You may be wondering how personally, or seriously, to take the following assessment of wrestling fans as a group. The answer: not personally and probably not very seriously, either.
But if you don't think any of the following generalizations apply to you in the slightest bit, then you my friend, are lying to yourself.
Not that being awful is anything to be ashamed of, or even a trait remotely specific to professional wrestling fandom. There are far, far worse sections of the human population.
Wrestling fans are better than ISIS, for example. Wrestling fans are also better than Donald Trump supporters. The overwhelming majority of wrestling fans are not Ted Bundy or John Wayne Gacy, or even Jared Fogle. Granted, these groups and individuals are not at all mutually exclusive, but that's beside the point.
But as is the case with the overeating and alcohol disorders wrestling fans are all too familiar with, problems don't get solved until they're recognized as problems. If wrestling fans ever hope to become less awful, first we must acknowledge the reasons why we are so very loathsome.
And in the long run, the best part of not-as-awful fans is it will lead to better wrestling. Higher functioning humans will require higher-minded entertainment, after all. By seeing their entertainment of choice improve, wrestling fans will become happier and therefore even better people. Everyone wins. Vince McMahon's total and absolute hatred for wrestling fans everywhere will be replaced with a quiet appreciation, even respect, for their dedication to improving themselves. We will make each other better.
But for now, first we must acknowledge our failings.
"This is obvious trolling," you think. The Sportster, a mind reading website, responds, "Yeah, pretty much, but hey, it's fun, so why not?!"
Here, in no particular order of importance, are the reasons why wrestling fans are the absolute frickin' worst ever.
15 They Aren’t Getting Laid
Sexually repressed adult men are the worst type of human beings that exist. All kinds of nasty behavior patterns and/or incidents are perpetrated by guys who are mad at the world because no one wants to see them naked.
14 Or, If They Can Get Laid, They’re WannaBe MMA Fighter Douches
13 They’re Not As Smart As They Think They Are
A study to determine what percentage of wrestling fans have the foggiest idea what goes into performing a successful wrestling match would be interesting, but ultimately exhausting and pointless. We’re guessing that percentage would be pretty darn low! Lower than five percent, if we’re being generous.
11 The Louder Ones Can’t Identify With John Cena
Plenty of fans chant “Cena Sucks!” Plenty of fans claim to loathe Roman Reigns. Wrestling nuts have been verbally urinating on Hulk Hogan for decades. But how often have we encountered a wrestling fan who claims to hate Mick Foley? Or even dislike Mick Foley? How about a “smart” wrestling fan who genuinely wanted to see Daniel Bryan kept in the midcard?
10 “Cane Dewey”
Nobody’s saying Tables Ladders and Chairs 2015 should be remembered as one of the all-time great PPVs and its main event clearly suffered from subpar build up and lack of audience investment. Nonetheless, at one point, Sheamus took a nasty ladder bump. Then, minutes later, Roman Reigns superman punched a chair into the now former-champ's face. The Philly crowd preceded to chant “Dan-iel Bry-an! (clap clap, clapclapclap) Dan-iel Bry-an!”
9 Population-Wide Secret Self-Loathing
It’s not a stretch to say that wrestling fans may collectively harbor some substantial issues with low self-esteem. Individuals with low self-esteem have more difficulty maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships and employment, and are more likely to struggle with substance abuse. I read that on a website that looked official and authoritative.
8 Vince McMahon Also Hates Wrestling Fans and Himself
Wrestling fans are a slovenly, boisterous lot who tend to lapse in regard to personal hygiene. Now, imagine being surrounded by such individuals your entire life. Keep in mind that a minuscule segment of wrestling fans grow up to be wrestlers themselves, if not work in the industry, meaning Vince McMahon has had virtually no reprieve from wrestling fans for his entire 70 years on planet Earth.
7 Legitimacy Complex
6 Childhood Cartoon Heroes Can’t Live Up To Reality
5 The Ugly Stereotypes (Like This List)
In the big scheme of things, wrestling is not considered high art. If you tell a stranger you’re a big professional wrestling fan, even if they have no negative preconceptions about wrestling fans, even if they themselves are wrestling fans, they’re not going to assume you’re smart. In fact, wrestling fans as a whole are often dismissed as dumber than fans of unscripted sports.
4 They’re Constantly Made To Feel Silly When Their Favorites Lose
Once again, let’s gaze back at the 2014 Royal Rumble. Clearly, a great many attendees at the Consol Energy Center that evening were tremendously fond of Daniel Bryan. The “Yes” Man appeared, and put on an outstanding performance alongside Bray Wyatt. If all they wanted was to see Daniel Bryan wrestle, they should have been satisfied, correct? What do wins and loses, or in this case, participation in a specific match that’s only important within an imaginary storyline, matter when you know it’s all a work?
Why is this kid so upset over CM Punk losing a “fake” fight?
3 “It’s Still Real To Me, Damnit!”
When a wrestling fan gets mega stoked about events transpiring in the ring, we refer to this phenomena as “marking out,” correct? So, since “mark” is a code word for uninformed wrestling fan, in essence, we’re implying that displays of authentic enthusiasm inspired by pro wrestling are inherently stupid and something we should feel bad about. And we came up with this idea ourselves.
2 They’re Never Happy
It’s fine and good to mock the children who go nuts with joy every time John Cena wins the world title, if that makes you feel better about yourself. But what if they are, in fact, the smartest wrestling fans of all?
1 Actually, Wrestling Fans Are Not The Worst. “Legitimate” Sports Fans Are More Awful.
Fans were downright livid when Batista won the 2014 Royal Rumble. Circumstances seemed perfect for an outburst of mayhem and random destruction of public property. And while a few media outlets described the reaction as a “riot” taking place, I hardly recall any reports of arrests, fires, or anyone flipping over any cars.
Meanwhile, devotees of “authentic” sporting events riot for real all the time. Fifty people were arrested amid a rampage that transpired after the Lakers won the NBA championship in 2010. This writer was present for the 2004 Red Sox riots in which a young woman was accidentally killed by the BPD. Soccer riots are so common they're practically a cliche.
Not unlike every single major WWE feud, the Red Sox/Yankees rivalry has been exaggerated by Major League Baseball in order to sell more “Yankees Suck” T-shirts, but good luck explaining that to Red Sox fans.
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