Before I go any further, let's just get this out of the way right now. Yes, I'm a guy and I watch Total Divas on the E! Network. Why? Well, I feel that is a highly informative show which teaches you life lessons about relationships, responsibility and sexual relations. The show features inspirational role models such as Eva Marie and Cameron that struggle with absolutely genuine plots like Eva's family not accepting her husband and Cameron losing Natayla's cat because she threw a house party at the house she was supposed to watch while her fellow Diva was away.
Okay now that you've finished reading fake intro, here's the real intro. Total Divas is a bizarre train wreck which grabs your attention with its jaw-dropping women and keeps it because of the absolute calamity of emotions the show puts on display. While there are plenty of moments that just make you want to smack yourself for spending your Sunday night in front of a T.V with your brother, there are also the great moments. Moments that make you howl with laughter and maybe, just maybe, there are those moments which give you all them tingles up and down your spine. While I'm sure there will be plenty of commenters that will rain hellfire on me for writing something positive about this show, I have my flame shield up so bring it on. Here are the top 15 moments in the first three seasons of Total Divas.
By the way, there is no Eva Marie and Cameron in this countdown. They're by far the worst Divas on the show so don't fear. Also, if anybody complains about the show being scripted, I'll just remind those PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING fans that the drama in pro wrestling is also scripted, so there.
Also guys, let's face it; if you're lucky enough to have a special lady in your life, watching Total Divas with her might be about as close as you get to ever watching wrestling with her.
16 Cameron's Boyfriend Vinny Crashes and Burns At WWE Tryout
Now I know I said there would be no Cameron in this countdown, but she is only here by technicality. In this moment, Cameron pushes her boyfriend Vinny to try out for the WWE and it first it makes a lot of sense. The guy is huge... and that's pretty much all you need to get a shot in Vince McMahon's book, so why not try out? The problem is though that his cardio is so bad he makes Great Khali's work rate seem like Dolph Ziggler's. After a couple of bumps and warmup drills, Vinny was already sweating and gasping for air, looking nothing like the huge beast he appears to be.
Now in fairness to Vinny, it looks like he just did it to appease his girlfriend so props to him for that and hey, worst comes to worst he can always do naked stinkfaces while smashing doughnuts in people's faces to get out of training with Bill DeMott.
15 Natalya Pisses Herself
Natalya has had a sorted history with bodily functions in her WWE career. First off, she was given a gimmick which consisted of her having really bad gas in 2012 (really) and then a year later on Total Divas Nattie faced another issue revolving around bathroom problems.
In a Superstars match versus Naomi, Nattie got nailed in the stomach by a kick from Naomi. While nothing appeared to be wrong, Nattie knew something we didn't; she pissed herself. After finishing the match, Nattie ran to the back and bitched about her seemingly career ruining moment to the "Wild Stallion" Naomi. If it happened to anybody else this would be an ok moment, but the fact that it happened to a Diva who had a flatuence gimmick made it a memorable one.
14 John Cena Buries Daniel Bryan
That damn John Cena, even on Total Divas he has to bury people! In only the second episode of the series, John Cena and Daniel Bryan took on their women in a tag team wood chopping contest for ultimate wood chopping supremacy. The winning team would receive massages from the losing team. In the interest of fairness, the Bellas were given three-to-one odds, as Bryan and Cena would have to chop three pieces of wood to match one from the Bellas. After the Nikki and Brie took their turns, Cena took control of the axe and obliterated stump after stump. After his turn was up, all Bryan had to was chop two stumps in order to win.
Bryan though, being the real world babyface he is, wanted to only tie the Bellas. Problem is, Bryan couldn't even chop one stump and as a result, the Divas defeated their boyfriends. Eh, at least Bryan beat Cena at SummerSlam 2013 right?
13 Brie Bella Really Needs Protection
Back in the summer of 2014, Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella were the victims of a robbery at their Phoenix home. While Bryan subdued one of the robbers and everyone was safe, his wife Brie Bella wasn't going to take any more chances. She was going to protect her home by any means necessary damn it! As part of her initiative, Brie hired a security company to install barbed wire along her fence. What she didn't do was tell her husband and thank God she didn't because what followed was great T.V.
