Monsters collided, number one contenders were named, and Kevin Owens bluntly told his boss that he wishes he died in a helicopter accident. Basically, if you didn't watch WWE programming this week, a) good for you, you have a life, and b) you sort of missed out on a lot of drama. But this is precisely why you're here, to be filled in, isn't it?
Here are six things WWE got right this week, starting with four things they got wrong.
4. WRONG - The Usos Want A Street Fight?
Next week, The Usos are set to defend their SmackDown Tag Championships against The New Day. Lucky for them, they get to choose the stipulation. Out of all possibilities, The Usos decided their best option is to wrestle a Street Fight? Yes, a Street fight, in which they are two people, in a match theoretically against three people with no disqualification.
3. WRONG - Predictable Tag Team Matches
The problem with the tag team title scene is that we sometimes have to sit through matches that become all too predictable. Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose will defend their titles against Cesaro and Sheamus at No Mercy, so we're stuck in a holding pattern until then, watching them wrestle meaningless matches against lesser tag teams we know have no chance at winning.
2. WRONG - Moving Enzo Amore In Too Fast
The Cruiserweight division is starting to look like a real big mess, an even bigger mess than before. Props to WWE for finally throwing Enzo Amore into the division. It brings more eyes to 205 Live for sure, but they're jumping the gun way too fast. As of a few weeks ago, the same guy who couldn't win a match for the life of him has defeated every single Cruiserweight he has stepped into the ring with, making the whole division look weak in the process. Now that's he's Number One Contender, isn't it all too fast?
1. WRONG - Bray Wyatt Still Talks
Did you pay attention to what Bray Wyatt had to say to Finn Balor this week? Neither did we. And that's not because we're bad journalists, but it's because it's the same dribble we've sadly come to expect week in and week out. Nobody cares.
6. RIGHT - Cena vs. Jason Jordan
WWE remembered its own history this week, reminding us of John Cena's impressive debut when he squared off against Kurt Angle. Now, 15 years later, Kurt's "son" Jason Jordan planned to make his own impression by bringing things full circle, facing off against John Cena in the opening match of Raw. Just like Cena 15 years ago, Jordan didn't win, but he still managed to look impressive in defeat. Jordan's still got a lot of work ahead of him (more on the creative side of things), but we see a future for the lad.
5. RIGHT - Carmella
Carmella is exceeding everybody's expectations. She went from being our least favorite wrestler to one of the brightest spots on Tuesday nights. She may have once needed James Ellsworth to get over, but things are changing. After publicly humiliating and dumping him this week, she decided to take him back with a kiss. And a slap in the face.
Confusing? Sure. But we like it.
Side note though. Where's Becky Lynch and Charlotte?
4. RIGHT - Miz Successfully Defends Title
It's nice to see The Miz defend his title without cheating for once. Unless you count Maryse sorta helping him out as a cheat. But it was mostly clean, and that's exactly what The Miz needs. WWE needs to start booking him to look stronger like this week in and week out.
3. RIGHT - Nakamura Defeats Orton
Nobody in the universe wanted to see Randy Orton face Jinder Mahal again for the WWE Championship, and luckily for us, he isn't. Orton was defeated by Shinsuke Nakamura in the SmackDown Live main event, and now that Nakamura is officially getting his rematch for the WWE Championship, hopefully, this leads to a win. It needs to, right? Otherwise, if Mahal just wins (or cheats) again, what's the point?
2. RIGHT - Strowman Vs. Show III
The third match in the Strowman vs. Show saga came to its conclusion. Even the ring was built stronger so it wouldn't collapse under their weight of a superplex again (which yes, we did get another superplex) and also, this time they wrestled in a steel cage!
This match was much better than it had to be, and it's such a pleasant surprise to see The Big Show hang in there with Strowman. Big Show's putting on some of his best matches of his career towards what might possibly be the end it. Was anybody expecting to see him do that elbow drop off the top rope? Damn, Big Show.
1. RIGHT - Shane McMahon Snaps
Kevin Owens took things too far, but in the best way possible. Sick of Shane McMahon's shady antics, he told Shane-O Mac that his children would be better off had he died in that real life helicopter crash he survived a couple months ago. Damn dude, that's dark. McMahon at least thought so, because he punched Owens in the face like twenty-seven times for it. Now, Owens is apparently suing WWE which is prompting Vince McMahon to make a rare appearance next week to try and sort the whole thing out.
We love it. All of it.
Until next week.