Kane made his debut all the way back in 1997. Crazy isn't it? Time flies when you're watching wrestling. He was billed as The Undertaker's demonic brother and there would be an eerie feeling whenever he'd make his way to the ring, similar to the cryptic feeling that fans get when Bray Wyatt makes his entrance. The difference was that "The Big Red Machine" was near 7 feet tall and jacked out of his mind. He also sported a cool looking mask to hide his face that was burned in a fire (in the storyline). Everything about him was scary, but sadly the aura has dissipated over the years, as he's been involved in many foolish scenarios.
We won't go as far as saying that WWE killed his character, as there does need to be a few gimmick changes over an 18+ year career. However, as fans, we couldn't help but collectively roll our eyes when the WWE brass decided to end "Night of Champions" with the return of "Demonic Kane." He's being tabbed as Seth Rollins' next opponent and no one in their right mind believes for one second that Kane will ever be champion again, so it's a pointless storyline. More importantly, Kane's gimmick has been flipped and flopped so much (literally, he even changes character mid-show now), that no one really cares anymore. He's also been involved in so many goofy circumstances that he simply cannot be viewed as "scary" either. This is not to say that he can't be useful on RAW, but the "Big Red Monster" gimmick is stale and unmoving. Now, in honor of Kane coming back as "Demonic" Kane, let's go over the top 15 dumbest Kane moments!
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15 15. He Suddenly Could Speak Perfectly
Kane spent the early part of his career as a mute and it worked for him (they probably should have kept Goldberg as a mute too, but that's a story for another day). He would just come to the ring and "clean house." Eventually he was able to mutter out a few words with a voice box that he would stick on his neck...weird, but we're still with them at this point. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he was able to speak perfectly, without any actual explanation as to how he was able to suddenly speak without help from his voice box (all we got was X-Pac saying you don't need this thing anymore). This took a lot of mystique away from Kane. It was also poorly executed because it happened so fast, which we'll get to next. The only thing more mysterious than Kane suddenly learning how to talk was how Kofi Kingston lost his Jamaican accent overnight.
14 Kane Says "Suck It"
Oh, this tangent is far from over. It's not as if Kane was out there cutting killer promos, he was saying nonsense that would demean his character week after week. At one point, Kane was paired up with X-Pac as a tag-team and they were actually pretty interesting. However, what made them so appealing was their polar opposite verbal and physical traits. In this one glorious example, Kane and X-Pac had just won the Tag Team Championships. X-Pac went into some standard DX vernacular: "If you ain't down with me, and The Big Red Machine, being the tag-team champs again, hold on...KANE has got two words for you." This was the first time he spoke without his voice box...utter disappointment.
13 Kane Graduates From Anger Management
Team "Hell No" (Kane and Daniel Bryan) was extremely entertaining. They'd bicker back and forth and both maintain: "I'm the Tag Team Champions!!" It was refreshing to watch, but it also continued to further Kane's goofball aura as his scary days were all but gone. All ridiculousness ensued when Kane and Daniel Bryan "graduated" from Anger Management. They even had a hokey and annoying dude present them with their diplomas. It couldn't get much worse, right?
Well, it did get worse...this was just the tip of the iceberg. They were even given the dorky hata that are typically worn when people graduate from college. The icing on the cake was when they made people in the crowd hug one another and they even got Michael Cole and The King to hug it out. Kane, Bryan and the prof finished off the segment by having a huge embrace in the center of the ring.
12 He was "Fake Diesel"
When Kevin Nash and Scott Hall left WWE for WCW, there was a lot of bitterness involved. Nash (Diesel) and Hall (Razor) packed up and left for monetary reasons, but the WWE was frustrated since they had spent a vast amount of time building the "Diesel" and "Razor Ramon" characters and had nothing to show for it. McMahon's way of showing that he still "owned" the characters was to create a Fake Diesel and Fake Razor Ramon and move along as if it were no big deal. Obviously the crowd knew what was going on and openly mocked the two phonies. One of those phonies was indeed Glenn Jacobs, who we now know as Kane. It was a dumb idea that never went anywhere as fans of Diesel and Hall simply tuned into WCW to watch them, while fans at WWE shows would take a bathroom break when the imposters would come out. It was a downright degrading gimmick for Jacobs.
