What A Jabroni: The 15 Best Insults In Wrestling History

We all like being spoken to nicely and complimented, as it helps to keep us in a good mood, and improves our self-esteem, however not all conversations are like that, seeing as people tend to insult one another almost as much as they compliment each other. There are certain places where insulting someone else is frowned upon and even against the rules, like at school or at the work, but there are actually some occupations where insulting people is a part of the job. These occupations include, being a comedian, an actor, and as we have seen during this presidential election, sometimes even a politician; but you also need to be able to deliver insults if you wish to be a professional wrestler.

For a person to get ahead in the wrestling industry, you need to have a good look/persona, and you need to actually be able to wrestle, while also being fairly good on the mic; and a pert of good mic work involves being able to deliver insults towards the individual you are feuding with. Virtually every single feud in wrestling history involves both the face and heel trading insults with one another prior to their match, and sometimes, the insults that are hurled out, turn out to be complete duds that hardly get any reaction from the crowd. Most of the time though, the insults made in wrestling range between okay and great, depending on either how vicious or funny they are; and the purpose of this list is to show the best 15 insults in wrestling history.

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15 “Your Arms Are Just Too Short To Box With God”

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It was a fairly dark day for wrestling fans when CM Punk decided to leave the WWE because of his conflicting views with the company’s creative side; which is a real shame considering that Punk was both good in the ring and on the mic regardless if he were face or heel. During his last title reign, Punk was involved in a feud with The Rock, a feud which culminated in Punk losing the WWE championship to the People’s Champ at the 2013 Royal Rumble. In the lead-up to this match though, Punk offered up a very good insult to The Rock by saying to his face, “Your arms are just too short to box with God”. This insult worked well for two reasons, the first being that he basically referred to himself as an almighty being, which perfectly fit his character at the time, and the second being that it was a perfect jab considering that Punk in real life believed that The Rock did not deserve to be in a title match just because he temporarily came back to the company between shooting movies.

14 “I Can Literally Hear You Getting Fatter”

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Narcissism involves being gratified by your egotistical admiration for your own, primarily appearance based, attributes; and wrestling has been filled with numerous narcissistic gimmicks over the years. As we all know by now, Cody Rhodes has left the WWE, which is unfortunate since he was talented, but in his time with the company, he served as a heel several times, including during his narcissistic “Dashing" Cody Rhodes gimmick. This gimmick saw Cody perform vignettes where he offered grooming tips, and it also had him be extremely protective of his face, to the extent that he would have to check a mirror during a match every time he was hit in the face. During this phase, Cody offered a very good insult, especially as it appeared for the most part to be unscripted, and that insult was directed towards a female audience member during one of his in-ring segments, a segment in which he later turned his attention to the crowd and said to the woman, “I can literally hear you getting fatter.”

13 “I’d Wish For Cancer So I Could Die Too”

via WWE.com

Death is something that affects all of us, and in every situation, the death of a loved one is truly a sad and heartbreaking ordeal, which is why the wrestling industry has been met with criticism at times for incorporating the real-life deaths of either a wrestler’s family member or a former wrestler/personality into their storylines. The most recent examples of this came with the late Paul Bearer who was used in a feud between CM Punk and The Undertaker, and when Charlotte’s late brother was brought up during her feud with Paige. Both those instances were done in the PG Era though, so although they may have seemed uncalled for, at least they were handled with a bit more sensitivity than what happened during the feud between Big Show and Big Boss Man. It was during this feud that Big Show’s father passed away, and Big Boss Man (who was the heel in this scenario) tried to offer ‘sympathy’ to Big Show by reading a card which said, “If I could have a son as stupid as you, I’d wish for cancer so I could die too”. This insult may be utterly detestable, but it is because it is so awful that it is so good.

12 “Even a 747 Looks Small When it Flies Through the Grand Canyon”

With this entry we have Triple H insulting his wife Stephanie McMahon, and based on the subject matter involved in this insult, you can tell that the two are both very dedicated to the company and each other, seeing as no relationship would survive such an insult on live television. The insult in question occurred during an in-ring segment involving Stephanie with her new ally Chris Jericho, who was set to face Triple H at WrestleMania X8, and the segment started with Steph and Y2J mocking Triple H about his inability to beat Jericho. Things segwayed to the bedroom however where Steph said that Triple H came up a bit short during intimate moments. This prompted a response from Triple H who came down to the ring and said to his wife’s face, “Even a 747 looks small when it flies through the Grand Canyon”, which as you might have guessed was an insult directed towards Stephanie’s "promiscuity".

