We might not know everything here at TheSportster, but we know two things for certain. The first being that the internet loves pro wrestling. We know this because everyone loves pro wrestling. Even our significant others who throw rotten vegetables at our heads and scream and scream and scream and threaten to burn our houses down whenever a PPV Sunday evening rolls around secretly love professional wrestling.
The other thing we know is the internet loves cats. We know this because everyone loves cats, although we acknowledge that most people appear far more comfortable confessing to their adoration of cats than their love for wrestling. We’re not sure why that is. Cats like to play and eat food and take naps and be cute. Wrestlers like to pretend to commit merciless beatdowns upon each other’s faces, plus they like to go to the gym, and some of them like to party too much. So it’s not like wrestlers and cats have lots of things in common, but we can agree they’re not super duper different either, right?
Cats do enjoy battling, let’s remember, and when they see a bug or a bird, let us make no mistake - there is nothing scripted about the blood baths that ensue.
So we figured we had a massively original, totally unprecedented idea to make a list of wrestlers with cats, thereby guaranteeing an instant internet joy explosion. Then we found out Pro Wrestlers With Cats is already a Tumblr that exists. So yeah, someone beat us to the punch with this one.
Nonetheless - and with due credit to Pro Wrestlers with Cats - we’ve compiled a collection of wrestlers posing with cats, which we present to you here. Will it brighten your day by briefly distracting you from the endless, all-consuming existential dread that crushes all of our souls? We sure hope so!
18 Eden Stiles
Here's Eden Stiles - announcer and Mrs. Stardust - with Grumpy Cat from that one time Grumpy Cat co-hosted Raw. To some, Grumpy Cat is a polarizing figure, and an example of a pet owner cashing in on their feline companion's viral capability. To us, we just don't like that she's more famous than Lil Bub even though she clearly isn't as a great as Lil Bub, who would've made a much better Raw co-host, by the way. Lil Bub has her own YouTube show where she interviewed Michelle Obama and Steve Albini. Grumpy Cat has a bunch of stupid merchandise. Lil Bub is a better cat than Grumpy cat, and is cooler than Eden Stiles.
17 Stevie Richards
You may recognize Stevie Richards as one of his generation’s most underrated talents, and a guy who could’ve been as big of an ECW crossover star as Rob Van Dam had he not been hampered by injuries and the beloved but fatally comedic bWo gimmick. But in addition to his penchant for hardcore violence and making opponents beg for mercy in his patented “I’ll Tap You” variation of the Koji Clutch, he also evidently enjoys posing for pictures with kittens. Curiously absent from this shot - Odin the cat, who makes frequent appearances on Richards’ Twitter account.
16 Tyson Kidd
The final survivor of the Hart Family Dungeon (or, ah, one of the “final” survivors, anyway) is married to Natalya, and can’t leave her house because he is injured at all times. Seriously. Tyson Kidd is constantly getting ridiculously, seriously injured. Cars run him over whenever he goes outside. Most of his food turns out to be mysteriously poisoned. A piano fell on him one time. He's not allowed on airplanes anymore because they always crash. The Canadian Police tried to hire him as a human shield, because he's a proven magnet for stray bullets. It makes no sense, is probably a voodoo curse of some kind, but it is what it is. Therefore, Tyson Kidd is forced to spend countless hours recuperating at home with his cat. In an utterly singular circumstance, when the Total Divas cameras aren’t rolling, Tyson Kidd is also injured by this cat who turns into a giant monster cat, throws Kidd headfirst through nearby pieces of furniture, and break his arms with massive monster kitty jaws.
Here is one of the several pictures of Natalya and Louis the cat. Shortly before this picture was taken, Louis went into monster-mode and picked up Tyson Kidd and pulled his elbow backward until it snapped like a wishbone, forcing Kidd to miss another year of action in WWE. While Natalya was furious at first, obviously she forgave Louis almost immediately, as did Kidd. This incident illustrates one of the downsides of cats - it’s impossible to stay mad at them, even when they’re constantly brutalizing your husband and ruining his wrestling career.
