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The 15 Stupidest Things The Undertaker Has Ever Done

The Undertaker - meaning, Mark Calaway - has been wrestling since 1984 and working for WWE since 1990. That's a long, long time to stick it out in the notoriously cutthroat wrestling industry. We can infer that he's made much, much better decisions with his life than the vast majority of his contemporaries. In fact, The Undertaker has probably gone months without making as many bad decisions as some of us make in a week.

But nobody goes 30 years without doing some stupid things. More accurately, most people don't go 30 days - or even 30 minutes - without doing some remarkably stupid things.

So in one respect, with this compilation of silly angles and storylines involving The Undertaker/Calaway, we're not singling him out - he just happens to be one of the few performers with the longevity necessary to get made an ass of enough times to fill a top 15 list.

On the other hand, The Undertaker - meaning, The Undertaker as he is depicted on WWE programming - has murdered several people. Most of us can go years - sometimes, even our entire lives - without killing another human being. The Undertaker can barely make it a decade or two without snuffing a few souls out of the mortal realm. Why isn't he in prison? Well, because wrestling is scripted and anyone who's ever believed otherwise was likely a particularly gullible child. But nonetheless, such a nefarious individual surely deserves to be shamed by a collection of his most foolish or nonsensical endeavors.

Plenty of stuff The Undertaker has done and said over the years doesn't make a lick of sense. Here, we've compiled some of the most notably stupid aspects of his career, because why not? It's fun.

14 Joining the All-Americans 

via adventuresinpoortaste.com

13 Had His Wife Stalked By "Diamond" Dallas Page 

via forum.wrestlingfigs.com

12 Used Limp Bizkit and Kid Rock As Entrance Music 

via thewrestlinglegendsforum.com

11 "Died"  

via bleacherreport.com

Certain fans may remember where they were and what they were doing when they found out that The Undertaker had passed away on April 12th, 2014. They then found out Undertaker didn’t die at all, the report was one of the innumerable fake news stories often propagated by gullible social media users, and all was well.

10 The Aftermath of the 1994 Royal Rumble 

via WWE.com

9 Heidenreich, Giant Gonzalez, A-Train, Nathan Jones, Ect. 

via ecwfrenchtribute.free.fr
via ringthedamnbell.wordpress.com

8 Got Suicide Bombed By Daivari 

via cheeksofgod.blogspot.com

7 The “Pyrotechnic Accident” Angle

via youtube.com

Wrestling fans have been asked to believe plenty of silly things over the years, but hardly anything tops the goofiness of the “pyrotechnic accident” storyline that befell The Undertaker before his 2010 Elimination Chamber match in St. Louis. Parents may use “fire” to threaten small children into eating their frozen green beans at the dinner table, but educated adults everywhere know no such thing as "fire" exists. To Undertaker’s credit, he did the best he could to convince us that a pyrotechnic accidentally triggered under his feet, leaving him covered in first and second degree burns. But considering that most of the audience stopped believing in fire around the same time they stopped believing in Santa, fans just weren’t buying it.

6 Losing to The Great Khali’s Tomahawk Chop 

via givemesport.com

5 Letting Brian Lee Wear His Stuff  

via wrestling20yrs.com

4 "Sweatpants McGoo,"A.K.A Undertaker The Big Crybaby 

3 Suburban Commando 

via kayfabenews.com

2 Straight-Up Murdering The Big Boss Man 

via marco93100.skyrock.com

1 Confessing To Murdering His Own Parents 

Further evidence that police are very dumb in WWE world - in 1998, The Undertaker went on cable TV and confessed to deliberately starting the fire that destroyed his family’s funeral home, left his little brother covered in scars, and ended the lives of both of his parents. Oddly, The Undertaker and Kane have joined forces as a tag team numerous time since this admission, so we suppose Kane wasn’t all that close with his mom. Incidentally, Undertaker also tried to drown Paul Bearer in melted cement at one point, so we suppose Kane was never very close with him, either. The Undertaker is a mass murderer and needs to go to prison. He murdered both of Kane's parents in cold blood and Kane doesn't care. Wrestling is evil. 

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The 15 Stupidest Things The Undertaker Has Ever Done