To get this out of the way right up front -- Hulk Hogan hasn’t murdered a single person that we know of. So if we compare his life’s scorecard to a handful of historical demagogues who immediately pop to mind, in terms of sheer quantity of atrocity, plenty of individuals throughout civilization have been way, way, much, much worse. No questions or arguments to the contrary can or should be offered.
Like most wrestling fans of a certain age, we’ve got some warm, fuzzy childhood memories tied to The Hulkster and have cut him a lot of slack over the years. “So he wound up with his privates on the internet,” we said at one point. “Big deal, who hasn’t?” Then we had to expand our rationalizations all the way out to saying things like, “Well, he also dropped the N-bomb. Repeatedly, and with much gusto, but, y’know, the dude was going through a brutal divorce, was probably boozed out 70 percent out of his mind, probably didn’t even know where he was much less what he was saying. And look what a sorry, sad puppy dog face he’s making on daytime talk shows!”
But it became clear that not only did Hulk Hogan get taped having intercourse and ranting about black people like your scary Trump supporter uncle, Hogan also expects the universe to reward him for this, to the tune of $140 million. Even the most nostalgic of wrestling fans should be all out of free passes by now.
16 The Nightmare That Is Hogan’s Acting Career
One thing you can say about most mass murders and serial killers -- almost none of them ever attempted a movie career. Some terrible people may be responsible for some unspeakable carnage, but we can’t blame them for Suburban Commando, Santa With Muscles, and Mr. Nanny.
15 He Never Put Over Bret Hart
It’s been rumored that Hulk Hogan was encouraged to lose to Bret Hart sometime after the WrestleMania IX debacle and flatly denied to do so. That might be true, but that might also be internet gossip based on nothing. But we know for certain that Hulk Hogan should have jobbed the World Title back over to The Hitman immediately after the oft-maligned PPV and resumed falling on his face in Hollywood, but he neglected to do so. In 1993, Hogan's time as a worthwhile wrestling champion had ended, although his run as a not-so worthwhile champion would abide for years to come.
14 Hogan’s Patriotism Scans As Dubious
We’ve all sang along to the “I Am A Real American” song and celebrating where you’re from sure does make a body feel all warm and fuzzy, don’t get us wrong. But just like numerous demagogues have exploited nationalistic fervor to push an insidious agenda, Hulk Hogan waved the flag to inflate his bank account.
13 Was Literally the Poster Boy of why WCW Thrived and Eventually Failed Miserably
Love or hate him, Hogan did put WCW on the map. The role that the nWo played in the world of pro wrestling changed the business forever and even took down the WWE at one point in time.
Hogan was basically a wrestler made by the WWE that WCW used to get ratings. As much as this tactic worked at one point, it eventually caused the company’s demise as well. With Hulk’s inability to put younger talents over and the WCW’s constant reliance on old, washed up veteran talent, the company fell apart at the blink of an eye.
Whether he owns up to it or not, Hulk was the poster boy for this disaster. He ruined careers and ultimately ruined an entire company with his selfish attitude that only catered to himself and not the rest of the company.
11 Hogan Knows Best
What kind of thirsty a-hole allows his family life to get turned into a phony VH1 reality show just to keep himself on television a few more years? Holy Foley isn’t the same thing, because the WWE Network does not count as television, and The Osbournes isn't the same thing, because as the first celebrity family to subject themselves to reality TV, Ozzy and Sharon didn’t have any context to know better.
10 Hogan Is Objectively Bad At Wrestling
Hulk Hogan is so bad at making pretend fighting look realistic that he could probably make an MMA fight look staged. Hulk Hogan could get hit by a car and bystanders would assume he was just filming a movie scene. All Hogan ever brought to the table in his matches were punches, kicks, a body slam, a leg drop of doom, and plenty of no-selling. And let us keep in mind, no-selling takes a lot less skill than regular selling.
9 He Kinda Ruined TNA (Without Even Trying)
Remember when Eric Bischoff, Hulk Hogan, and Rob Van Dam all showed up on the same single episode of TNA Impact and it was supposed to be a big honkin’ deal, put TNA on track to becoming a replacement WCW and competition for the WWE, but not much came of it?
8 Hulk Hogan Is A Big Ol’ Liar
Hulk Hogan was never almost the bassist for Metallica, no one ever asked him to play Randy “The Ram” Robinson, Andre The Giant never weighed 600 pounds, and he knew good and damn well that The Rock and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin would be helping him introduce WrestleMania XXX, and the Silverdome and the Superdome aren’t the same building.
