In the current world of professional wrestling, if you’re not able to do something that’s unique and captivating, you’re probably not going to hang around all that long.
In fact, simply referring to performers in a major company such as WWE as professional wrestlers is an understatement, given their success is determined by much more than just what they do in the ring.
When it comes down to it, just about every wrestler that has shot to fame in the past 20 years has done so due to their gimmick, charisma or uniqueness rather than just their wrestling ability.
Some professional wrestlers are born with natural charisma that allows them to shoot to superstardom – Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock and Hulk Hogan have charisma seeping out of their pores – and the result is making plenty of dollars and winning over the hearts of many middle-aged men. These are not those type of professional wrestlers.
In fact, they are so boring that there is no reality that exists that would allow these characters to ever be remotely interesting, whether it’s due to a terrible gimmick or a brain-numbingly obvious lack of the aforementioned charisma.
With WWE’s audience constantly craving something new and exciting, these performers are never going to fit the bill. While they may still serve as an interest to WWE’s younger fans, they are completely useless when it comes to retaining the older viewers that have been rapidly turning their televisions off.
These are the top 15 wrestlers who will never be interesting.
15. Big Show
Big Show has had an excellent WWE career, there is absolutely no denying that, and it is made all the more impressive due to how incredibly boring his routine has become. You don’t need to tell the fans how much of a giant you are over and over again when you stand out like a troll amongst leprechauns. Had Big Show’s career spanned through the 70s and 80s, chances are we would speak of him in the same light as Andre the Giant. However, as times have changed, Show gets to enjoy the “please retire” chants from fans that are sick of the same old big guy deal. It’s a cruel world.
14. Los Matadores
From the arsenal of borderline-racist gimmicks WWE wishes to force down our throats comes Los Matadores, the Puerto Rican luchadores playing generic Spanish bull fighters who fight rasslin’ baddies with their midget bull friend. And WWE still has the nerve to say its content is edgy and unique, with the company big wigs scratching their heads trying to figure out why the ratings are swirling down the toilet. Aside from a few flips and rolls, anyone old enough to not think their gender of romantic interest is still “icky” will be rolling their eyes for five minutes of underwhelming in-ring action.
13. Alicia Fox
Also known as that one Diva involved in the Divas Revolution you don’t even remotely care about. Currently aligned with the Bellas to fill out a completely pointless stable, Foxy can be seen jobbing on a weekly basis and nodding her head enthusiastically while the WWE’s female cash cows, Brie and Nikki Bella, cut promos that feature sentences that have unnecessary question marks at the end of them. A former Divas Champion (we have come a long way), let’s hope there are no future title reigns in her future.
12. Jack Swagger
From the traditional All-American American to his current American patriot gimmick, Jack Swagger is little more than a glorified pee break to anyone that doesn’t have a tattoo of an eagle perched in front of an American flag over their heart. It says something when even most Americans aren’t interested in a guy touting star spangled awesomeness. In fact, just about the only time Swagger has been remotely interesting is when WWE decided it would be a great idea to align him with Zeb Coulter and belittle “foreigners,” because that’s always a wonderful idea and definitely shows signs that WWE is a tolerant, accepting and diverse company.
11. The Miz
If you’ve ever found yourself asking the question “But what does he do?” when The Miz is on screen, you’re probably not alone. Although The Miz offered slight relief from the John Cena saturated programming during Miz’s run as the company’s top guy, any gimmick that revolves around telling everyone how good you are is not going to cut it for very long. Now that ol’ buddy Mike Mizanin is focusing on his acting career, performing memorable roles in classic films such as The Marine 4 and Santa’s Little Helper, he has adopted the on-screen persona of the cocky Hollywood actor that The Rock pulled off much better over a decade ago. Now would be a good time for The Miz to pursue his acting career. Away from WWE. Or anywhere with a wrestling ring.
10. Dash and Dawson
Dash Wilder and Scott Dawson are known as Dash and Dawson, or every generic tag team from the last 30 years. The pair may be impressive in the ring, enough to warrant holding the NXT Tag Team Championships, but there is nothing that makes them even remotely stand out gimmick-wise. The pairing may last during their time in NXT, where the fans adore everyone and everything, but there is no future for the pair on the main roster because there is zero intrigue surrounding them. No professional wrestler can survive without a hook, let alone in the tag team division which requires as many over-the-top performers possible to even gain the slightest attention. Unless you enjoy tag team chemistry, which Dash and Dawson have in spades, you’ve probably found yourself fast forwarding their matches.
9. Dana Brooke
There is no denying Dana Brooke’s athletic and wrestling ability, but watching her cut a promo is pretty difficult. Not only will Dana Brooke act as a chance for the viewer to do absolutely anything else, those that struggle through her promos will likely become irritated by her. The arrogant, stuck-up, better-than-everyone-else character has been done to death – especially in the Divas division, because female heels can only ever be giant bitches according to WWE – and it has been done much better than what Dana Brooke is capable of.
