Wrestlers should be good actors, right? We see them go out 4-5 times a month and stand in front of thousands of people and put life into characters for our entertainment. That's essentially the same thing, right? Oh no. Not after what I've seen this week.
Wrestling can be as far from acting on-screen as sky-diving is from NASCAR. You may be traveling at high speeds in death-defying ways but the skills are almost entirely nontransferable. Wrestling acting is that to movie acting. We should be thanking our lucky stars that we've somehow gotten Batista and The Rock skewing the perception of wrestlers in movies because the corpses of dozens of attempted movie careers litter wrestling locker rooms. For every excellent Roddy Piper in They Live or decent Stone Cold in The Condemned, there are literally hundreds of brutal, mind-numbing, eye-bleeding films that should be scoured from existence. I've subjected myself to this task because I didn't know any better, and I write this in hopes of saving anyone morbidly curious enough to consider checking these abominations out. Don't do it. Consider every entry on this list as a bullet dodged.
Last note, an honorable mention to Goldberg who was in the terrible Christmas horror flick Santa's Slay, but he doesn't regret it, because he met his future wife there. She was in a scene where she smothered Santaberg's face with her crotch. True story.
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24 The Miz - Christmas Bounty
The Miz's first Christmas movie outing, coming after the surprisingly passable Marine 3, is a major step backward. Miz plays 'Mikey Muscles', a one-dimensional ex-boyfriend to the main protagonist Tori. She's got to save her current banker fiance from one of her enemies she put away in her old life as a bounty hunter. The acting is terrible from everyone except Tori, even Miz putting in a smugtacular performance that makes you dislike almost every minute he's onscreen. The music is 'softcore' levels (a surprisingly common aspect of these bad movies) and the action scenes are weak sauce. The comic relief, Tori's bounty hunting family, isn't funny and even the fiance character who is mostly bearable has moments of insanity that make you want to throw your remote through the screen.
Showing up to a shootout with flowers in hand and a bland 'whoa isn't this weird' look plastered on his face makes you wish for him to take a bullet. The only chuckle-worthy joke comes near the end when at a mobster wedding they hang up their guns on meathooks like a badass coat check. Even that gets ruined by the movie reusing the exact same footage 3 minutes later. Top it all off with the love triangle resolving nonsensically and Tori's bounty hunting family being Jersey caricatures that seem like insults to the state, and it's a thoroughly unpleasant movie. Miz surely wishes this was buried deep. One 'shot with a beer chaser' out of five.
23 Triple H - Blade: Trinity
When the star of the movie doesn't want to be there and the movie itself is a thinly veiled attempt to create spin-offs, there's not a lot a wrestler's poor acting can do to save it. That is precisely what Triple H is here, bringing little to the occasion beyond a willingness to swear like a 12-year old who just learned the f-word and wants to use it as often as possible. His only character trait is 'beef-head with an ironically small pet' and that is not something to build a Hollywood career off of. Not with Triple H's acting range anyway.
Blade Trinity suffers from plenty of tepid action by the series' standard and a plot that jumbles up a lot of the established rules of the Blade universe from previous films.
This leaves audiences completely disappointed compared to the first two movies. Besides Ryan Reynolds pulling a proto-Deadpool character that's funny amid the rest of the averageness, there's not much to enjoy at all. Triple H is also in lesser shape than today, so he looks bloated and non-threatening despite ostensibly being the 'muscle' of the vampire crew who raised Dracula for this adventure. This movie effectively killed the Blade character and ended Triple H's mainstream acting aspirations before they could take off. Considering his future WWE acting projects (oh, we'll get to that) everyone is probably better off. Two 'vampire Pomeranians' out of five.
22 Steve Austin - Maximum Conviction
This one isn't Stone Cold's fault that it sucks, with the majority of the blame falling on his co-star Steven Seagal. Seagal breathily mutters his way throughout the film without trying to 'act' at any point in it. The plot is bog-standard 'Die Hard in a --------', with a maximum security prison serving the location here and Stone Cold and Seagal being employees who get caught up in a coordinated assault. Stone Cold looks good here, but everything around him is B-grade at best.
