Have you ever taken a real look at a woman? Not just a glance or a scope or the focusing on one particular feature. I mean; have you ever taken a real, honest look at a woman – perverse eyes put away? They are works of beauty. The ones for whom we pine and pity our own testosterone-laced egos.
Now, have you ever looked at a man that way? Male readers: take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. The male is a vile creature; a hapless hairy mess not far off from our caveman ancestors. Man is society’s mutant. Don’t kid yourself otherwise … narcissist.
In the following article we will take a look at a crop of lackluster lookers; a group of wrestlers who were made a little more repugnant than the rest. The overwhelmingly underwhelming men who would not be considered the “face” of any promotion.
Yes, professional wrestling has long had its share of “pretty boys” and jacked-up dudes demanding attention from the crowd and camera. However, professional wrestling at its core is no place to be pretty; it’s a place where the fancy are purged.
Discussing looks can be harsh and harmful but this is all for kicks. These are professional grown men who chose a career in public view. Adult males should be able to look at themselves in negative light; for no man is a masterpiece.
The obsession with looks has become too common place in modern culture. Sincere emotional attachment is slowly becoming extinct in this fast-paced, on-to-the-next-one, digitally-charged world in which we live.
Therefore, without further adieu, let’s embark on our exploration of the physical being as shallow and scornful observers. It is time to poke fun at some men who are already mocked for their career choice as we deconstruct their general appearance.
These are the top 20 ugliest wrestlers of all time:
20. The Bushwhackers
The Bushwhackers were recently inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame, placing the New Zealand tag team back into the wrestling limelight for a brief moment and providing a spark of relevance to the tag team which they have not had in twenty years.
The Bushwhackers were fun during their tenure in WWE. They were strictly a gimmick tag team that were never going to amount to one of the greatest teams ever assembled but they were still fun to watch. The walk and the lick were certainly interesting.
However, these guys looked like they belonged hidden in the bush somewhere deep and far away from society.
19. The Sandman
The Sandman reminds me of Drunk Uncle from Saturday Night Live – turned up to eleven and even more hammered. The Sandman is best known for his work in ECW where he managed to build a name on booze and battery.
While his gimmick often included a beautiful woman by his side, The Sandman really looked like a hardcore hack (side note: The Sandman was known as “Hak” during his stint in WCW). The Sandman has a perpetual mean mug.
However, the carpenter turned professional “wrestler” was always fun to watch even with that “only a mother can love” face.
18. 2 Cold Scorpio
2 Cold Scorpio was an innovative wrestler whose move-set was exciting, entertaining, and exhilarating. Scorpio found much of his professional wrestling success in World Championship Wrestling and Extreme Championship Wrestling.
When he made his way to the WWE, Scorpio was repackaged as Flash Funk – just another dancing gimmick. While 2 Cold was cool in the ring, he was also a bit of a goofball; looking as though he was constantly surprised.
Oh, and don’t forget about those ears. 2 Cold Scorpio and his two big old Dumbo-like ears.
17. The Nasty Boys
Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags, collectively known as The Nasty Boys are a professional wrestling tag team who have become known as “stiff” workers in the ring; a trait that is frowned upon by many in the business.
There is nothing particularly special about The Nasty Boys. Where they good performers? There’s been a hell of a lot better. Will they be remembered as one of the great tag teams in WWE history? Surely some folks out there will believe so, but not many.
The Nasty Boys were just as the name states: nasty. They looked and acted like dirt-bags – like a couple of guys who have skipped more than a couple of showers.
16. King Kong Bundy
King Kong Bundy headlined WrestleMania II in a Steel Cage match for the WWE Championship against Hulk Hogan. Obviously, Hogan was victorious that night, as there was no way that WWE was going to give Bundy the belt.
King Kong Bundy was one of those super-heavyweight wrestlers who were meant to be intimidating factors in the ring – which Bundy certainly was in his black singlet; always appearing as though he was about to pop out of it at any given moment.
King Kong Bundy was a big, bald, bulgy, beast of a man who looked like an even more bloated version of Syd Barrett following the meltdown (Former member of Pink Floyd: look it up!).