Unless you’re a massive Ric Flair fan, Charlotte is as generic as they come. Much like Dana Brooke, it’s impossible to deny her athleticism and technical ability, but even drying paint is insulted by how boring Charlotte is. Having been so vocal about pushing women’s wrestling in a positive direction and breaking away from the Flair name, it’s unfortunate to see that Charlotte’s Divas Championship reign has been one big Flair family love fest thus far, which leads the viewer to believe Charlotte is nothing more than an opportunity to show off just how much WWE loves Ric Flair. What makes things worse is the Divas division is stacked with unique talent that fans are screaming out for.
Hey kids, want to know how to ruin an incredible in-ring performer? Put him in a cape and portray him as a superhero that is almost as cringe-worthy as Eva Marie’s microphone skills. Adrian Neville’s gimmick in NXT was that he was an insanely talented aerial wrestler that you’re guaranteed to get five-star matches from. In WWE, the shortened Neville’s gimmick is that he constantly fights a guy wearing a ridiculous costume and face paint who claims to be a villain like any good superhero would. It’s as though WWE is the postman and my package arrived broken.
6. Summer Rae
If Summer Rae’s wrestling career were to die today, its tombstone would read: “Summer Rae was a thin, blonde woman.” That is all. The fact she somehow managed to find herself in a movie role alongside The Miz in Marine 4 – which is surely a magnificent, unbelievable, can’t-miss movie – goes to show just how little WWE cares these days. She wasn’t interesting in NXT, she wasn’t interesting as Fandango’s valet, she wasn’t interesting jobbing alongside Layla, she wasn’t interesting as Damien Mizdow’s bud, she wasn’t interesting as Lana II and she sure as hell isn’t interesting while (future spoiler) being one of the main reasons Tyler Breeze ultimately fails on the main roster. On a positive note, Summer Rae is proof that even if you have no wrestling ability or charisma, you can still make it on WWE’s main programming.
5. Braun Strowman
Braun Strowman is walking proof that Vince McMahon’s life force is controlled only by WWE having a slow, untrained, giant muscle-mutant on its main programming and it would come to an end if ever that sequence was to be broken. It’s like WWE writers desperately want everything the fans like to be ruined. Hey, you like The Wyatt Family and find them refreshing and cool? How about you also enjoy this waddling bearded cinder block? Someone please send a carrier pigeon to Vince McMahon’s hut and inform him this isn’t 1971 anymore.
Another member of the ‘Vince McMahon big guy life force club’, Ryback was reintroduced in late 2014 to help fuel the lack of main event talent, which came on the back of falling out of the main event scene due to the significant lack of interest in him. Because that apparently makes sense. At least the silence due to a sheer lack of care from fans during Ryback’s entrance allows for the SmackDown editing team to easily slot in a generic cheering track, so it’s not all bad.
If you’re looking for an obvious example of what WWE sees as the perfect superstar in contrast to what the fans want to see, here’s Sheamus. Despite his Irish heritage, offering a delightful fiddle-dee-dee twist to the typically ‘Murican product, Sheamus wasn’t interesting when he was fed to John Cena upon his WWE arrival and he isn’t interesting now. In fact, placing the WWE Championship around the waist of a guy that spent the last three months making sporadic appearances on RAW during a time when WWE is scrambling to sort its ratings out is surely one of the all-time blunders in the company’s history. We’ve heard the “I’m stronger and better than you” shtick from every heel champion in the history of professional wrestling; the only difference between them and Sheamus is that the Celtic Warrior is pastier than a gothic polar bear. No thank you.
2. Roman Reigns
It can’t be denied that Roman Reigns drew plenty of interest as one third of The Shield, but he can’t take credit for the trio’s success given that he acted as the generic muscle. Now that The Shield is well and truly an afterthought, Roman Reigns is clearly WWE’s hand-picked poster child who constantly faces oppression but keeps getting back up to eventually claim his prize, because the fans love a manufactured underdog, right? Because of WWE’s insistence on not allowing Reigns’ growth to happen naturally, as in all likeliness would have happened, his character has been ruined and will never be accepted by the informed fans that play a major role in deciding WWE’s success. Great job.
1. Eva Marie
If you created a template of the worst possible female wrestler, Eva Marie would fit the bill. Once you establish yourself as the ditsy model hired to provide unnecessary eye candy without offering an ounce of wrestling talent to go along with it, you’re not going to shed that image. Eva Marie spending time off camera to develop her wrestling skills and fiercer character has done nothing to change the fact she will be treated to a chorus of “you can’t wrestle” chants for the rest of her likely short career. Her wrestling skills are still sub-par and her ability on the microphone is like experiencing a baby’s first words, resulting in the all-round terrible performer that is Eva Marie.
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