14 How About Natalya Again?
This picture originates from a vodka-fueled four hours in which Natalya attempted to marry her cat. Much to Nattie's dismay, which turned into relief the next morning, human/cat marriages are against the law, even in Vegas. On a more serious note, we've come to understand that this is a shot of Nattie and Gismo the cat, who is sadly no longer with us as of 2013. TheSportster dedicates this list to the memory of Gismo, and apologizes for not acknowledging his passing in a more timely fashion.
13 Teddy Hart
Some say Teddy Hart is a notoriously unstable stoner with a terrible attitude, and the sexual assault charges brought against him in 2014 certainly don’t speak well of his character. But we know one individual who would likely not say such a thing - Mr. Money the cat, who sometimes accompanies Teddy Hart to ringside. If you’ve ever wondered whether cat adoption is right for you, keep in mind that unlike your fellow human beings, a cat will never have any idea what you’re saying, will never judge you for poor decisions you make in your personal or professional life, and therefore, will love you as long as you provide food and pets.
There’s a pervasive and insidious notion flowing through the collective consciousness that cats are not masculine in nature. Here, Goldberg tells us otherwise. Cats are macho, dag nab it. Crazy macho. Before having their picture taken on Goldberg’s shoulder, this cat ate a raw egg, and lifted little kitty-sized weights to get buff, and it was utterly frickin’ precious, but also very macho. The cat proceeded to grab another cat in a headlock, and kick that other cat in the face with their hind legs, to demonstrate how tough they are. Do you know why we can’t find a picture of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin with a cat? Because he is afraid of cats. That is why.
11 Veda Scott
Here's Veda Scott with a cat. We don't know a whole heck of a lot about Veda Scott, except that she works for Ring of Honor and went to Law School. Does anyone know why cats aren't allowed in Law School? Flagrant speciesism. It's everywhere in our society. One day I said to my roommate, who is a cat, "Kitty, I can't afford to pay rent for both of us. You have to get a job." So he went to Trader Joe's to ask for an application to be a bag boy cat, and they said "There are no animals allowed in this place. It is a supermarket." Luckily I landed this job writing for TheSportster, otherwise me and kitty would be homeless now, but if it wasn't for prejudice against cats, you would be reading a different article.
10 Matt Hardy
We can’t say that the inexplicably current TNA Champion Matt Hardy does much to discredit the criticism that TNA limps by on the fading star power of also-ran ex-WWE attractions. But we can say that, one time, he had his picture taken with a cat. And that’s pretty swell! Frankly, if we had the choice between winning the TNA World Title and having our picture taken with a cat, we’d say, “Let’s do the picture with the cat. That sounds much more fun, and probably financially rewarding than wearing TNA’s most coveted title.” TNA is bad and will go out of business soon, but at least this is Matt Hardy with a cat.
This is a picture of Christian with a cat. Note that a Google Image search of “Edge WWE Cat” yields no evidence that a similar picture has ever been taken with Christian’s longtime best friend and tag team partner, Edge. Why is there a picture of Christian with a cat, but not Edge with a cat? Is it because Christian, bitter that history will remember him as Marty Jannetty to Edge’s Shawn Michaels despite his multiple world title victories and arguably superior in-ring chops, stole Edge’s cat? We’re not saying that happened, but we can’t help but speculate!
8 Summer Rae
This cat in a picture with Summer Rae bears a striking resemblance to Louis the cat, as previously pictured with Natalya and Tyson Kidd. Is it the same cat? Hard to say. If it is, presumably Summer Rae was on her toes as this shot was taken, for minutes earlier, the cat had stomped on Tyson Kidd’s neck, guaranteeing he’d spend at least another eight months on the WWE injured list. In fairness to this cat, Summer Rae had also kicked Kidd as hard as she could in the kneecaps, repeatedly, while Natalia shattered his finger bones with a ball-point hammer. Everyone loves injuring Tyson Kidd. Seriously. No one can get enough of it. It’s a downright bizarre phenomenon.