Some of humanity’s all-time most horrible villains have propagated the philosophy that if you repeat a lie often enough, eventually, people start believing it. Unlike Hogan, many of their loathsome ilk kept their brands of rhetorical rancid diarrhea consistent and, sadly, some people believed them.
7 He Wouldn’t Be Allowed In His Own Racist (Now Closed) Restaurant
A few years back, TMZ noted that “Hogan’s Beach” - a since shuttered eatery in Tampa - enforced a dress code far stricter than necessary for any family restaurant endorsed by a professional wrestler. Hogan’s Beach banned customers from wearing sports jerseys, low-hanging pants, virtually any clothing deemed “baggy,” and “excessive” or “oversized” jewelry.
6 His Wife Looks Like...
It's pretty much a well-known matter of record that Donald Trump wants to sleep with his daughter. Trump’s been making inappropriate comments to the media about Ivanka Trump pretty much since she was an infant. Oddly enough, he doesn’t seem as interested in Tiffany Trump.
5 Hogan Is An Even Bigger A-Hole Than The Ultimate Warrior
When the book chronicling the biggest a-holes in wrestling history finally gets published, The Ultimate Warrior’s chapter will be one of the lengthiest. But even The Warrior was taken aback by The Hulkster’s hypocrisy and narcissism.
A big time racist and homophobe himself, Warrior didn’t include Hogan’s feelings about minorities in his lengthy YouTube shoot video bashing his Halloween Havoc '98 opponent. He only called Hogan out for copious drug use, promiscuity, lying about mending fences with Randy Savage, and being a much, much crappier person than his superhero-esque persona indicated. Frankly, we wish Warrior hadn’t focused so much on the first two.
4 Hogan Is An Even Bigger A-Hole Than Shawn Michaels
The backstage politicking and entitlement displayed by Shawn Michaels during his Kliq days is the stuff of legends. He's almost as well known for being a locker room cancer as he is for those times he fought a ladder while Razor Ramon watched. But, in 2005, even HBK couldn’t believe the lengths to which Hogan would go to weasel out of losing a match. Thus, The Showstopper spent the highly publicized SummerSlam showdown flailing around like a Merrie Melodies character on quaaludes. He says he wasn’t overselling on purpose, but he also sarcastically referenced Hogan’s “catlike” agility on Raw the following night, during which he also immediately turned face again now that the Hogan feud was over.
3 Hogan Is Peter Thiel’s Evil Henchman
Of course, the Gawker lawsuit had little to do with whether the public has a right to watch a pro wrestling star smash it, and more to do with the vindictive agenda of billionaire Peter Thiel. Gawker outed Thiel in 2004, he held a big nasty grudge ever since, going so far as to fund multiple lawsuits against the sardonic network of websites.
2 Hulk Hogan Hates Unionization
Quite a few problems that have plagued the wrestling industry for decades could be lessened, if not outright resolved, if performers were guaranteed health insurance and not all forced into what’s contractually considered full-time freelancing. A foresightful Jesse Ventura attempted to rally the WWE locker room behind the idea of unionization during the 1980s. For obvious reasons, Ventura’s plan needed to be kept a secret from Vince McMahon during its formative phase. Hogan, as legend has it, rolled over on Ventura and the Boys pretty much immediately.
1 Hulk Hogan Hates Freedom of Speech
Okay. Gawker was unquestionably in the wrong posting the Hogan sex tape. Even though, if you’re a media organization sitting on a damaging video of a celebrity, not posting it because you’re worried about hurting somebody’s feelings is financially irresponsible. Hogan understands this. Peter Thiel understands this. But because of their lawsuit, there’s a precedent set in the United States that means if you’ve got enough money, you can put a news-gathering organization out of business for publishing any information about you that you don’t like. Though, again, we don't support the idea of publishing a video that someone was not aware was being taken.
As of now, Melania Trump -- represented by the same lawyer who orchestrated Hogan’s case against Gawker -- is suing The Daily Mail for implying that she used to work for an escort service. Now what’s to stop, let’s say, her husband and/or Hillary Clinton from suing a news gathering organization that writes unfavorable things about them? And how far away is that from bullying the news media into publishing nothing but Soviet-style propaganda?
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