Life was once so simple, so pure, so enjoyable. The grass was a vibrant green and the sky was a piercing blue. The invisible man in the clouds known as “God” seemed to take care of every little creature on the planet and at night, falling asleep was quick and easy … then you grew up and everything changed.
Simplicity no longer exists as complication rules your world. The grass is dead and the sky is in constant overcast. “ God” is gone and now you're an existential mess, navigating through the absurdity of being alive. The heavy bags and bloodshot bulbs are distinctly visible as scatterbrain insomnia comes back to visit each and every night.
You begin to notice the little gray hairs peeking through or the thinning hairline that recedes more and more each day. Your stomach is soft, your knees are no longer as sturdy, and your back aches at the end of any psychical task. You are growing older and there is nothing you can do about the inevitable change and final destination.
The bars which you once frequented as the conniving Casanova patron have been taken over by a younger generation. The women you once desired have faded into obscurity as the next-gen females seem foreign to you and your aging body. No longer do you search the scene, you now sit on a lonely bar stool and drink yourself into a stupor; awaiting last call and the 3:00am fast food purge that will only reemerge in your toilet bowl.
“DRINK. EAT. VOMIT. SLEEP. REPEAT.”
This brings us to your wrestling habit and your inability to remove yourself from that world despite your age, status, or situation in life. Why are you still watching wrestling at your age? Well, there are a number of different reasons; which we will explore moving forward.
These are the top 15 reasons grown men can't get over professional wrestling:
15 15. The Anger of Others
Fans of WWE will know all too well how the product can have its ups and downs. Often falling into a slump and growing stale for a substantial amount of time. This could lead to a brief break with the company but not always.
Instead, you continue to watch - out of spite - even when those around you (fellow wrestling fans included) complain about what is going down. Perhaps you have some deep-seeded sociopathic issues or perhaps you thoroughly enjoy being a smartass. Either way, the show remains on your screen.
14 14. An Alternative to What's "In"
The Attitude Era is over (Yes, it is hard to admit). Professional wrestling hasn't been considered "cool" since that time and will probably never reach that level of coolness ever again ... but it remains an alternative to what is considered "cool."
There are so many people who pride themselves on being "different." The hipster-hack who needs to standout from the crowd but really doesn't. Take a look at professional wrestling, hip-people, it is so "uncool" that you may just turn the circus into an "it" thing.
13 13. It's Comforting
Michael Cole catches a lot of heat from fans but face it: you have grown used to the voice. Monday morning may have been rough but come Monday night, that old Michael Cole voice provides a feeling of comfort.
And yes, you would rather hear Jim Ross but he's gone and while you will never admit to liking Michael Cole, you can never forget or replace his voice in your head as all too familiar soundbite.
12 12. Wrestling Fans Don't Care
The strangest group of professional wrestling fans you can find are usually the grown men who are attending shows. This is not a bad type of strange bur rather a strange that is embraced by those within the wrestling community.
"Oh, we should stop watching this stuff and grow up?" ... "We don't care about your opinion." The grown man professional wrestling fan watches it because he likes it and doesn't care otherwise.
11 11. Better Than Other Programs
Flip through your channels and what will you find? A bunch of inbred reality television stars, the same tired sitcom concepts, and overplayed cop drama. Then you find yourself searching around Netflix for something better which you think you find by lack of strong comparison.
Monday Night Raw is new each and every week and while WWE is guilty of tired an overplayed concepts as well, there is always a chance of catching something unexpected at the most unexpected time (did anybody anticipate the CM Punk "Pipebomb" promo?).
10 10. The Stereotype Entry
"It's still real to me, dammit!" ... This is a necessary entry as the stereotypical wrestling fan actual does exist. Mostly all grown male wrestling fans know full and well that the show is scripted and results are predetermined.
However, the sweatpants and Cheeto-stained t-shirt wearing, hiding in the basement, taking everything too seriously, grown-ass-man-fan is out there. We do not wish to belittle this man; he needs professional wrestling in his life. Therefore, just leave the guy alone.
9 9. It's Still Entertaining
You may not watch with you mouth agape anymore. You may predict outcomes and storyline twists long before they happen. You may jeer at certain performers regardless of the situation but you're still sitting there watching ... and why is that?
The answer is obvious: professional wrestling is still entertaining after all these years. So what if you saw a certain return coming from a mile away, you were still entertained by the aftermath of said return.
8 8. It Can Be Addicting
While professional wrestling is not a vicious street drug, it can prove to be addicting. The habit for many has been running strong for many years with no signs of kicking professional wrestling and moving on to something else.
Much like the little old lady who sits in her rocking chair every afternoon to watch the soaps - unable to miss an episode due to fear of missing the next part of the story - the professional wrestling fan sits locked with the same attention.
7 7. Escape From Reality
Life can be boring, bogus, and outright brutal. The daily grind seems never-ending and the ability to maintain interest in petty things becomes increasingly difficult as you grown increasingly frustrated with your surroundings.
So, for a few hours a week, you kick back, have a beer and watch a good old wrestling match. It's not a crime or anything too complicated; it's just professional wrestling. The false heroes have come to help you escape your reality for a little while.
6 6. Violence is Violence
Men are the brute beings that roam the Earth in search of food and mate. Men are hostile and haggard and love a good fight. Violence makes a man feels warm and fuzzy inside, almost like love but less intense and more involved.
Professional wrestling is perceived violence but violent in nature nonetheless. When watching a wrestling match there is always the possibly of witnessing complete carnage and chaos. Real blood and real pain.
5 5. The Nostalgia Aspect
There are those who believe that the "past is the past" and things that once were should not be dug up and recreated simply for the nostalgia that comes along. In professional wrestling, nostalgia is constant... especially now with the WWE Network.
Perhaps watching wrestling takes you back to a particular time and place with a particular person, someone special who may no longer be around. And maybe, just maybe, for a brief and involuntary moment, you smile with sincerity.
4 4. Children at Heart
Can you recall your earliest professional wrestling memory? It may involve Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, or Shawn Michaels and it is probably the catalyst of your professional wrestling affair/addiction/affliction.
You have probably been called a child by a friend or girlfriend before and it really didn't matter because you know deep down in your heart you are still that wide-eyed child who just wants to play with his wrestlers in the middle of the living room on a Saturday morning.
3 3. Cinderella in Wrestling Boots
It's no secret that attractive women capture the attention of men. In professional wrestling, attractive women are a-plenty. They're the girls you would love to meet in real life: beautiful, athletic, women, who actually like wrestling.
However, this girl is not sitting around at every pub around the corner so you have to watch her on television and find yourself a "wrestling wife." It's all a fairy tale that will never come to life but a man can dream.
2 2. Vicarious Living
Admit it: you have lived vicariously through a professional wrestler at some point. Perhaps it was Ric Flair and you saw yourself flying in a private jet, wearing an expensive suit, and hanging out with a gorgeous woman.
Perhaps it was Stone Cold Steve Austin and you saw yourself walking into the office and beating the hell out of your boss, drinking on the job, and causing a scene. The professional wrestlers provide grown men with these happy little thoughts.
1 1. Sharing it with Someone Special Someday
All right, let's conclude this list with a nice sentiment (not my usual style but let's change it up today). Why can't grown men get over professional wrestler? Because their fathers and grandfathers couldn't get over professional wrestling.
One day down the road - or perhaps right now - you may have a son who looks at you with those same hopeful and heartfelt eyes that you once had as the two of you share a moment and bond over professional wrestling.