11 The Isaac Yankem Gimmick
Being Fake Diesel must have been rough, but not as brutal as being Isaac Yankem. The Yankem character was portrayed as Jerry "The King" Lawler's evil dentist. There was nothing frightening about this gimmick at all, as going to the actual dentist is way scarier. One more root canal and I will lose it...but we digress. Even his intro music was torture to listen to and left fans covering their ears. His entrance song was simply the sound of dentist machinery going off, it was like nails on a black board. To be fair, he wrestled some good matches under this moniker, including a cage match with Bret Hart. Regardless of that, the gimmick was horrendous.
10 Kane Attempts To Marry Lita
For the record, the worst "wedding" of all-time still goes to Test and Stephanie McMahon, hands down. He walked to the alter with his entrance music blaring and was sweating profusely because he had just competed an hour prior to the "nuptials." The entire thing was nauseating and it's surprising Triple H didn't become an instant face for interrupting that debacle.
Kane also headed to the alter in an attempt to force Lita to marry him. The Big Red Machine could have very well been called "The Big White Doofus" on this night as he sported a terrible looking white tuxedo. Everyone knows that these "weddings" will be interrupted with an attack and sometimes a destruction of the wedding set. The hideousness of the Kane and Lita nuptials definitely dragged as fans were looking at their watches, waiting for the Matt Hardy interference. Fans had never been so excited to see Matt Hardy.
9 Kane Interrupts Edge And Lita's Wedding
Similar characters, similar circumstances, except Kane was ruining the wedding this time around. Yes, the evil Kane partook in a wedding and also ruined one. A little backstory, Edge and Lita had some serious heat as Lita cheated on Matt Hardy with Edge in real life. Naturally, the WWE built off this heat and had Edge and Lita become two of the biggest heels in wrestling. A Kane and Edge feud could have been an awesome chance to make Kane a baby face, but another wedding was the wrong way to go about it. It's was too predictable, as when the fake priest asked if anyone had objections, everyone knew what was going to happen next (there are always objections in wrestling weddings!). Kane appeared from under the ring, attacked Edge and then awkwardly destroyed the wedding set as the crowd sat there quietly...
8 Kane Tries To Electrocute Shane McMahon's Privates
Any legitimacy to Kane trying to electrocute Shane's privates was negated when good ol' J.R had this to say: "KANE IS ATTACHING THOSE JUMPER CABLES...AND I HATE TO SAY IT, TO SHANE MCMAHON'S TESTICLES!" Kane slow and methodically pulled out a battery and then proceeded to set up some jumper cables on Shane's man parts. On one hand, fans were thinking that this was stupid because in no way shape or form was Shane actually about to get electrocuted. Sure, wrestling is fake but there needs to be a degree of realism. It was just like when Vince McMahon's limo exploded and he "faked his own death," nobody bought it. But then on the other hand, out of morbid curiosity, people wanted to see how they would pull this off and how it would look for McMahon Jr. to get an electric shock. Rob Van Dam then ruined everything by attacking Kane and detaching the cables. The crowd genuinely sounded let-down and there were even a few boos.
At this point Kane had fully transitioned from a monster to part-time comedian. In this lame but memorable promo, Kane crashes the The Rock and Hulk Hogan's conversations with some words of wisdom of his own. Hogan confides in Rocky that Kane: "scares the hell out of him." The Rock also confirms Hogan's thoughts and confirms that "The Big Red Machine" is indeed one scary dude. Kane enters the fray and eyes both The Rock and Hogan down and looks like he means business. His next words were insanely frightening: "ya know something brothers, whether it's the millions, AND MILLIONS of Rock fans, or 20,000 Hulkamaniacs, or 20,000 screaming Kane-Anites." No need to talk about the rest of the promo, as everyone stopped paying attention and laughed at the word "Kane-Anite." The Rock's puzzled expression was priceless. It was a funny promo but when Kane is being used for such comic relief, it's tough to revert back to the evil Kane character.
6 Corporate Kane
In short, Corporate Kane works for The Authority and shows up to RAW in a sharp looking suit. It's not a terrible gimmick but at the same time, nobody can look at him and not crack a smile. He's been through so many goofy moments in the past that he can't be taken seriously as The Authority's henchman. He's just a lukewarm heel, at best. People like Eric Bischoff and John Laurinaitis excelled at this role because they genuinely annoyed people, as there'd be a wave of boos anytime they would show their faces or screw someone over. As mentioned in the intro, they're trying to go back and forth now between Corporate Kane and ""Demonic" Kane, and it's just not working.
