An old insult that has been used over the years to try and get a one-up over wrestling fans is that wrestling is a touch homoerotic. While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with homosexuality, it’s sometimes hard to argue that what is depicted inside the ring is a little on the man-on-man lovey-dovey side of things.
After all, professional wrestling generally features two or more excessively sweaty, half-naked men rubbing up against each other and pretending to inflict serious damage to one another.
While certain moves are truly devastating and, while not intended to cause serious harm or injury, look like they could cause some serious damage, there are others that just look awkward and unnecessarily like sexual acts.
Whether intentional or not, these moves are hard to take seriously when it comes to crunch time in an important pay-per-view match with millions of people all across the world tuning in.
Let’s take Hulk Hogan, for example, who is by far the most well-known wrestling name there has ever been and likely ever will be. Imagine one of his signature moves wasn’t the body slam but rather a combination of shameless spanking and humping on a helpless opponent, which he delivered to Andre the Giant at WrestleMania III – would that moment ever become as big as it is?
Some of these 15 wrestling maneuvers have become iconic on their own, while others are best left in the very back of fans’ memories. Either way, they are all most definitely unnecessarily homoerotic.
15. Earthquake Splash
Never mind the goofy jumping up and down to make the ring shake beforehand, this move, although not the only one of its kind, is just horribly awkward. After bouncing off the ropes a couple of times, ‘Quake would launch himself over his opponent and come crashing down seated on their chest with his assumedly very smelly crotch positioned in the face of his pinned opponent. Have some sympathy, man.
Basically any move that requires placing another man’s head in between your legs is a little on the homoerotic side, but Triple H revolutionised this position by also hooking his opponent’s arms and slamming them to the mat face first, ensuring that enough downward-crotch-pressure is applied to ensure the downed foe won’t answer the count of three.
13. Bear Hug
This is more on the adorable side of things rather than homoerotic, but nevertheless, it still qualifies. The bear hug is meant to be a submission manoeuvre that involves a muscular guy lifting his opponent off their feet and squeezing the life out them until they pass out. What it looks like is a big cuddle until opponent falls to sleep. Realistically, you could replace the term ‘spooning’ with ‘bear hugging’ and it would pretty much be the same thing.
Because simply placing your face between a man’s legs wasn’t basic enough, we have the Dudley Boys’ signature Whassup? maneouvre. As Bubba Ray Dudley holds the victim’s legs wide open while D-Von Dudley dives off the top turnbuckle and lands head first on the poor guy’s groin, you’ve got to wonder who is really benefiting from this move. Poor victim gets a noggin to the gonads, D-Von allows gravity to drive his face into poor victim’s privates, and then there’s ol’ Bubba Ray allowing it all to happen. Good grief.
11. Pumphandle Slam
Alrighty, you can’t sit there and tell me that bending a guy over, reaching in between his legs to grab his arm, hooking the other arm and maneuvering him into a slam isn’t a little bit overly homoerotic and unnecessary. If you want to slam the guy then do so; why do you need to hold his arm in between his legs?
10. Goldberg’s Jackhammer Pin
The Jackhammer is a pretty cool move on its own and let’s face it, it was pretty much the only thing Goldberg could do for the better part of his WCW tenure aside from running head first into his opponent. However, there is absolutely no need for Goldberg to put his leg between his opponent’s legs and effectively push their crotches together when going for the 1-2-3.
9. Every Pinning Combination Ever
Some say pinning combinations are a display of agility and technical wrestling, others say it’s a live display of the Kama Sutra performed between three ropes on a mat in front of adoring fans. Either way, although impressive, pinning combinations generally end up resulting in multiple crotch/butt-to-face moments in a short period of time. Shoutout to the victory roll pin, which is by far the most homoerotic of them all.
8. Eugene’s Horseback Ride
It’s no surprise one of the only moves Eugene used that wasn’t stolen was completely stupid, considering the stupidity it took to actually follow through with portraying a disabled character, but I digress. Mounting your opponent and proceeding to spank them and ride them around the ring like a horsey is completely homoerotic. Aside from leaving the odd handprint, the only thing this is going to damage is the victim’s pride.
7. The Stinkface
It’s understandable that Rikishi’s Stinkface is meant to just be gross – and it is – but there is something about a 425-pound man pulling up his thong and rubbing his exposed booty into another man’s face that seems a little off. Forget about the guy’s strength and massive size, how about he just rubs his butt in someone’s face instead? Rightio then.
6. Grapefruit Claw
Ric Flair earned the moniker of “the dirtiest player in the game,” but this is taking it a little too far. Whoever named this move clearly attempted to make it sound like some kind of intimidating attack, when in reality it is simply grabbing someone’s privates. Any male can attest to this being horrifically painful, and in reality likely more painful than the majority of wrestling moves, but come on. Let’s get a bit more creative, people.
5. Tombstone Piledriver
For one of the most must-see and arguably devastating finishing moves, the Tombstone Piledriver is bordering on necrophilia considering it was made famous by The Undertaker. Highlighting WrestleMania after WrestleMania, it takes serious skill to make a move that sees ‘Taker deliver a piledriver while both men’s faces are in each other’s crotches seem so cool. Kudos, Deadman.
4. Bronco Buster
It would be fun to hear the conversation that led to the Bronco Buster becoming a well-known signature move. “Alright, you sit down in the corner and I’m going to run across the ring, mount your face and repeatedly bounce up and down.” Nevertheless, it doesn’t look like it hurts all that much, but the damage done to your ego to allow the move to be done to you will be enough to have you contemplating retirement.
3. The Big Wiggle
Standing behind your bent over opponent and humping while repeatedly spanking their behind isn’t just overly homoerotic, it’s straight-up something you’d see in a poor X-rated movie. Although it is completely ineffective as far as wrestling moves go, the recipient would likely need to seek months of mental therapy. That’s probably good for something.
The Viscagra is described as an “amateur-style back riding position with pelvic thrusts.” That’s enough to make this list right there. Somehow during 2005, Viscera went from a disciple in the Ministry of Darkness in 1999 to tagging with Val Venis as “The World’s Largest Love Machine,” an even more awkward version of Mark Henry’s Sexual Chocolate. As part of this stupid gimmick, Viscera’s new signature move involved him slapping his opponent’s butt before mounting and humping him. Oh, WWE.
1. Danshoku Driver
You could pick basically any move from Danshoku Dino’s moveset and place it at number one (Google it, you won’t be disappointed), but this takes the cake. The move is simply a back-to-belly piledriver, except instead of just placing his opponent’s head between his legs, he opens up his trunks and fits his poor foe’s melon right up against his exposed privates. There are no winners here.
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