Professional wrestling has always been known for its larger-than-life, overly muscular wrestlers who have always served as the freaks in the freak show millions around the world have grown to love. Freaks in this case who make 5 to 6 figures for maintaining their impressive physiques set the standard of what wrestling fans and those lurking in the shadows have accepted as the prototype of a wrestler.
We all know with every standard, there are things or people who influence the change in the status quo. Currently in the wrestling world there’s a subtle shift toward more normal physiques and smaller sizes of wrestlers who are looking to become the Hogans and Rocks of their time. Although this change diversifies the level of talent allowed to enter the business without having to worry about their bodies hindering them…a part of the allure of the sport dies. Nobody is going as far as to say only those with a 6-pack, 24-inch pythons and height dwarfing those who stand at 6-feet belong in wrestling with no exceptions, but for the sake of adding believability and credibility to wrestling…the competitors should at least look like they make money with their body, something that should be reasonable for an athlete. It doesn’t sound fair, but that’s life and this is wrestling.
With that said, it’s now time to venture into this cyber museum of mine where the exhibits here are comprised of 8 current WWE stars who are physical freaks…and 7 who look like they could work at Target.
15. Triple H: Physical Freak
If there’s one game Triple H knows…it’s fitness. As a 48-years-old, on-screen COO and real-life senior producer of NXT who no longer has to lace his boots to wrestle regularly, Triple H takes time out of his hectic schedule to hit the gym and maintain the muscular physique fans grew to accept. The fact there’s no noticeable difference between The Game now as a businessman/part-time wrestler and his prime as one of Raw’s top guys shows us that if you care about your appearance, you’ll find time to maintain or even enhance your body. At this rate, as the heir to the throne, it’s a fair assumption that Triple H would aspire to give Vince a run for his money on who would be the most buff chairman of the WWE.
14. Enzo Amore: Target Employee Look-Alike
Although Enzo has charisma that’s 7-feet tall and can’t be taught…Amore was made famous for being half of the classic, stereotypical big and small man duo where the smaller of the two suffers from the Napoleon complex. Though Enzo is a cut guy, it’s not hard to find a man under 6-feet and eligible for WWE’s current cruiserweight division with a weight limit of 205 pounds. Compared to his former tag-team partner Enzo favors more of a manager than a partner, especially considering how out matched he seems against guys his own size like Neville and even Cedric Alexander, it just brings more attention to how small he is without the redeemable in-ring skill to make him a credible threat to anyone.
13. Big Cass: Physical Freak
At first glance, the most noticeable difference between Cass and his peers in wrestling is his height at an impressive 7-feet tall. Keep in mind that in a business of giants that a 7-footer like Cass towers over most wrestlers and sees eye to eye with guys like The Undertaker and Big Show! Today, somebody like Cass sticks out even more due to the shortage of monster-size wrestlers WWE has, which many logically theorize is the reason behind 2 pushes of his, the experimental one with him in the Universal title picture in 2016 and the most recent one this past summer before his injury. Cass is barely what you’d call cut let alone buff, but he’s got freakishly large height to his credit, which is certain to cement his position in the main event scene…and you can’t teach that!
12. Finn Balor: Target Employee Look-Alike
Upon seeing Finn in his leather jacket one might scratch their head in confusion on how a guy resembling a Macy’s model could be deemed a formidable opponent to the physical freaks on this list. Unlike some small guys, Balor does look like a man who cares about his appearance and passes as fitness trainer, however, at under 205 pounds, which is the lightest cruiserweight weight limit WWE has had…Balor can obviously be seen as the smallest of the small in a world where size matters. Looking not that much different than your average fan who does a few reps and routinely eats well…Finn has and will always have trouble bringing that believability factor to wrestling, especially considering light-heavyweights such as Seth Rollins make Balor seem more like a ref than a competitor. This raising the question if that jacket should be replaced with a red collared shirt.