11 “You Sound Like A Human Vacuum Cleaner”

Billy Gunn may have been a member of D-Generation X, but he was not all that popular as a solo wrestler, a statement which is validated by the fact that his singles push completely failed even after winning the 1999 King of the Ring tournament. Gunn was never able to defend his royal title in 2000 due to injury, and in 2001, he was not even placed into the tournament, which did not sit well with him at all as evidenced by his interruption of Edge’s coronation ceremony during a 2001 episode of Raw. Gunn came out and proceeded to deliver a lackluster promo, and was subsequently essentially buried when Edge said to him, “You sound like a human vacuum cleaner, managing to both suck and blow at the same time”, an insult which adequately described Gunn at the time.

10 “I Wish You Died In The Womb”

via WWE.com

For anyone who has at least one brother or sister, you can agree with the fact that although siblings do get into disagreements and altercations from time to time, that they very rarely grow to loathe one another and genuinely wish that they never existed. This is exactly what happened with the Bella Twins in 2014 though, after Nikki turned on her sister Brie at the 2014 edition of SummerSlam. Now to be completely honest, this feud, if you can even call it that, was utterly terrible, and sported intolerable acting from both sisters, as well as a horrible resolution which saw them both reconcile literally out of the blue. This feud may have been an all-around disappointment, but at least it gave us Nikki telling her sister, “I wish you died in the womb”, an insult that would hurt any sibling.

9 “You Should Go Suck On A Monkey’s Nipple”

This list would not be complete if there was not at least one insult from The Rock on it, which is where this entry comes in; and The Rock has produced many memorable insults over the years, and several of them have come at the expense of Michael Cole. For those who only know Cole as the main voice of WWE’s announce team, he actually started out as a backstage commentator, who on several occasions, had interview segments that resulted in him being humiliated in some way by The Rock. One of these interviews took place on an episode of Raw before The Rock was supposed to face both Big Show and Triple H, and in that interview Cole asked how The Rock felt, and he responded with, “The Rock FEELS like you should go suck on a monkey’s nipple!” This may be an odd insult, but it is still very good and funny.

8 “If I Had a Head Like Yours, I'd Have to Get it Circumcised”

via WWE.com

You can describe both Mick Foley and Terry Funk as legends who are true pioneers of the style of hardcore wrestling, and in their respective careers, they have indeed had some memorable battles with each other. Leading up to the 2006 One Night Stand pay-per-view, Foley had turned on Tommy Dreamer to join forces with Edge, and on an episode of Raw, Foley tried to explain why he did so, and it was during this explanation that Terry Funk interrupted and met him in the ring. Anyone who remembers this segment can attest to the fact that there was still an intensity between the two, and although the segment started out pretty tame with the two having a rather candid conversation, it soon devolved into a nasty affair which mainly consisted of Foley hurling nasty words at Funk. When Funk was finally able to reply, he did so with the insult, “If I had a head like yours, I’d have to get it circumcised” which was both clever and disturbing to imagine.

7 “The Only Reason You Were WWE Champion For A Year Is Because...”

Paul Heyman is now known as Brock Lesnar’s advocate/manager, and CM Punk’s before that, but he has also managed several other wrestlers including Big Show, Kurt Angle, and even Stone Cold Steve Austin; but he is also known throughout the wrestling world for being the man who brought us ECW. As most of us are aware, ECW went into bankruptcy in 2001, but in 2006 it was brought back to life temporarily as a new brand within WWE with Heyman in charge, and it was during a promotion for that year’s One Night Stand pay-per-view that Heyman insulted JBL. There was a time when JBL was WWE Champion for a year over on SmackDown, and after his reign was over, he made negative comments about ECW amidst the rumblings of ECW’s return, As the brand’s former owner, Heyman did not take the comments kindly, and was given a chance to respond with a live mic where he said, “The only reason you were WWE Champion for a year is because Triple H didn’t want to work Tuesdays!” Seeing as Triple H only wrestled on Raw at this time, it was an insult that was laced with reality, and likely actually struck a nerve with JBL.

6 “I’ll Never Forgive Your Mother For Giving Birth To You”

via WWE.com

Unless a child does something truly unforgivable, a parent will always love their child no matter what, which is why it has always been hard to believe that Vince McMahon could truly be in the feuds he has been in with his children. It is true that Vince has feuded with both his children in the past, but in most cases he is feuding with his son Shane, and it was during one of these feuds with Shane that Vince said one of the worst things a father can say to a child. In their most recent feud a few months ago, Vince insulted Shane by saying he had no son, but that was a lot more tame compared to an earlier feud where he said to his son’s face, “I will never forgive your mother for giving birth to you”. He may have not meant it, but it is still the most terrible insult a parent can direct towards their child.

