something that audience paid to see.

11 The Hardys

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Here's another picture that shows the effects of alcoholic after being consumed heavily. 

At Bound for Glory 2016, Jeff Hardy sang his own entrance theme while Reby Hardy provided the accompanying piano, which makes the duo possibly the first tag team in history to perform their own entrance music completely live. This and other recent developments entirely overshadow whatever chemical-related endeavors linger in the Broken Brothers’ past. However, we don’t have to completely write off and forget about stuff they did while they were drinking and doing drugs constantly if those misadventures just-so-happened to be really funny. For instance, we can look back at the time the brothers all got crazy messed up, played with a police taser they procured by presumably legal means, and filmed it for YouTube and laugh. This event was merely a step on the way to Broken Transcendence.  

10 Chris Jericho

via officialfan.proboards.com

As a truly memorable weekend bender winds down to a close, there’s almost nothing sadder than realizing you’ve finally run out of vodka. Chris Jericho understands this as well as anyone, as demonstrated by his forlorn expression in this photo. Interestingly enough, The Ayatollah of Rock ‘n Rolla happens to be wearing a vintage Meat Loaf T-shirt, which would be an example of quintessential hipster irony, except he’s not wearing it ironically.

Chris Jericho’s horrible taste in music has been well-documented, as further illustrated by the fact that he’s released Fozzy albums on purpose. Also, he once had one of the dudes from Alter Bridge on his podcast without insulting him the entire time. Chris Jericho wouldn’t know a good song if it crawled up his rear end and exploded like a nailbomb.

9 The Iron Sheik

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Not unlike the aforementioned Sandman, The Iron Sheik is severely intoxicated at all times and is therefore drunk in literally every picture of him that exists. Sheik made a history-altering mistake in 1984 by refusing Verne Gagne’s request to snap Hulk Hogan’s leg like a turkey's wishbone and prevent Hulkamania from running wild once and for all. That single act of mercy and compassion ultimately led to dozens of hard working journalists losing their jobs when Hogan bankrupted Gawker in a frivolous lawsuit. It also allowed the "main event" of Halloween Havoc 1998 to happen, plus numerous other atrocities Hogan would go on to commit.

Alcohol and hard drugs became the Sheik’s lone method of turning off the all-encompassing guilt and shame. The only way he’ll reclaim his self-respect is going back in time and aborting Hogan while he’s still in the womb.

8 John Cena

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Here’s a screen grab from Total Divas in which Nikki Bella hurls a cup of beer in John Cena’s face, presumably because he has said or done something that Nikki Bella did not agree with. We would have to find and watch this particular episode of Total Divas to determine exactly what event has made Bella so cross with her World Champion fiance. We can sort of guess what might be going on, though! Perhaps Cena implied 15 smaller World Championship reigns are superior to a single record-setting tenure at the top of the proverbial hill? Maybe he’s so belligerently plastered that he called Nikki a bad word? Maybe he didn’t do either of those things and Bella’s only throwing beer in his face by accident?

It’s one of the greatest mysteries of our age.

7 Chris Jericho Again (Also, Kelly Kelly)

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Here’s Chris Jericho and some fans partaking in a round of those little vials of syrupy, brightly-colored booze friendly ladies hand out at the type of bars that draw a big college crowd. Aren’t those little promotional vials weird? Like, they taste like a blend of cough medicine and Dr. Pepper, so even if you decide to have another $1 sample, you’d certainly never buy an entire glass of the stuff, right?

Kelly Kelly is also in the picture. Kelly Kelly wasn’t Jericho’s wife, but we think after the hours upon hours of escapism entertainment he’s given us over the decades, Chris Jericho should be able to sleep with whoever he wants without the internet nagging him about it. Who the heck are you to judge Chris Jericho for an affair he may or may not have even had ten years ago? Stupid idiot. 