11. Titus O’Neil: Physical Freak
Just by looking at Titus you can tell whatever he does for a living it must involve using his body as the powerful machine it looks like. Titus O’Neil telling strangers he’s a wrestler would come to no surprise given how ripped and massive he looks around his peers. Around the average man he towers over him and likely evokes worry doing the most basic things such as talking loud, shaking hands and even getting rowdy when tapping into his playful side, I mean…Ask Vince, the same guy who shoved O’Neil likely thinking he’d be recruited to replace Darren Young as his dance partner or be held hostage until he got the big guy push so many of his peers have gotten. Lucky for Titus, his antics only resulted in a 90 suspension, although I’m sure finding a new promotion for a 6’6″, 270 pounder would be about as easy as tossing a cruiserweight.
10. Sami Zayn: Target Employee Look-Alike
When podcaster Vince Russo referred to Sami Zayn as a “cab driver” it begged the good question why of all things did that stand out to him? Well, take an unbiased look at Sami. His attire looks like something a cab driver would wear, he even wears a cap and jacket that gives him even more of an average Joe look…one looking to make an honest buck driving around actual wrestlers. Zayn has height, but no definition to him and has a skinny-fat build that is typical of a cab driver. It doesn’t help that his cheerful attitude resembles that of a Target employee more so than a wrestler. Talented in-ring wise, Zayn has been and will continue to be given a pass for having the typical dad body many of us see lounging around the house.
9. Braun Strowman: Physical Freak
I don’t care who you are…if you see a man Braun Strowman’s size anywhere outside an arena the first thing you’re thinking is he’s huge! Your next thought might be what could a guy standing at 6’8″, weighing 385 pounds do for a living that didn’t involve his body? Well, I can tell you he’s not a deranged lumberjack who sent in his tryout tape once discovering he could get paid to chop down men opposed to trees…barehanded! There’s one reason to associate a guy like him with being a wrestler, because you’re used to it. Fans have been conditioned to accept and embrace the mystique of a monster of a man locking up with men his size or even larger for our enjoyment. Even wider than Strowman’s shoulders and chest are his ambitious to decimate everyone!
8. Jack Gallagher: Target Employee Look-Alike
Jack Gallagher’s ironic resemblance to a mini Sheamus with a dignified, gentleman gimmick William Regal would be proud of is just enough to get him noticed and even liked, but fails to save him from the small guy stigma fans are very aware of. It’s a stigma that hinders guys like Neville and Austin Aries who are much more buff and toned, which leaves a guy like Jack who isn’t any of those things to struggle even harder if he so chose to attempt to reach for Vince’s brass ring. Outside of the well tailored suit Jack can be found in, something that looks equally fitting for him is a pair of Khakis, a red shirt and those same manners used to greet customers to the DVD aisle to verify he’s actually employed by the biggest wrestling promotion in the world.
7. Nia Jax: Physical Freak
As you can see this list includes a woman. Not just any woman, one who isn’t like most girls, because most girls aren’t as beautiful as they are physically imposing at 6’0″ and over 205 pounds, which makes her larger than every male in the cruiserweight division. Jax is about as big as her cousin, The Rock. She’s surely something special in the sense she could be this era’s Chyna, a dominant female brute who can do what the men do and even win a male championship, much like Jaqueline, Chyna and Molly did in their day. As the Brock Lesnar of the Raw women’s division, the only thing Nia needs is the proper booking to compliment the massive size she possesses, which will ultimately get her over and solidify her as the unstoppable force fans expect her to be.
6. AJ Styles: Target Employee Look-Alike
Many fans of Smackdown’s WWE champion AJ Styles recognizes how phenomenal of a performer he is. As easy as that may be to admit, one thing that might not be so easy to accept is pointing out the very average size of Styles. He’s no intimidating presence from look alone, but makes up for it in sheer heart and athleticism. If there is anyone fans respect, it’s a guy who can make do with what he has and change preconceived notions surrounding what a wrestler should look and be like. Regardless of what side you are on in the argument of size in wrestling…you have to admit that more and more smaller guys who look no different than a Target employee in the crowd are changing the status quo of The WWE.
