At this year's WWE Fastlane, we bore witness to Goldberg making extremely short work of the now former Universal champion, Kevin Owens. Thanks in part to a distraction from Chris Jericho, it took the ex WCW star just twenty-two seconds to finish off KO and become the new champion heading into WrestleMania 33. The overwhelming consensus among us the fans has been 'why on earth did you just do that WWE?!' Finally, Owens has begun to shake off the tag of comedy champion and just a few weeks later, he loses the belt in extremely short order to Goldberg.
Well, for starters, Goldberg beat Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series in a resounding one minute and twenty six seconds, so Owens was never going to last longer than that. Secondly, for those of you not familiar with Goldberg's body of work, this is what he does. He shows up, spears, jackhammers, pins and leaves. In fact, during a period in WCW, he famously did it 176 times in a row. Granted most of these matches weren't quite as brief as twenty-two seconds, but even almost twenty years on from his debut, we have to accept that Goldberg simply isn't a good enough in-ring worker to have long drawn out matches. He's a destroyer that wreaks havoc on his opponents. Below are a list of fifteen of those opponents. Fifteen of them that you won't quite believe were granted more time between the ropes with Goldberg than Kevin Owens was at Fastlane.
15 Shawn Stasiak (0:40)
Shawn Stasiak had short stints in both WCW and WWE. A second generation Superstar and son of the much more famous Stan Stasiak, it would be fair to say that more was expected in the pro wrestling world of Shawn than what we got from him. During his time in WCW, he did get the chance to prove himself, against Goldberg.
Stasiak was sent to the ring during an episode of WCW Nitro by Kevin Nash to be taught a lesson. Consider that lesson well and truly taught. The iconic Goldberg streak may have been over by this point, but that didn't stop the master of the jackhammer going through Stasiak in a mere 40 seconds. At least, now he can brag that it was a whole 18 seconds longer than Kevin Owens lasted.
14 Glacier (1:05)
Unsurprisingly much of this list will take place within the realms of WCW. That is where Goldberg spent the majority of his career after all. Well, there is perhaps no character more infamously terrible from WCW than that of Glacier. WWE had the reputation for terrible gimmicks but Glacier was Bischoff's attempt at matching Vince in that market. A persona based on Mortal Kombat's Sub Zero. Just a terrible idea.
Glacier had the chance during his poorly thought out career to take on Goldberg. In fact, like a few others Glacier can boast (if that's the right word) to being two of Goldberg's wins during his legendary streak. Both in 1998. One of which lasted a mere one minute and five seconds. Clearly WCW knew Glacier wasn't as big a deal as they hoped pretty early on.
13 David Flair (1:06)
Shawn Stasiak isn't the only second generation Superstar that Goldberg has made extremely short work of during his career. Sixteen-time world champion Ric Flair also had the unwanted privilege of having his son battle with the big man. All while Ric was watching from ringside. David Flair is an even clearer example than Shawn Stasiak that in-ring talent does not necessarily pass down through the generations.
Both WCW and WWE gave David a chance in the late 90s/early 00s and neither managed to get anything worthwhile out of him in terms of professional wrestling. It was on an episode of Nitro back in October of 2000 that David Flair met his fate at the hands of Goldberg, managing to last a mere one minute and six seconds. Three times as long as Kevin Owens managed for anyone keeping score.
12 Chavo Guerrero Jr. (1:11)
Without WCW, it's unlikely that we would have the cruiserweight class of today currently showcased around the world, and more recently in WWE. Although WWE's current cruiserweight division is taking a little while to get started in terms of fan interest, I'm sure the overwhelming majority of us are hoping they aren't eventually fed to the likes of Brock Lesnar and Braun Strowman. WCW were not so savvy when it came to avoiding that blunder.
On an episode of Nitro in June 1998, Chavo Guerrero Jr became the 99th man to succumb to Goldberg's streak. Goldberg had also won the United States Championship by that point in time and even put it up for grabs against Chavo. The result was never in doubt though and Guerrero lasted a measly one minute and eleven seconds.
11 Lance Storm (1:11)
Someone who shares that one minute eleven second badge with Chavo Guerrero is Lance Storm. The first entry on this list to have happened under the banner of WWE. On May 19th 2003, Storm faced off against Goldberg on Monday Night Raw. It was no secret that since his arrival in WWE under two months prior to this match up that not many people in the locker room were fond of him.
In fact, the whole reason Lance had to face Goldberg was because he admitted to being the driver of a car that had attempted to run him over. Being in a match with Goldberg is bad enough, let alone one where you've done something stupid like try to hit him with a car beforehand.
10 Steven Richards (1:14)
Another WWE entry for you. Goldberg was on the road to SummerSlam 2003. A night where he would face The Game, Triple H for the World Heavyweight Championship. Well, naturally, Goldberg needed some cannon fodder on his way to his title match. On an episode of Monday Night Raw, Steven Richards became a part of that cannon fodder.
Despite Richards attempting to use the element of surprise by attacking Goldberg as he was stepping through the ropes, he still didn't fare so well. The early attack did almost nothing to his opponent. Goldberg rallied very quickly and made light work of the former Right to Censor leader, dispatching him in one minute and fourteen seconds. Needless to say Triple H would prove as more of a challenge in their title match soon after.
9 Chuck Palumbo (1:18)
There are many things that are blamed for contributing to WCW's ultimate demise. The highly unsuccessful show Thunder being added to their schedule was one of them. On the October 11th 2000 edition of Thunder, the second tier show aired from Sydney Australia. On the show, Chuck Palumbo had the unfortunate duty of facing off against Goldberg.