5 Concessions Kane
What's worse than Corporate Kane? Concessions Kane. Once The Authority got banished (for like a week), Kane was demoted to working at the concessions stand. The once revered Kane was now serving hot dogs at the arena. He served the likes of Santino Marella and Larry The Cable Guy. Finally his new job came to a halt when Ryback wanted some protein. They had a little disagreement at the counter and Ryback threw a fit, pushing Kane into the wall and spraying him with mustard and ketchup (man, ketchup stains). Kane's first line of defense was to throw popcorn at him. He then sprinted away as Ryback stood there having a chuckle and didn't even leave a tip. Poor Kane, this is just getting sad.
4 Kane Dances
Not only is Kane a wedding crasher, he's also a pretty sweet dancer and might even put Vince Vaughn to shame. Santio Marella had just scored a big win over Justin Gabriel as The Core was standing ringside (The Core disappeared fast didn't they?). Kozlov, Big Show and Kane were also at ringside to show their support for Santino and to celebrate the big win. Santino urged everyone to dance to his theme music. Big Show and Kozlov obliged as Kane stood there staring blankly. After some encouragement, Kane started to break it down with some (not so) slick dance moves. At least this segment was meant to be comical, but there were some that were meant to be scary and ended up being unintentionally funny...
3 Kane Burns J.R.
Good Ol' J.R. loves his barbecue, but he was the one getting flamed here in one of the fakest and poorly executed moments in WWE history. It was two weeks after Kane got unmasked and revealed his face for the first time. J.R. was conducting a sit-down 1 on 1 interview with Kane and apparently J.R. offended Kane with one of his comments as Kane yelled: "DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME!" He tossed J.R. on the floor and poured gas all over him (because a container of gas just always happens to be there for someone's disposal). He then lit a match and set poor J.R. on fire. It was poorly done because it was clearly a dummy that he lit on fire. The worst part was that the screams of pain were pre-recorded, added in and were not in sync with what was happening on the screen. It was kind of like when Ashlee Simpson attempted to lip sync on SNL and her voice recording started before she started pretending to sing. Granted, Ashlee looked dumber than Kane and J.R.
2 Kane Gets Unmasked
WWE spent much of Kane's career hiding his face under the premise that it was burned in a fire as kid. It was actually pretty cool. Kind of like on the show Home Improvement where the neighbor would always hide his face behind the fence.
Well, on one fateful episode of RAW, Kane did indeed remove his mark. As per Eric Bischoff, the rules were that if Kane lost his match, he'd have to take it off. The fans anxiously awaited as he slowly peeled his mask off and it was hideous. He looked like a horror movie character or a Halloween costume gone terribly wrong. The only issue was that on the next episode of raw, his face looked completely normal. Yep, 30+ years of hiding his face due to "burns," but he magically heeled in a week. Confused much?
1 Katie Vick
If you're reading this article and disagreed with every single pick, you will surely agree with this one, as it's unanimously the dumbest (and most repulsive) Kane angle of all time. It may even be the most regretful storyline in wrestling history (it's a tie between this and May Young giving birth to a hand).
This was an angle that involved manslaughter and necrophilia. It's tough to believe that the current PG brand of wrestling went down this road. Triple H cut a promo where he talked about one of Kane's past lovers named Katie Vick. He then went on to talk about an occasion where Kane was driving Katie home from a party and got into a car accident, leaving him with a broken arm but that killed Katie instantly (it's about to get way worse). Triple H then said that Kane truly loved Katie. But when the autopsy came back, it revealed that Kane's semen was in her. What followed was maybe the most line-crossing comment ever as Triple H matter-of-factly asks: "did you force Katie to have sex with you while she was alive, or did you wait and do it to her when she was dead?"
Gassssssssp, yeah they went there, and then went a step further. Triple H actually did a re-enactment of Kane's love affair with Katie Vick, where he was in a funeral home thrusting inside a coffin. Triple H has gone on record saying that it was the most uncomfortable thing he's even done in his career because of the absurdity and because they were in an actual funeral home when shooting. He also said that Vince McMahon was not happy with the first take and commanded him to "THRUST HARDER!"
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