Upon seeing the security measures, Bryan's face takes on a puzzled look as he pondered just how paranoid his wife was being. The scene gets really funny when Bella shows Bryan the "Beware of Dog" signs she had put up on the fence and Bryan points out that their dog Josie is as threatening as The Miz's 2011 offensive arsenal.
After not convincing her to drop the project, Bryan told his wife that he would build a bomb shelter. Somehow, I bet that Brie is still waiting on that bomb shelter, D-Bry.
12 Brie Bella Doesn't Really Need Protection
While Brie Bella might need protection for her home, she doesn't need protection in the bedroom. While shopping in "Luci's Healthy Marketplace", Brie's twin sister Nikki Bella laughs at the idea of organic condoms and Brie comments that if she were to use condoms she would buy those. Wait what?!
Yup, that's right everybody, Daniel Bryan doesn't wear condoms when making whoopee with Brie Bella. I can't tell if the show was trying portray this as a serious moment or not, but all I imagine is John Cena teaching Bryan how to always to kick out at two before his own personal Yes Movement enters up Brie Bella's box.
11 Summer Rae Slaps Natalya
Summer Rae is one of those Divas on the roster who just kind of fades in the background amongst the cast of more experienced workers like Paige and Alicia Fox but on Total Divas, she is the biggest heel the company has ever seen. Everybody from Eva Marie to Brie Bella seems to have had an issue with Summer Rae at some point in the show's run but nobody has had more of a problem with Summer than Natalya.
The whole episode was building to this moment when Summer confronted the Hart family member at her home about the beef between them. In the argument that followed, Natayla called Summer a stripper with no values and Summer accused her of feeling threatened by the new crop of Divas. When Natayla used the S-word (single) though, it got real. In response, Summer slapped the taste out of Natalya's mouth. I think this is a good scene because it is hard to see who's in the right here. Sure, Summer's slap was out of line, but why should Nattie have the moral high ground to call Summer a stripper? If you're not one for ethical dilemmas, you can just enjoy the cat-fight.
10 Natalya Puts Her Career On The (Phone) Line
This moment happened in the first season of the show when Natalya, after a night of drinking with her girlfriends, had to face to Stephanie McMahon in her office. For anybody who's watched WWE, they know just how intimidating the Billion Dollar Princess can be. Why was Nattie in there though? Well she left some messages on Stephanie's phone, which included (courtesy of www.diva-dirt.com):
“I’m frustrated and I don’t want to go to work and feel that pent up anger. It’s building and building and building.”
“So I just don’t understand why I’m not the Divas Champion right now.”
“I don’t understand why it’s so hard for you to get back to me!”
“First of all, I’m not wearing any underwear and I’m ready to ride”
"Please return my phone calls. I’ve done everything I can to make you guys like me. I’m just so f****** frustrated. Obviously I don’t mean anything to you so I’m done. I quit! I don’t even care anymore, Steph! "
After that, you would expect Stephanie to channel the spirit of her father and bellow "You're Fired!" but no, instead she just tells Nattie it's ok and forgives her for the drunk calls. Now if Steph could give a big "You're Fired!" to Cameron, all will be right in the Total Divas world.
9 Rosa Mendes Kisses Paige
You know, for all the flack that Eva Marie gets for being a horrible wrestler, Rosa Mendes is just as bad. She botches more than the original Sin Cara yet she's been in the company since 2006 (counting OVW). How the hell is she still employed by the...
Woah sorry, I just got sidetracked by Rosa Mendes and Paige sharing a smooch. Yeah I know it's very stereotypical of me to drop my jaw from two women kissing but by gawd this is Rosa Mendes and Paige we're talking about here. Sure it was completely awkward and almost ruined their friendship but they ended up being fine, so let's all enjoy the reason why Mendes is still employed by the WWE. As a side note to the kiss, Paige's reaction to Rosa Mendes ignoring her phone call later in the episode was also hilarious.
8 Paige Enters The Brie Mode Experience
One of the hallmarks of the Total Divas show is the much touted Brie Mode. Normally Brie Bella is a very composed and serious woman but when she goes out on the town, she enters Brie Mode, a state of mind where anything and everything is possible courtesy of copious amounts of alcohol. While Brie Mode was seen all the way back in the first season, it was with Paige where Brie Mode got taken to the next level.