Stone Cold had a limited window after retirement if he wanted to enjoy proper movie success and this is one of the movies that ultimately sunk his chances, combining clunky dialogue with average action scenes. Seagal masterfully defeats enemies without seeming to move his own body, the bad guys throwing themselves around him to make him look like he's doing things. Stone Cold gets some fun quips only when he finds himself attracted to the female on the bad guy's team, but that's about four lines total and that can't drag this film up by itself. The only reason to watch this is if you love Seagal's brand of not-moving "action". Two 'mumble-whispers' out of five
21 Goldberg - CheckPoint
Goldberg is 'TJ', the friend of homeless vet and main character 'Roy', who is sleeping on beaches and behind restaurants in a daze of regrets. That's as close to coherent as we can pretend this movie is. The movie looks like it's been shot by a bobblehead monkey and the acting is what happens when you get your friend's friend's cousins together and say 'Let's make a movie in three hours!'.
We're not sure how they got William Forsythe of Raising Arizona and The Rock fame, but he's here playing somewhat of a 'No Country For Old Men' grizzled veteran cop with a score to settle against 'Murica, and he's the best thing in the movie. That is the kindest thing you can say about this movie though, with the pacing going from tortoise to hare so suddenly it gives you whiplash and the sound and dubbing being poor even by these movies standards. When the movie slips into feeling like it's got a purpose, it's like it's trying to point out the plight of disenfranchised military veterans, or the military in general, but it's all muddled between a suburban terrorist plot that is somehow incomprehensible and lazy at the same time. The funniest thing is that when Goldberg finally begins kicking butt and gets beefy, crunchy sound effects to his moves while protagonist Roy gets hilariously weak sounding ones for himself right after. The ending is a step up too, but it'll never be worth the slog to get there unless you have to see Goldberg spear a domestic terrorist. One 'surprise Bram cameo' out of five.
20 John Morrison - Sinbad: War With The Furies
Not sure how good we could've expected this one to be since it's coming from the notorious B-movie studio, The Asylum, but if John was looking to make a serious Hollywood bid this was a step in the wrong direction. Morrison (we're just gonna call him that despite his long list of other last names) goes for the Han Solo 'cocky-but-lovable-scoundrel' and lands in mostly D-bag territory. He and his crew are trying to retrieve the 'Heart of Medusa' which he sold and now needs to get back so that the titular Furies, a trio of Greek mythological women, don't tear him apart. There's also a couple of other treasure hunters on their tail and a Lando Calrissian/Yoda type that aids them but most of the cast is forgettable and the acting is sideshow standard.
The redeeming factors the movie has include John Morrison's physical abilities, with his action scenes and stunts quite cool to see despite the close-up shots not letting us see as much as we'd like.
Another thing is the nods to the mythology, such as a henchman with an eyepatch, therefore a 'Cyclops', being worth a chuckle. Lastly, the movie suddenly finds it's groove an hour and five minutes in and gets really funny for a while which, if you can last until then, makes it almost worth it. It's not enough to save the movie though since Morrison's stunts are few and far between and his clunky quipping style misses the mark 75% of the time.
19 The Rock - The Tooth Fairy
The comedic talent surrounding The Rock in this movie is actually quite impressive considering how poorly Dwayne does with his central role. Billy Crystal, Julie Andrews, Brandon T. Jackson, Steven Merchant, and freaking Seth MacFarlane can all command a few laughs throughout but Rocky looks like he's thoroughly displeased to be there. This came right around the time people were thinking The Rock might not actually make it in Hollywood, his early successes petering out as he starred in cookie-cutter Disney affairs, each one giving diminishing returns. This was the nadir, where the entire premise was the classic Hollywood thought process of 'let's take a strong guy and make him do girly stuff'. It was already antiquated when this movie rolled through but by the time The Rock was doing this schtick, there was little to no juice left to be squeezed.