5. Brock Lesnar: Physical Freak
To steal a line from JBL, if you built a champion from the ground up…it’d look like the Beast Incarnate, former UFC and current Universal champ…Brock Lesnar. This 6’3″, 286 pound, walking war machine with the agility of a light-heavyweight, the strength of a heavyweight and the resiliency of a cruiserweight fits the professional wrestler model to a T. The massive chest and arms of Lesnar, among the rest of him, indicate good genetics and the dedication of an elite athlete ready to conquer and claim his rightful place as the top of the food chain on Monday Night Raw. Those thin, padded UFC gloves won’t lessen the blow to the face or body of any unfortunate soul to be standing across the ring from The Beast who is going to continue to eat, sleep and repeat his prime directive…conquering all opponents.
4. TJP: Target Employee Look-Alike
TJP’s love of video games is obvious, this probably explains why he hasn’t had much time to go to the gym to gain some muscle mass and a bit more of a toned physique that resembles at least that of a fitness trainer, if not a pro-wrestler. TJP looks like his first gig years before his leap into wrestling was that of a cashier or manager for Target. It’s not the job being disparaged, so much as this very talented, inaugural cruiserweight champion’s stature that involves hardly any definition and barely a 4-pack that any one of the fans sticking around for 205 Live could have. It’s one thing to look like the average joe, but TJP’s youthful look gives the appearance that he’s a 19-year-old tryout, which is good for his personal life, but bad for a wrestler.
3. Jinder Mahal: Physical Freak
You almost can’t have a discussion about Jinder Mahal without fans wanting to guess whether his newfound physique is natural or steroid-induced and why Vince would resurrect a career jobber to be the WWE champion at Backlash 2017, giving him a 6-month reign. Those theories revolved heavily around Vince’s body fetish for body builder types, like himself. Regardless if he did in fact use supplements, we can undoubtedly see the old-school, chiseled physique of a once plain guy upholding pop culture’s image of professional wrestlers. Jinder truly resembles an Indiana Jones villain with his taller than average height and veins as prominent as his 6-pack. The contrast between Jinder’s look during his first run and now is almost as drastic as the Target employee look-alikes on this list and Smackdown’s only cardiovascular king, The Modern Day Maharaja.
2. Kevin Owens: Target Employee Look-Alike
Fat wrestlers are nothing new to wrestling…HOWEVER, normally when a wrestler is fat, it plays into their character of being a massive, McDonalds craving brute. These guys are typically very large, not barely 6’0″ and wrestle a big guy style, think Big Daddy V, Umaga and Yokozuna. Kevin Owens isn’t nearly as obese, but he’s by no means in shape enough to be mistaken for a wrestler or an athlete of any kind. Matter of fact, because Owens is 6’0″, which in the world of wrestling isn’t that tall, his pregnant man appearance is more obvious. Former Universal champion Kevin Owens is one of the most unfit guys on Smackdown and by all accounts couldn’t care less about it. Not even Vince would expect the guy to look like a Greek God, but getting as much TV time as he does, you’d think he’d wanna convince people he’s seen the inside of a gym and doesn’t aspire to be a future Target worker.
1. John Cena: Physical Freak
Constructing a list of physical freaks and leaving out a popular, former body builder would be stupid. Cena may not think we can see him, but how couldn’t we notice the Hercules meets Superman physique that allows him to double Attitude Adjustment guys of all sizes, making it seem easy in the process. Since his 2002 debut, at no time has Cena remotely appeared to have lost his muscle mass or definition, even with age. At 40-years-old, in spite of a part-time schedule and ventures in Hollywood, he proves there’s still room for strength and conditioning to maintain the pro-wrestling prototype he represents to the fullest and was dubbed during his early days in OVW. That name didn’t come out of thin air and neither did the success of the wrestling industry. Simply put…physical masterpieces clashing helped create the larger-than-life appeal many associate with wrestling!
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