Watching professional wrestling is easy enough, but to truly enjoy the world of sports entertainment, you need to have the ability to suspend your disbelief in a way that most people could never do. Yes, professional wrestling is a TV show, but because it attempts to present its world as somewhat authentic, anyone who wants to sit down and truly be entertained must learn to view certain aspects of the show with a wink and a nod. More often than not, those that truly despise professional wrestling are simply unable to accept this.
The funny thing about that, though, is that there are certain moments in pro wrestling that are just impossible to look past. While some of these moments relate to knowing more about the inner workings of the business and wondering about things like why a certain performer hasn’t been given a run at the top, there are scripted moments when professional wrestling becomes so absurd that you can’t simply turn your brain off and enjoy it any longer. It’s easy enough to imagine two competitors fighting for a championship, for instance, but when one starts accusing the other of necrophilia, then it’s kind of hard to just look past that.
Truthfully, though, if you start to watch pro wrestling while ignoring that part of your brain that has conditioned you to accept certain things, you’ll find that just about every minute of your average show features some serious gaps in basic logic. The funny thing about that, though, is that these occurrences happen so frequently, that they actually do start to make sense in their own way. Of all the things that we just come to accept about the world of pro wrestling, however, these are surely the Top 15 Aspects Of Pro Wrestling That Make NO Sense.
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15 Nothing Matters More Than Getting A Manager Off The Apron
It doesn’t matter if two wrestlers have guns pointed at the heads of a referee’s family, the moment that a manager jumps on the ring apron, the only thing that matters to the official is getting them off of it. While I can understand a referee getting upset if the manager is somehow actively interfering in the match, their mere presence on the ring apron is enough to capture the undivided attention of the official no matter what happens to be going on in the ring at that moment. The manager apparently also has the ability to reset the memory of the referee through this maneuver, as they never seem to question the pile of weapons lying at the heel’s feet that weren’t there before they dealt with that villainous manager.
14 Samoans Have Metal Skulls
As anyone who has ever had the misfortune of performing one in real life will tell you, there are few offensive moves as impractical as the headbutt. Given how the move is just as likely to hurt the one performing it as the person receiving it, it is generally only used in moments of sheer anger. Unless, of course, you are a Samoan wrestler, in which case your steel skull will prevent all possible damage. It’s difficult to say exactly when it was established that Samoans are the best headbutters in the world, but the one thing we do know is that they are born to smash other wrestlers with their heads without repercussion.
13 Everything Hurts Twice As Much Outside Of A Match
Hit Dean Ambrose with a steel chair during a match and he will laugh, get up and come at you with a newfound intensity. Hit Dean Ambrose with a steel chair during an in-ring promo, however, and he is clinically dead. For whatever reason, every attack performed by a wrestler outside of the context of a match hurt twice as much as they would in the match. This is especially true of finishers which are somehow able to put a wrestler into a coma at the end of RAW but fail to keep them down for three seconds at the PPV that week.
12 It’s Okay To Hit A Referee As Long As They Are Knocked Out
Have you ever heard a tough guy in a movie say “You better knock me out if you hit me, because if not, I’m coming after you?” This is apparently the motto that wrestling referees live by. If you are a heel wrestler and you push a referee to the mat, they are going to disqualify you as quickly as it takes for the bell to ring. If, however, they knock out a referee and he stays down, the moment they wake up again – or that another official joins the match – all is seemingly forgiven. So remember kids: if you’re going to strike an authority figure, make sure to knock them out and you’ll be alright.
11 The Power Of Management Is Limited To In-Ring Events
Let’s say you’re Vince McMahon and Stone Cold/RomanRegins/John Cena/Daniel Bryan have made themselves your enemy. Even though you are the owner of the company – and can conceivably do whatever you’d like – it is apparently not within your power to simply strip them of the title or fire them on the spot. Instead, any punishment you wish to inflict upon that wrestler must be enforced in the form of a match stipulation. Say what you want about the downsides of wrestlers not having unions, but these guys apparently have lifelong job security so long as they can continue to win the right matches.
10 More Flips = More Pain
Dive off of the top rope to hit a wrestler below with a flying body splash and they’ll most likely still have the strength to get up before you even start the pin attempt. Perform a triple-backflip-corkscrew-plancha-splash, however, and you can incapacitate your foe like you’ve just hit them with your finisher at the end of a promo. Essentially the wrestling equivalent of a movie swordfighter performing unnecessary flips during a duel, the logic here is that these extra rotations somehow lend extra momentum to the maneuver.
Call me cynical, but I’m still pretty sure that a full-grown man landing on you is going to hurt just as much even if the judges don’t give the performer a 10 for form.