7 Bret Hart
Severely troubling news of Bret Hart’s battle with cancer became public within the last few weeks, and we’re certainly hoping that “The Hitman” pulls through. Not only would it obviously be extremely sad if he died, he has yet to complete his work in this world. Plenty of his former coworkers still require a righteous bashing in a Hitman shoot interview. In addition, he probably still has many cats to play with. As we can determine by Hart’s yet-to-grey hair, this is an older picture of Bret Hart with a cat, which nonetheless demonstrates that The Hitman is not only the excellence of execution in the ring, he is also the excellence of executing playtime with kitties.
6 Jeff Hardy
The Charismatic Enigma who shall return for one last pre-retirement run in WWE any day now might be best-known for flights of daring-do, but here, he is having his picture taken with a cat. His brother Matt was featured earlier in this list with a similar-looking cat. Was that the same cat, or perhaps appropriately enough, the brother of this cat? Does it matter? Possibly. In this kooky-crazy world, who are we to say what information is germane, and which is irrelevant? Lord knows we lost the ability to make any distinction eons ago. Jeff Hardy likes cats.
5 Alicia Fox
This is Alicia Fox with Grumpy Cat, and with due respect to Alicia Fox, this would be a much better picture if it was of Alicia Fox and Lil Bub. We can appreciate that no animosity exists between Bub and Grumpy Cat themselves. In fact, they've been courteous and mutually respectful, if not entirely unfriendly, when they've met. We don't even have an issue with Grumpy Cat herself, only with Grumpy Cat fans who prefer Grumpy Cat over Lil Bub. To offer the Monday Night Wars as an apt metaphor, Grumpy Cat fans are the dudes who showed up to high school in nWo T-shirts, and laughed at us for our DX or Austin 3:16 paraphernalia. They think we're stupid now, but let's see if they don't change their minds sometime within the next few years.
4 Ric Flair
If you’re a living human creature on the Earth, Ric Flair has attempted to have sex with you. Considering his 15 percent success rate when it comes to sex, probably, he didn’t succeed. Nonetheless, 15 percent of every human creature on the planet is quite a lot of human creatures to have sex with! Did Ric Flair try to have sex with this cat? We sure hope not! Furthermore, he probably didn’t, because as Ric Flair has been a public figure for many years, odds are we all would’ve found out by now if was attracted to small animals. Good thing for this cat that all Ric Flair wants to do them (as far as we know) is snuggle.
3 The Rock
On the surface, this looks like an imaginary, preconceived scenario set up for a Got Milk advertisement. But we happen to know that it is, in fact, a candid shot of The Rock rescuing a cat out of a tree, like he does all the time. We can’t say for sure if The Rock is really a “cat person,” but we do know that if he detects a kitty in danger, The Rock will swoop in for the rescue. Furthermore, it has been kept relatively quiet that The Rock has beaten five people to death when he overheard them talking about how much they enjoy kicking puppies. Let this be a lesson to anyone considering harming an animal - if The Rock catches you, he may very well crack your head open like a macadamia nut.
Full disclosure: There was briefly talk of doing an entire list featuring nothing but pictures of Paige with cats. Maybe we’ll still do that if this list gets a lot of page views. Regardless of all that, here’s one of the several pictures of Paige with a cat or cat(s). You’ll note the cat is not looking at the mirror which Paige has utilized for the purposes of a selfie. Instead, the cat looks at an unseen object off in the distance. What does Paige’s cat see? Is it a glimpse of events that have yet to be? A manifestation of the arcane wisdom known only to Paige’s cat? Is it a bird out the window? Of those three possibilities, it is most likely a bird.
1 Paige With Two Cats
This is Paige with two cats, making this entry different from the previous entry that contained Paige with a single cat. Unlike that single cat, these two cats are staring directly into whatever device is snapping the picture, even though they don’t know what pictures or devices are. Not just these two cats, but cats in general like looking at things, even though they don't know what most things are. They seem to understand what food is, what possible food is, and what humans are. Ooooh, and dogs. Some cats know what dogs are. Tragically, cats do not know what rainbows are. On the bright side, they also don't know what the internet or student loan debt is.