5 “Talent Is Not Sexually Transmitted"

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For about a decade, women’s wrestling in WWE was for the most part unwatchable in terms of actual wrestling, due to the fact that the Divas Division as it was known as at the time, consisted primarily of attractive former models who had no real background in wrestling. Things have vastly changed for the better now, but one of the only good things to come out of the Divas Division was AJ Lee, who was both attractive and ACTUALLY interested in being a professional wrestler. The fans loved AJ whether she was a heel or face because of her somewhat unhinged persona, and on a 2014 episode of Raw she insulted both Bella Twins by telling them that, “Talent is not sexually transmitted”. This insult may have been scripted, but for AJ who had just lost the title to Nikki, there was some truth behind those words as the big reason behind the Bellas’ push at the time was because of the reality show Total Divas which they both appeared in, and which showcased their relationships with John Cena and Daniel Bryan, both of whom were top guys in the company at the time.

4 “Unless Booker T Got Real Short And Real Fat Real Fast, You Ain’t No Booker T”

Tazz may have been a ringside commentator for several years in WWE, but before being put into that role following his retirement due to multiple injuries, he was an in-ring competitor who won several titles including winning ECW’s World Heavyweight Championship twice. During an episode of SmackDown in 2001, Stone Cold Steve Austin was in the ring talking down to Booker T in an attempt to draw him out from the back, and Tazz who was now on commentary, seemed to not like what Stone Cold was saying because he chose to enter the ring to face Austin instead. When Stone Cold realized Tazz had entered the ring, he responded with the line, “Unless Booker T got real short and real fat real fast, you ain’t no Booker T”. That was not the end of the segment though, as Austin, who was a heel at this point, proceeded to best Tazz with a steel chair.

3 “I'm Gonna Take Care Of That Smelly, Greasy, Nasty Animal”

Earlier on this list, it was mentioned that Stephanie McMahon and Chris Jericho were brief allies, but there was a time (unsurprisingly) that they were at odds with one another, and at this point in time, Jericho truly excelled in delivering insulting remarks. In 2001, Jericho was slated to face Rhyno, who was a part of Stephanie’s ECW alliance for SummerSlam, and it was during a lead-up in-ring segment for that match that Jericho offered possibly his best insult ever to Stephanie. During this segment, Jericho proclaimed that he would leave the pay-per-view victorious, and it was during this proclamation that he said to both Rhyno and Stephanie “I’m gonna take care of that smelly, greasy, nasty animal... And then I’m gonna get you too, Rhyno!”

2 “If You Put The Letter "S" In Front Of Hitman"

via Dailymotion.com

The Attitude Era truly had some of the best insults in all of wrestling history, and the reason for that is obviously because the wrestling industry at the time was not nearly as PG as it is today, which is why wrestlers like Stone Cold Steve Austin were and still are so popular today with fans who have been around since the pre-PG era. At one point in the Attitude Era, Stone Cold had a feud with Bret Hart which gave fans the best insult to come out of the 90s, and it involved him coming awfully close to crossing the boundary of what was allowed to be said on network television. During an interview with Brian Pillman to set up a match with the Hitman at Survivor Series, Austin said, “If you put the letter S in front of ‘Hitman’, you get my exact opinion of Bret Hart!”.There is no way that the WWE today would ever allow an insult like this to make it onto the air, which is quite upsetting seeing as kids today hear a lot worse at home and school.

1 "You Are A Parody Of Wrestling”

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There is no doubt that the Attitude Era had superb insults, which is why many of you may be surprised that the number one insult in wrestling history comes from WWE’s current era, during the lead-up to the 2013 SummerSlam match between John Cena and Daniel Bryan. We now know just how close Cena and Bryan really are in real life due to the fact they are both in relationships with the Bella sisters; but that did not stop Bryan from slamming Cena with an insult that so many wrestling fans wanted to hear. During a Miz TV segment, the two faced each other in the ring, and Bryan wore a shirt mocking Cena’s common phrase “The Champ Is Here”, and the reasoning behind Bryan wearing the shirt was fantastic. He said, “This shirt is a parody of you, because you are a parody of wrestling”, which is a statement that many fans had believed about Cena for years; and it is because of how well received this insult was, and how much more love it garnered Bryan, that it makes the top of this list.

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