15. Gene Snitsky
Keep in mind: it wasn’t his fault (Kudos if you got that). Gene Snitsky is currently dabbling in the pitchman game, selling pressure cookers on YouTube but you may recall his time in WWE as the guy who caused miscarriages or the guy with the foot fetish.
What is unique about Gene Snitsky is that WWE became the reason for his physical deterioration. Upon his arrival, Snitsky was a rough looking man but nothing too out of the ordinary. Then came the horrid ECW relaunch.
Gene Snitsky was brought over to the new brand with all the hair on his head and face shaved off as well as a new set of dark yellow colored teeth.
During the original ECW days, one of the most recognizable names on the roster was Sabu. The death-defying wrestler was willing to sacrifice his body and health all for the sake of entertaining the ECW faithful fanbase.
Sabu wears his battle wounds with a somewhat disturbing pride. Which makes sense considering the number of spectators that Sabu has left disturbed following one of his matches. There was never telling what would come next from Sabu.
Sabu is far from pretty. The man is scared and slaughtered but his body in a sense is a wrestling landscape.
Glenn Jacobs is a seasoned veteran who has put together a great career in WWE. Aside from a long list of professional accomplishments, Jacobs is an intellectual family man with a deep-seeded interest in politics and society – but c’mon, these are smarts; let’s discuss sex appeal; which Jacobs is lacking.
Jacobs plays the character of Kane on WWE programming – a monstrous man whose face was hidden beneath a mask for many years. When the mask came off initially, the face of Kane was perceived to have been burnt, which was all part of the gimmick.
With the black soot washed off and with a clear look at Jacobs, the mask was definitely necessary.
There is nothing like painting your face to resemble a skull, slapping some stars on your chest, and a crescent moon on your flabby belly – but that was Kamala – who was portrayed throughout his career as some sort of savage.
Kamala was a weird gimmick – some times just completely wacked. Kamala, while once a guest on Tuesday Night Titans (a former WWE talk-show), was made to appear as though he had consumed a live chicken while on set.
For a young kid tuning into WWE, Kamala was a scary sight. For an adult fan, Kamala remained a sight for sore eyes.
11. New Jack
During the 1990s, Paul Heyman was never afraid to push the envelop. The characters he developed and presented in ECW were a far stretch from the look, attitude, and in-ring style of tradition wrestling performers.
One of these off-the-wall characters was a man named New Jack, a gangster brought into a wrestling promotion and a real life personality. New Jack was a high-strung and hard individual who took to extreme wrestling like a duck on water.
The face of New Jack is yet another example of the hardcore horrors that come along with that particular style of wrestling.
10. Necro Butcher
Necro Butcher has never competed in WWE and he never will. Necro Butcher is a hardcore wrestler … period. You may recall his role in the movie The Wrestler where he is stapling Mickey Rourke in the ring. The match taking place in this scene is an accurate portrayal of a Necro Butcher match.
The man competes in brawls and death matches and some some of the most dangerous forms of in-ring competition imaginable. Necro Butcher is a wrestling nutcase. It’s too bad that he missed out on any chance to compete in the old hardcore scene in WWE.
Presumably, a man who takes staples into his body at will is probably not the best looking dude in the world. Well, I’m sure you can figure out that Necro Butcher is not exactly a Calvin Klein model.
9. “Wild Bull” Curry
All right, it’s time to go old school; very old school. “Wild Bull” Curry began his career as a circus act, taking on challengers from the audience as part of the role. This was just the beginning for Curry, whose career would span the course of five decades.
“Wild Bull” Curry was ahead of his time before being ahead of your time really meant anything. Curry is recognized as the originator of hardcore wrestling. The man who set into the motion the sadistic wave of violent wrestling which many fans have grown to love.
“Wild Bull” Curry was not just a wild performer but his look was just as wicked with bushy eyebrows, insane facial expressions, and psychotic eyes that struck fear in the hearts of those in attendance.
8. Balls Mahoney
The presence of ECW is strong on our list. Perhaps that says something about the iconic product, as that they did not care about their appearance – in a good way – standing out from the crowd as the alternative to the norm.
Balls Mahoney was another beat-up looking dude who found success violently wielding a chair in the land of extreme. Mahoney never was the biggest star but he made due with what was provided. The fans wanted a mad man with a chair and Mahoney delivered.