Palumbo was actually accompanied to the ring by a man who appeared earlier in this list, Shawn Stasiak. Despite two attempts from Shawn to help Chuck in the short one minute and eighteen second match, Goldberg of course emerged victorious. He even went on to deliver a jackhammer of his own to Stasiak for the continual annoyance he had provided from ringside.
8 Mark Jindrak (1:20)
Goldberg's legendary undefeated streak in WCW of course came to an end after he had managed an astonishing 176 wins in a row. Well, he actually had a lesser known streak. As WCW was winding down in the early 2000s, they tried to rekindle the magic of Goldberg's original epic streak by having him begin another.
It obviously didn't go on as long, but on an episode of Thunder in January 2001, just two months before WCW closed its doors, Mark Jindrak became the 34th victim to fall foul of Goldberg's second streak. Much like Kevin Owens at Fastlane, Jindrak ventured out of the ring before the match had begun. However, the ring bell sounded and he headed back in to meet his demise.
7 Shane Douglas (1:40)
'The Franchise' Shane Douglas made quite a name for himself in ECW. Sadly, that fame didn't really transfer over to his time in WCW and WWE. However, he did have a bout with Goldberg while in WCW, and he took a slightly different approach to it. Douglas went on a tirade during an episode of Thunder back in late 2000, calling out Goldberg and claiming he wouldn't show because he was afraid of him.
Well, of course Goldberg did show, Shane had some other tricks up his sleeve though. First of all a chain wrapped around his fist, that didn't work. Then Lex Luger appearing atop the ramp with Goldberg's friend Sarge on his shoulders, that didn't work either. Goldberg fought off all the distractions to win in just one minute and forty seconds.
6 Buff Bagwell (1:59)
It's fair to say that Buff Bagwell had a much more enjoyable time in WCW than he did in WWE. He was only a part of WWE for roughly a week after all. However, he may not have enjoyed one night in particular where he had the unenviable job of being squashed by Goldberg.
On an edition of Thunder airing from Manchester, England on the 15th of November 2000 to be precise. Buff actually looked relatively confident before the match compared to a lot of the people who have made this list so far. In fact, he nailed Goldberg with a double arm DDT towards the end of the bout. What he didn't anticipate was his opponent bouncing straight back up. Spear. Jackhammer. One, two, three.
5 Finlay (2:34)
The first man on this list to manage over two minutes in a match with Bill Goldberg, Fit Finley. Back in 1998, Goldberg was at the height of his dominance and running rough shot through the WCW roster. Quite reasonably the company wanted to start giving Goldberg more challenging opponents in order for him to have better matches. That famously failed miserably on the first time of asking when he squared off with Lord Steven Regal.
Well, shortly after came the fantastic ring technician, Fit Finley. A man with such good in ring talent that he is still being utilized backstage by WWE to this day. The match was slightly longer and slightly better than the squashes Goldberg was used to. Clearly, the baby steps that were needed at this stage of Goldberg's career after the Regal debacle.
4 Rosey (3:27)
Believe it or not Fastlane was not the first time Chris Jericho has emerged at the start of one of Goldberg's matches for a front row seat. Almost fourteen years ago on an episode of Monday Night Raw, he did the same thing, but that time it was Goldberg that he wanted to distract. The two would face at the upcoming pay-per-view, Bad Blood.
Before that however, Goldberg had to get through Rosey. Known for his time with WWE as The Hurricane's super hero sidekick and a part of 3-Minute Warning. Also lesser known for being Roman Reigns' brother. Anyway, even Y2J interrupting with a steel chair couldn't help Rosey enough to pick up the victory against Goldberg back in 2003.
3 Raven (4:56)
As Goldberg marched through his first 176 victims, he picked up a little gold on the way. Most famously he defeated Hulk Hogan in the Georgia Dome for the WCW World Title, but before that he became United States Champion by beating Raven. On an episode of Nitro in 1998, Goldberg and Raven squared off for the belt in a 'Raven's Rules' match which basically meant anything goes. Raven started well, using a steel chair to his advantage.
However, when things began to inevitably turn against him his flock stormed the ring while Raven attempted to escape through the crowd. Some strategically placed fans threw Raven back over the barrier while his flock were sent packing by Goldberg. Upon his return to the ring, Raven met the same fate as so many others before and after him, losing his US gold to Goldberg in the process.
2 Christian (6:50)
Back in 2003 on an edition of Monday Night Raw, former World Heavyweight Champion Christian managed to last an incredibly impressive six minutes and fifty seconds against Goldberg. However, it was inside a steel cage. Plus, Christian was the first on this list to end up bloodied at the hands of Goldberg. So in hindsight, he'd have probably opted for the twenty two seconds afforded to Kevin Owens.
Nevertheless, Christian was the second man on this list following Lance Storm, it must have been a Canadian thing, to be accused of being involved in trying to hit Bill with a car. Captain Charisma was awarded a match inside of a steel cage for his troubles and brought a steel chair in there with him, which in all fairness is the only reason he lasted just shy of seven minutes.
1 Perry Saturn (8:09)
The night before Goldberg defeated Raven for the United States Championship, a fellow member of his flock in the form of Perry Saturn had a chance to soften him up. At WCW Spring Stampede 1998, Saturn managed to go a hugely impressive eight minutes and nine seconds before suffering the same fate as almost everyone else who has met Goldberg in the ring.
There were a lot of contributing factors, the main one being the rest of The Flock circling at ringside and constantly distracting Goldberg. Take nothing away from Saturn though. During the match, he became the first man to block Goldberg's jackhammer and also placed him in the Rings of Saturn. Plus, above all else, he lasted longer against Goldberg than the first seven entries on this list and Kevin Owens combined!