9 The Production Team Is Omnipotent
A wrestler can return from a career-threatening injury after a few weeks, and shock the fans, in-ring performers, management and announcers. The only people they can never surprise, though, are the production team. No matter how shocking a wrestler’s appearance may be, the production team will always have their entrance music and pyro effects ready to go for them the moment they arrive. My only theory on this one is that the production staff is essentially like The Watcher from Marvel Comics in that they see and know everything, but do not relay their knowledge in order to not disrupt the course of the future.
8 Ladders Suck Out Human Energy
Ladder matches may not be the most classic form of wrestling, but they’ve been around long enough now that you’d think that you’d think that modern wrestlers would at least have learned the complicated technique of climbing a ladder. And yet, without fail, every single time a wrestler approaches one of these things, they act like it’s the first time they ever saw one.
While it makes sense that a wrestler would be fatigued at the end of a ladder match, even the initial climbs to the top are performed at a pace that suggests the ladder’s rungs are able to drain the very essence of the wrestlers that touch them.
7 Attacking A Bad Guy Is The Ultimate Act Of Forgiveness
In real-life, redemption is a difficult thing to come by. Though many humans are willing to forgive their loved ones, there are some acts that you can perform which are not easy to come back from. This is not the case in professional wrestling. It doesn’t matter if a heel urinates on fans, sets the babyface on fire and insults the local sports team. The moment that they attack another heel, they are instantly a fan favorite whose misdeeds are easily placed behind them. By wrestling logic, Hitler could have become a U.S. citizen if he had only bodyslammed Mussolini before Berlin fell.
6 Laws of Society Do Not Apply
In the name of everything that is decent, Kane should be atop of the FBI’s most wanted list. This man has burned, mutilated, tortured and straight-up murdered a frightening amount of individuals during his tenure as a WWE employee. And yet, he continues to be a valuable member of the company. The only explanation for why Kane – and other wrestlers like him – are able to get away with what they do is that all wrestling events take place in international waters where the laws of society do not apply. Then again, if that were true, wrestling pirate Paul Burchill probably should have achieved more than he did.
5 Wrestlers Don’t Watch Other Wrestler’s Matches
I always laugh whenever I hear an announcer compliment a wrestler on studying their opponent, because I’m fairly confident that no professional wrestler has ever seen their opponent’s matches before. How else do you explain every single opponent catching a chair that RVD throws at them or turning to face Shawn Michaels while he is stomping away in the corner? Either wrestlers are the most gullible group of athletes in the world or none of them have ever bothered to do even the most basic of homework regarding who they will face next. Honestly, the problem is so bad I’m not entirely sure it’s not a combination of both.
4 Offensive Moves Only Hurt If you Miss Them
Let’s say that I take you to the top turnbuckle and suplex you to the mat below. So long as I am successful in performing this maneuver, I will be able to kip-up, pin you and probably still have energy left to cartwheel to the locker room. If, however, you manage to push me from the top turnbuckle, then someone had better call the priest because it is surely my last moment on Earth. Even though the fall from both is the exact same, the only way it could possibly hurt me is if I don’t take you with me. Why? Because professional wrestling, that’s why.
3 Pulled Tights Are Inescapable
As a kid, I never questioned that the most dastardly thing a heel wrestler could do was pull the tights of his opponent. That villain! How is the hero ever supposed to escape from that? Now, though, I can’t help but wonder what exactly it is that they’re trying to accomplish here. The argument tends to be that they are somehow gaining additional leverage through this action, but there really doesn’t seem to be anything about this maneuver that would prevent the wrestler from kicking out as normal, or at least getting their shoulders up. Maybe wrestlers just don’t like having their butts exposed. Except for Ric Flair and every diva from the Attitude Era, of course.
2 Time Between Shows Doesn’t Exist
Much like how authority figures seem to be limited to only applying punishments that can be enforced via a match, no wrestler or performer seems capable of actually settling any ongoing issues between shows. Even though these people all work together, the only time they apparently interact are the moments that we see them in the ring together. Just once, I want to see The Undertaker and Kane be involved in a white-hot angle on RAW and for the next RAW to start with an explanation that they got in a fight on that Tuesday, had a casket match on Thursday, settled their differences on Saturday and are actually ready to team up again now.
1 Anything Can Be Settled In The Ring
WWE once ran an angle where the Big Boss Man drove into a cemetery that was hosting the funeral of the Big Show’s father, beat up the Big Show, stole his father’s casket and drove off with it. How did these two men settle their differences? By seeing who could keep the other person’s shoulders down for three seconds. Yes, it doesn’t matter if you’ve pulled a gun on someone during a home invasion attempt, put another wrestler’s wife in a temporary coma or set a man on fire; there is no grudge in professional wrestling that can’t be resolved through an old-fashioned match. Of course, if things really get intense, then the score is settled by seeing who can walk out of a steel cage door first.
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