In her home country of England, Paige challenged Brie Bella to show her just how notorious she can be. What she got was Brie Bella drinking tequila shots with worms in them and Brie screaming "LIKE A ROCKSTAR!!!" at the top of her lungs. It was hilarious and a glimpse into just how much of a schemer Paige can be. The ultimate question though guys, is why did she lose her shoe?
7 Abstinence Bus Is Defiled
If you didn't know, Daniel Bryan is kind of obsessed with being green. As a result Bryan only would get a tour bus if he were to share it with a bunch of other people in order to save them the gas. So when the entire cast packed on the bus, Bryan instituted a rule stating that there would be no sex on the bus. Of course, being a reality show, this rule was broken quickly as Brie caught Naomi and her husband Jimmy Uso doing the nasty in the bus. While Daniel Bryan shut down the bus afterwards and called it a failure, I think the bus provided us viewers with enough good moments to call it a success.
5 Paige Puts Placebo High on Natalya
When Paige was announced as a new cast member on Total Divas' for its third season, I believe that everyone was excited to see this British beauty and she didn't disappoint.
Right in her first appearance, Paige brought Nattie to a house party with a cast of characters who looked like they fell off of Adam Rose's bus and gave her some delicious brownies. Pot brownies actually, which are barred under WWE's Wellness policy. This of course made Nattie freak out about her job for the whole episode until Paige told Nattie that they were actually just regular brownies. Mean prank? I don't think so, but Paige was so nice that she brought Nattie some gifts and apologized to her anyway. A great introduction to one of the best characters on Total Divas.
4 Alicia Fox Faces Bad News Barrett
I consider myself fairly in the loop when it comes to wrestling gossip, but even I didn't know that Alicia Fox and Wade Barrett (real name Stuart Bennett) were a couple at one point. After breaking up, Fox didn't take it that well and was heartbroken for a long time. Her friend Paige though encouraged Fox to talk to Barrett about her feelings and in one of the most shocking moments of the show, no drama happened.
Yeah, really. Fox pulled Barrett aside (after puking due to her nerves) and asked him why he broke up with her. Barrett just simply told her that he didn't see himself spending his life with her and Fox accepted it, so they hugged it out. This may seem like a run of the mill moment, but I think its very refreshing to see two adults speak like adults to each other and settle their business without drama. Kudos to you Alicia Fox and Wade Barrett.
3 Brie Bella Says Yes!
For all of the drama that goes on in Total Divas, there are those moments that really do tug at the heartstrings and this is one of them. After about three years of dating, Daniel Bryan popped the big question to Brie Bella at the top of a mountain in California. Of course, Brie gave the only possible answer you could ever give to Daniel Bryan. Yes! Yes! Yes!
This an awesome moment not only because of the heartfelt emotion you feel from it but also the context. When this episode aired, Daniel Bryan's popularity was sky high and it was so rewarding to see Bryan succeed in his WWE career while also winning in his personal life. The underdog finally got the girl forever (kind of like Spider-Man and Mary Jane eh?) and would soon capture the championship.
2 John Cena Turns Heel In Beer Pong
The IWC has been clamoring for John Cena to turn heel for years, but all they had to do was watch Total Divas and they could have seen Cena transform into Deke "The Spenz" Stokes: frat boy and douchebag extraordinaire! In the final round of a series of contests between himself and his girlfriend Nikki Bella, John Cena put on possibly his most entertaining performance ever as he talked trash, threw balls and strutted to beer pong victory over Nikki. Nikki throwing beer in Cena's face doesn't even matter because what preceded it was so damn good. Honestly, my words cannot do Cena justice so just watch.
1 The Wedding
There's a reason why "Braniel" is considered the beloved couple on Total Divas, and this is it. As the centrepiece of the season two finale of the series, Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella tied the knot only one week after Bryan won the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania XXX. Smack in the middle of a foresty resort in Arizona, the best week of Bryan and Brie's lives culminated in a tremendous ceremony which left viewers filled with fuzzy feelings. Seeing Bryan dance at the reception was just icing on the (wedding) cake. You can object to lots of other moments on this countdown as being exploitative or in bad taste, but nobody can disagree that Brie Bella and Daniel Bryan's wedding is the best moment on Total Divas.
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