6 Batista

via ringthedamnbell.wordpress.com

During his WWE career, Batista could have been easily mistaken as a deeply unhappy, angry man, who needed to power bomb the ever-lovin’ bejesus out of people to quell his boundless rage. Since then, evidence has surfaced that contradicts the notion that fury is the only emotion that can exist in Batista’s giant heart.

For instance, he seems to derive a lot of genuine fulfillment playing beloved murder machine Drax The Destroyer in the Guardians of the Galaxy films. Also there’s this picture, where he has a hearty laugh, despite the fact that he’s in the company of Ric Flair. When confronted with Ric Flair, most people feel an immediate rush of existential dread, but not Batista! He keeps right on having fun. Batista is a fun guy who loves fun times.

5 Sheamus

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Sheamus and Drew Galloway shared quite the friendship, they've also been shown together in ridiculous Halloween costumes under the influence. That picture shows no alcohol, but considering Sheamus has a giant white toy in his mouth and Galloway is attired in the manner of a stereotypical pimp for some reason, it seems obvious that the two have blood alcohol levels that could rival that of Saint Lemmy himself.

Sheamus and Drew Galloway are from Ireland and Scotland, respectively, and their accents are difficult for Americans to tell apart, because people in America don't feel the need to figure these things out. The duo are shown in this picture enjoying a casual drink together and probably reminiscing on the good old days. Seriously though, what the hell did they order? 

4 Shawn Michaels

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While hyping an upcoming match with the British Bulldog (RIP) back in the '90s, HBK was insanely ramped up on drugs, at least according to legend. But nothing goes better with two or three quality lines of nose candy than a tasty mix of top-shelf whiskey and your favorite tonic. Shawn Michaels knows this, therefore it’s safe to assume he’s also a little drunk in this photo.

As a testament to Michaels’ nearly unshakable ability to appear professional on camera, this particular interview is a fairly rare instance of an obviously messed up HBK, even though he was on seven different kinds of drugs most people haven’t even heard of at all times throughout most of the ‘80s and ‘90s. And despite his clear inebriation, Michaels doesn’t break kayfabe in the slightest, which furthers the story his match with the Bulldog is supposed to tell and otherwise does about as good of a promo job as he usually does.

3 Goldberg

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Many people assume “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and The Man Called Goldberg can’t stand each other, simply because Goldberg totally stole Steve Austin’s look. But this is not so. Never underestimate the power of bald men’s abilities to feel compassion toward one another. It’s on a nearly psychic level.

Both Austin and Goldberg would refuse "Bosley" hair restoration treatment, even though it would grow back their real hair that they could comb and cut as they pleased, because for them, baldness is a source of strength and friendship. The pair of legends also enjoy delicious beer and other alcoholic beverages, which is an additional commonality upon which they can bond. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and Bill Goldberg both like to fight for shiny belts while wearing only tiny black shorts.

2 The Undertaker & Bret Hart 

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Here we have a photo taken likely sometime during the ‘90s, which includes The Undertaker, Paul Bearer, Bret Hart, Tatanka, the performer who at that time was known as the 1-2-3 Kid, and a blonde woman who may or may not be a public figure of some sort.

All five of these sports entertainment legends love to have a refreshing alcoholic beverage now and again, and here we see irrefutable evidence of this indisputable fact. It’s a little difficult to tell whether The Undertaker is drinking out of a tiny novelty mug or if the mug only appears unusually small in the photo because The Undertaker is a huge, huge man, and virtually all liquid-containment contraptions appear smaller than they are in his massive, choke-slammin’ hands.

1 Andre The Giant

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Standing a few notches above seven feet tall and weighing 500 pounds gave Andre a legendarily high threshold for alcohol consumption. Apparently it was not at all uncommon for him to smash down between 125 and 150 beers in a single sitting. Here, Andre appears with a man who is not as big as Andre is and the man is pointing to the beers, as if to indicate “Now is the time to drink these beers, Mr. Giant Man. Do this, and then I will fetch you more.” To this request, we can guess Andre like said something along the lines of “Sure thing, man who is not as big as me, but who I nonetheless respect for his beer providing abilities.”

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