The 15 Stupidest Things John Cena Has Ever Done

So there's John Cena. Some people like him a lot, as evidenced by how many times he's been world champion, how many T-shirts he's sold, and how many Make a Wish kids have asked to meet him (cue non-sarcastic: "awww"). Other people think he sucks because he's predictable, epitomizes the WWE establishment, and was way more annoyingly untouchable five years ago. As for us here at TheSportster, we boo the ever-living bejesus out of him, but plan to declare him one of the greatest ever after he retires. Then we'll retroactively pretend we were totally on his bandwagon all along.

"Cena was great!" future us will say. "Those arrogant smart marks on the internet just pretended to hate him for arbitrary reasons so as to appear contrarian. But we always knew the truth...." For now, however we stand by our fake belief that he sucks terribly and is the absolute worst.

Although he is the only wrestler (person?) in history to convince a stadium full of people to loudly denounce and cheer him on simultaneously, he's partaken in his fair share of blunders over the last 15 years, or thereabouts. Most were technically mandated by WWE higher-ups, but eh, he's a big enough star to say "no" to Vince McMahon if he really wants to, so it's not like he's blameless when he looks stupid.

To kill some time, we've compiled some of the stupidest things and events John Cena has been involved with since his WWE career began. Luckily for him, he didn't debut during the cartoony early '90s or the "edgier" but equally goofy Vince Russo period, so there's nothing on here along the lines of  a simulated oral sex act involving The Gobbledy Gooker. That said, making out with a turkey costume sounds a lot less embarrassing than getting pinned by Kevin Federline.

15 The Spinner Belt 


It seems unnecessary to explain why the old spinner belt was stupid. Its whole charm and appeal was based on stupidity - its stupidity was kind of the point. In fact, I kind of miss it.

14 The Springboard Stunner 


13 Putting Out An Album 


12 Getting Married 


11 Not Murdering Kenny Dykstra When He Had The Chance 


10 Dating Nikki Bella 

via BigStockPhoto

9 Kevin Federline 


8 Learning to Speak Punjabi 

7 Not Telling Everyone He Loves Steroids 

6 Associating with Jared Fogle 


5 Encouraging Reading On Hannah Montana 

4 Not Turning Heel   


By this point, the debate regarding a Cena heel turn has been beaten to death, buried, dug up, brought back as a vampire, and turned into dust via exposure to sunlight. But still! Now could be an ideal time for us to finally experience Darth Cena.

3 Changing the name of the FU 


2 Associating With Scooby Doo  


1 Not Giving Up Wrestling To Spend the Rest of His Life Making Crank Calls 

Having heard it at least once a week for approximately 10 years, wrestling fans have forgotten how annoying John Cena’s entrance song is. In fact, it’s wildly annoying, as is any other kind of music that involves trumpets.

The now legendary stunt perpetrated by the Z Morning Zoo shows that Cena’s song is so annoying, it wields the power to drive an average person utterly insane, fear for their safety, and contemplate committing felony assault to make the trumpets stop. If we were in Cena’s shoes, knowing this, we’d just sit around the house dialing random numbers and bringing whoever answered to the brink of madness with the ever-familiar “Dee Dee Dee Dooooooo….Dee Doo Doo Doooooooooo!....Doo Doo Doo DOOOOOOOO.....DOO DOO DOO DOOOOOOOOO!!!"

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The 15 Stupidest Things John Cena Has Ever Done