So by some combination of anger at the political establishment, general numb skullery and bizarre dark arts spells, WWE Hall of Famer Donald J. Trump is President Elect of the United States. This rightfully has angered many people who are already looking ahead at the 2020 election. One of the celebrity names that keeps popping up there is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
And after electing an orange chihuaha as president, why not make it The Rock? At least everyone likes him. While we're at it, why not go all the way with it and make his cabinet filled with wrestlers? Surely they can't be any worse than what the U.S has now.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you (four years from now) President Johnson, his Vice President and his cabinet. And please, for the love of God, don't take this seriously.
Sure, The Rock was never a Paul Heyman guy, but the VP is supposed to be there to back up the president, right? Well, The Rock would get no better advocate than Paul Heyman. You can just picture Heyman lurking in the background whenever The Rock were to make a speech and if for some reason the charismatic Rock had to miss an event, you can be sure Heyman would keep everybody up to speed and get the president's message across.
Now, onto the cabinet.
Now while I'm well aware that we could easily put in Brock Lesnar as the secretary of defense and reducing the army down to one person, I have something else in mind for The Beast.
Before he was a global icon, Lesnar was a kid on a dairy farm in Webster, South Dakota. He even moved to Saskatchewan because he loved the farming culture and now lives on a farm out in the wilderness.
It's about damn time that countries make a huge push towards alternative energy resources and do away with fossil fuels. Enter WWE's resident hippie, Brie Bella.
Nobody has a bigger heart in pro wrestling than Mick Foley. If it wasn't already clear from his cheerful demeanor and love of Christmas, Foley has done charitable work with children in Sierra Leone and RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network).
Terrorists, those sneaky SOBs. You never know what kind of schemes they're planning, we need somebody who knows just as much about hatching schemes as they do to counter act it. I know the right player for this game...
Fans of Total Divas would know this; Nikki Bella has a real estate license. While for now she is focused on being a WWE Superstar, Bella does have a backup plan in case her wrestling career ever went south.
Let's just say it; in a different life time Daniel Bryan was most definitely a bear. Along with that, Bryan has a love of nature that is unparalleled. The Department of Interior's responsibilities include watching over all the national parks, lakes, rivers and all that good nature stuff.
CM Punk most definitely isn't afraid to stand up for himself and his rights. While others are afraid to take on WWE in legal matters, Punk not only beat them but did it in style. The Department of Labour needs someone who can fight for workers' rights and CM Punk definitely fits that bill.
Hey look at that, someone with actual political experience!
Truthfully I struggled to come up with a name for this position. While many wrestlers travel around the globe like they change underwear, not many have any background in engineering or infrastructure. There was one though.
Another man with a political background, Kane is often spoken of as the smartest man in the WWE locker room. The Secretary of the Treasury wears so many different hats and responsibilities that it needs a machine to run it. A big red one that is.
Sgt. Slaughter owes all his fame to his gimmick as former Marine Corps drill instructor. He obviously holds a great amount of pride in his military service so it's a natural fit to have him in charge of veterans' affairs.
He's an icon of the professional wrestling industry but more importantly he's been the locker room leader of the WWE for years. You better believe he has the credentials.
Think about it. Undertaker commands so much respect that is able to keep even the biggest of prima donnas like Shawn Michaels in line. With Taker at the helm, you better believe district attorneys and others will listen to what he has to say. Or else they can rest... in... peace... *rolls eyes for dramatic effect*.
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