The forehead of Balls Mahoney, much like many of his ECW brethren, is amassed with scars. Meanwhile, a number of teeth have seemed to escape from his gums.
7. The Moondogs
The Moondogs were a brutal stable made up of white-trash looking, bone-chewing, man-beasts who were known for their wild in-ring style, which would usually lead to the outpouring of blood all over the ring.
The Moondogs greatest success came in 1981 when they managed to capture the WWE Tag Team Championship. This would prove to be the one and only championship attained by the group while members of the WWE roster.
What made The Moondogs cool despite their revolting appearance was the fact that they seemed like a group of guys who would sip on moonshine and chew on possum. The simple life.
6. Bastion Booger
Do you recall when CM Punk demanded that Vince McMahon bring back the WWE ice cream bars? Well, I don’t know about you but the first image that entered my mind was of Bastion Booger chowing down on one; perhaps the only memorable thing about Booger.
This gimmick, much like many at the time in WWE, was doomed to failed. Bastion Booger was a compulsive eater as they made evident as often as they could. Booger would join Vince McMahon on commentary basically to feast at the announce table.
Bastion Booger was an overweight man with missing front teeth who wore some sort of a diaper and straps as ring gear. Such a greasy sight.
The Oddities were one of those Attitude Era creations that saw a bunch of perceived “freaks” come together and form a strange and solidified stable of mistreated misfits. The Oddities even included Sable at one point. Perhaps WWE was searching for some form of irony within the gimmick?
One of these misfits was a man by the name of Kurrgan – a large brute of an Oddity. Kurrgan (real name: Robert Mallet) has managed to secure himself a small but reputable movie career, finding life away from the sideshow.
Obviously Mallet is not being cast in roles akin to The Rock as he does not possess certain features required for such starring roles.
4. Giant Silva
It is probably not surprising to find another member of The Oddities appearing on this list. Giant Silva was another man brought into WWE from the Island of Misfit Toys and thrust into the bizarre happenings of The Oddities stable.
Giant Silva was used primarily as a cornerman for the group as it was rare to see him actually compete in a match. When he was used as an in-ring competitor, it was during tag team contests where his action was limited.
Giant Silva stands over seven-feet tall and looks really, really weird. Such is the life of an Oddity.
3. George “The Animal” Steele
George “The Animal” Steele is by far one of the craziest characters in professional wrestling history. Steele was such a great heel – feared and frightening to watch as he would actually tear apart the turnbuckle with his teeth.
George “The Animal” Steele never won any major championships over the course of his wrestling career but that doesn’t take away from his contributions to the business. Steele is the original animal of professional wrestling. Batista: not so much.
What stood out most about George “The Animal” Steele was his Neanderthal-like appearance; stooped over with a hairless head but a body full of thick shag and a green tongue for good measure.
2. The Great Khali
Some times, you have to feel bad for certain performers. The Great Khali is an example of this. Khali has never put on a good match, not even something that can be considered solid. However, he was still given a run as World Heavyweight Champion (Good ol’ WWE booking).
The Great Khali looks like walking alone is a painful burden and his in backstage segments are hard to watch. They know this guy can’t speak proper English, why make him look like a fool by trying to have him converse with other superstars?
Aside from all this, Khali is clearly not one of those “pretty boy” WWE superstars. The Great Khali is said to be very spiritual and has since left WWE so hopefully he can cleanse any bad vibes that remain from his time with the company.
1. Abdullah the Butcher
Abdullah the Butcher is perhaps the most violent hardcore wrestler of them all. Blood and gore are just everyday occurrences for the Butcher. Just like an office employee leaving a post-it note on his/her yogurt in the break room refrigerator, it’s common place.
Abdullah the Butcher is another case of “no hardcore, no career” as his actual wrestling abilities are few and far between. Therefore, the Butcher came to relying heavily on the carnage that is his psychically-cringing gimmick.
The scars on his head from years of excessive razor blade use are absolutely horrific. Abdullah the Butcher is the definition of battered. Complete wrestling wreckage.
Postscript: embrace the freak show; nobody has fun at the ball.
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