Not only that, the movie is largely unpleasant with The Rock being way too unlikable for the fluffy tone and way too mean-spirited for the audience to get back on his side by the time the credits roll. It's a recycled cliche factory and just like in wrestling when The Rock goes cutesy instead of electric it fails hard. One 'CGI tooth' out of five.
18 Steve Austin - Chain Of Command
Stone Cold 'stars' alongside B-movie staple Michael Jai White, although there's far less Steve Austin than advertised. This movie spends it's initial minutes wildly fluctuating between a pleasant family reunion BBQ and music stings which smack you over the head with foreshadowing. From there, there's precious little action to speak of in this 'action movie', with more people sitting down for conversations or making phone calls than kicking butt or taking names.
Austin looks like he's kinda trying, with a brief flicker of that Stone Cold badass persona here or there when he's threatening some goons, but besides that, it's a slog of slow criminal intrigue, cheap acting, and cheaper effects. The movie badly needs a re-edit too, as there are long pauses between lines that feel awkward. One shot repeats itself because apparently they only had one take to use in 'post', which explains a lot of the acting and editing actually.
Austin looks like he didn't even bother getting in top shape for this, wearing a full covering coat and only really standing up in two scenes the entire time. Steve hilariously finds a glass of whiskey every scene for the first third of the movie as well. It was probably in his contract that he's allowed to drink throughout the shoot and we can't blame him. Good call on his part considering his death scene is hilariously bad. Half a 'phony dying gurgle' out of five.
17 Rob Van Dam - Sniper Special Ops
If listening to military codewords is your jam, then this movie is your Avatar. This is another Steven Seagal movie where everyone around him is trying moderately hard while he's sauntering about hardly concerned to give any effort at all. Even Rob Van Dam, legendarily laid-back, looks more engaged and alert than Seagal. Seagal spends literally 90% of the movie either sitting down, leaning on things, or generally chilling out despite being in a war zone. He is clearly there collecting a paycheck and it's both hilarious and infuriating. Outside of him, the movie has plenty of other problems though.
There are repeated shots even in the first 15 minutes, the same guy running into the street to get shot over and over for unintentional comedy.
After the opening scene, the movie stops dead, caught up in its own bureaucratic nonsense storyline and lack of action.
The real movie lead who RVD is following around, Vic, is actually pretty engaging but his running battle with a tag-along reporter becomes tedious. RVD fades into the background unless he's giving an attempted quip, but he's not great at those. It ends up being Seagal's insanity and laziness dragging the movie away from whatever chance it had to be good, and RVD gets dragged down with it. One and a half 'Sierra Uniform X-Ray's out of five.
16 John Morrison - Hercules: Reborn
John Morrison's original outing with The Asylum studios is probably worse as a movie because unlike Sinbad this one is taking itself way too seriously. It's a full half hour before we get to see Morrison doing the thing he excels at, physicality. Before that, it's a laborious slog through the search for Hercules by his erstwhile companions, and Morrison himself trying his hand at acting drunk, and even that seems outside of his range. The acting can rise to just being 'bad' at certain high points but mostly it's hilariously faux Shakespearean the likes of which would fit on stage at a local school. It's stilted, weak, and mostly feels like a bad Saturday Night Live host's skit without any pity laughs.
The best thing here is still John Morrison though, despite the movie around him. His bad acting was hopefully a choice to ham it up despite everyone else taking things dead serious. In the middle of the second big battle, he throws a freaking Standing Shooting Star Press in a battle where everyone is using swords. He follows that by decapitating a guy and then he pulls George 'The Animal' Steele faces while using two blades like Brutus Beefcake did his giant scissors. That effort single-handedly drags this up to two 'Pantheons of Parkour' out of five.
15 Chris Jericho, Kane, MVP, Mark Henry, The Great Khali and The Big Show - MacGruber
Some people consider this a cult classic but in this case, that's more over-fondness for Will Forte than for this rough comedy actually having been funny. A less than a minute long Saturday Night Live sketch gets yanked out more than someone in Big E's Abdominal Stretch, and the audience receives the spanking that goes along with that. Outside of Val Kilmer's humorously named villain, Dieter Von Cunth, almost every joke falls flat. They're mostly of the same variety throughout the movie as well, and it wears exceptionally thin by the time the cast of WWE wrestlers are introduced. Jericho, in particular, has a rough scene with Forte, trading weak one-liners and looking like they were improvising on the spot and no better takes were available for the final edit. The rest of the wrestlers get the low-angle power introduction as a team of supposed badasses, only to be blown up at the beginning of the second act in another joke that is obvious and doesn't hit the mark. Well, except Mark Henry.
Not only is this movie rough, but it created one of the worst Raw Guest Host moments ever when R-Truth was supposedly blown up on Raw, except he messed up his cue and was seen scrambling out of shot, so it went over like a lead balloon. In all, everything involving this flick didn't work as intended and the wrestler's cast in it did little for no laughs achieved. One and a half 'mistimed pyros' out of five.
14 Jesse Ventura - Abraxas: Guardians Of The Universe
Most people remember Jesse Ventura for The Running Man or for not having enough time to bleed in Predator, and if that was all he'd done we'd all be happier. Somehow in the time between Jesse being in two of Arnold Schwarzenegger's biggest movies and becoming governor of Minnesota he starred in this mistake. This movie looks like it was made in the early 70's yet somehow came out in 1990, and considering we were about to get Terminator 2 and Jurassic Park level CGI right after it this it looks doubly terrible. But let's get to Jesse himself, and his hilarious performance amid the movie's general, unrelenting terribleness. He looks like he's aged 20 years between appearances and his robotic delivery of the sci-fi concepts is laughably disengaging. He sounds like he's narrating a documentary about Ambien.
The storyline is a ripoff inversion of The Terminator plot, with Ventura's Abraxas sent to earth to stop a child being born to save everything.
The effects look like they cost a couple hundred bucks at most and the movie plods along at a glacial pace when it's not delivering crappy action where two old guys play shoot pew-pew guns at each other or slowly scramble through a forest for minutes on end. The only saving grace for this flick is the Rifftrax addition that overlays hilarious comedy to make it at least funny to sit through. Half a 'conspiracy theory' out of five.
13 Ted DiBiase Jr - The Marine 2
This one is often called the black sheep of the franchise,. As it is, it's a weak 'Die Hard at a resort' piece that goes to blandness once the actual story kicks in, and the final product is a shame. If you're expecting a good action movie, this spends a good long while actually developing the main characters, with DiBiase a far more believable and even subtle actor than Cena was in the previous one. The problem comes when the movie devolves into its expected action sequences, abandoning the one thing that was working with Ted's re-acclimation to regular life. His subtle performance doesn't match the over-the-top terrorism plot and it becomes oddly boring despite the promising beginning. The movie actually has some genuine stars too, with Yondu from Guardians Of The Galaxy and Jango Fett from Star Wars filling out the grizzled veteran and antagonist roles well enough.
The Marine 2 is caught in a limbo between being a silly action movie and the thoughtful piece it began to show the audience. This means by the end you're not really enjoying yourself, just wondering what it could've been if it'd gone fully one way or the other. The ending also looks like they ran out of money and time with sudden bad dubbing and bad effects coming fast and hard before the story slams into the credits. Two 'cheap explosions' out of five.
12 Big Show - Knucklehead
WWE has a real problem when it comes to them trying to make comedies and that is that they are painfully unfunny, childish, or rely on toilet humor far too heavily. Top that off with them seeming to always try to shoehorn in a ham-fisted moral core that only detracts from the few laughs that were possible and that's the nail in the coffin. That's what happened here with Knucklehead.
WWE evidently saw Big Show trying his guts out to bring emotion to his WWE role where he could and decided that having him play a giant baby would be inherently hilarious, but it was not. Knucklehead sees him as Walter, the ticket for main character 'Eddie' to pay off his debts by taking Walter to fight for him in small-time bouts. It's very much a Kingpin ripoff without the laughs, and without those you're left just staring at the screen grimacing, hoping things can maybe get better. No dice.
Denis Farina, Saul Rubinek, and Will Paton all belong in better movies than this comedy failure. Farina reprises his Snatch archetype as a gangster here but the fun edge isn't along for the ride, only the smarmy swindler veneer.
We know Big Show can be damn funny and has been since his Waterboy role way back with Adam Sandler. He needs to not be a giant crybaby though and that is this movie's go-to move. Half a 'bus-evacuating fart' out of five.
11 Dolph Ziggler - Countdown
This one starts off with such a cavalcade of cop cliches that it's actually impressive. Dolph Ziggler plays Ray Thompson, a cop who doesn't play by the rules, can't work with a partner, who gets suspended while his commanding officer (Kane) is all over him, as he drinks himself into a stupor every night over the memory of his dead son. The cherry on his sundae is that someone has kidnapped a kid and he's issuing Dolph the titular 'countdown' for him to make the save.
Without warning, right on the 20-minute mark the film suddenly becomes a full, shameless WWE commercial.
We see more than a dozen WWE wrestlers warming up or performing in the arena Dolph got sent to even though they never appear again nor have any role in the movie. The story continues but is constantly inter-cut with WWE performers as well as backstage tours of the merch tables and fans covered in WWE gear. It completely stalls whatever the movie had going for it. Characters look at their watches and can't read the right time, cops yell at witnesses who are already cooperating, the acting goes from pretty good to full-idiocy, it's a mess.
The one redeeming scene in the entire movie is when Dolph is running around the arena with his gun drawn only for Rusev to shoulder check him into a wall and take his firearm. Dolph then superkicks Rusev to get his gun back while Lana swoons. It's weird but funny. One and a half 'Rusev barges' out of five.
10 John Cena - Fred & Fred 2
These movies are about a screeching, high-pitched teen and come from a Youtube series that got big based off of being targeted at the youngest demographics with bright colors and voice-cracking screaming. In that way, it suits Cena down to the ground. For those who consider John Cena to be the kiddy, insulting version of Hulk Hogan, this is the final proof you could ever need. Cena plays the titular Fred's imaginary father, jumping out of hiding places like Fred's fridge to give him fortune cookie advice and fail at attempts at humor. Apparently, they shot a scene for the movie in front of a live WWE audience and if you were anyone there that night who paid for entertainment and got this instead, our sympathies to you.
Cena cheeses it up and fits right in with the jiggling keys aesthetic of the movies. His current Hollywood forays would probably end tomorrow if people remembered he'd starred in this series due to overwhelming embarrassment by association. Besides the main cast Cena was the only person to reprise his role, all the other actors not willing to come back and the original love interest was actually denied from coming back by her agency. It's that bad. Watching these is up there with the worst ways to torture someone, and Cena's yelling-in-place-of-charisma acting isn't funny enough to warrant even a curiosity viewing. Zero 'screeching manchildren' out of five.
9 Edge - Bending The Rules
Edge chose poorly when he decided that his Hollywood shot was best served by getting involved with Jamie Kennedy, of 'Son Of The Mask' terrible movie infamy. No matter what good work Edge puts in, and he's definitely a decent actor, Jamie Kennedy dumps all over every scene with his 'useless dweeb' routine and makes the movie utterly painful to sit through. He hardly acts like a human being at all, and his punchable face means that his role alongside Edge overshadows whatever good the 'Rated-R Superstar' can do.
Other good actors also can't escape Kennedy's orbit of bad acting. Jessica Walter, Jennifer Esposito, Pruitt Taylor Vince, and Phillip Baker Hill all lend good small roles to proceedings and are genuinely chuckle-worthy when they get to let loose. It's actually quite impressive how Kennedy permeates his scenes so badly despite the roster of talent but it is enough to sink this movie well below it's potential. Edge has good chemistry with everyone, again excepting Kennedy, and even though his character has a silly name (Nick Blades), his charisma and screen presence spell good things for his acting future. Not this outing though. This gets one and a half 'ugly orange jeeps' out of five.
8 The Miz & Paige - Santa's Little Helper
So close to not being terrible, this one can't escape the trap that most Christmas movies fall into, that being insipid, saccharine cutesiness that isn't funny. The Miz is among the best actual actors WWE still has on their books but even he can't drag this one out of sugary hell. Paige isn't bad either, but between unfunny comic relief characters and a light-on-plot story that drags hard by the end, this is a movie that shouldn't be put in any stockings come Christmas time.
Miz is Dax, a generic corporate jerk who wants to close down the community center where he spent time as a kid, but he gets fired, dumped by his girlfriend and his house is put on a countdown to foreclosure.
Luckily, Santa is hiring and sees something in him that leads to job application shenanigans via Billie, his personal assistant elf, putting Miz through his paces to uncover the good guy he used to be. That's essentially the entire deal, with Miz required to wear dumb costumes and show his 'Christmas spirit' over and over again to prove himself for Santa's job opening. It follows the bog-standard plot points of every Christmas movie where the hero learns the meaning of Christmas and the bad girl Paige gets her just comeuppance while Miz is able to save the community center he started out wanting to close. It's cookie cutter and entirely missable. Two of 'Mrs. Claus' cut cookies' out of five.
7 Triple H - The Chaperone
He's Mr. Bradstone, he's the Chaperone and this is a movie no one should own.
The movie so bad it made it onto WWE Raw as a CM Punk insult to Triple H's face. He could've avoided it too except for some circumstances that landed it in his lap for the worse. This was reportedly supposed to be Batista's role in a WWE movie that got taken away from him for some reason and subsequently added to his impending urge to depart the company. Considering how bad the film turned out, he can probably consider that a blessing in hindsight, although considering his acting abilities compared to Triple H's, maybe this is all The Game's fault.
This is yet another WWE movie where they forego laughs or decent action for a weak family drama that can't carry the film, so there's some crime that happens instead. Triple H's growly intimidation works fine on WWE shows but in a full movie where he's supposed to be a recognizably human person, he is laughable in all the wrong ways. Unlike a lot of the other movies on this list, The Chaperone doesn't even have some mildly decent actors to fall back on unless you count Lisa Simpson's voice actress, and she's not bringing much to the table here. Triple H is simply a creature who only works right in WWE and should nary stray from his natural habitat. One 'dog dinosaur' out of five.
6 Randy Orton - The Condemned 2
A sequel in the loosest terms possible in that there's some betting on who will die in a contrived setup. Randy Orton was mildly good in other movies, but this one is easily his worst effort onscreen as he grumbles through the whole thing. Randy is leading a bounty hunter squad who accidentally kills a suspect, gets out on parole by the court, then has the dead suspect's number-two organize this revenge game to try to kill him. Randy's former squadmates are caught up in the plot as well, but they are cannon fodder or inconsequential as Orton wanders up to each of them cluelessly, then they turn on him or hinder him instead of helping.
There are random slow-mo scenes at times that make no sense, Randy doesn't appear to know what cover is when taking fire from directly in front, and besides Eric Roberts and Gomez from Breaking Bad slumming it, there's precious little acting to write home about.
Every cop in this movie is aggressively stupid it seems while Randy tries to explain himself over and over.
Every few minutes the film cuts back to gamblers surrounding a roulette wheel hooting and hollering and it's pointless the second time let alone the 11th. An hour into the flick a tense scene where Randy tries to help a friend get off a landmine has comical music immediately after it, ruining the tone or flow of whatever this movie was holding on to. Aside from some technical competency in the actual filmmaking there's nothing here worth seeking out. One and a half 'villain speeches about power' out of five.
5 Batista - Wrong Side Of Town
Dave Bautista has been one of the few wrestlers who has gone on to have an accomplished film career with no signs of it slowing down. Batista's resume includes Spectre, Blade Runner 2049 and Guardians of the Galaxy. Batista first left the WWE in 2010 and Batista made the decision that he was going to go full on into acting. However, before he got the big break, he decided that he was going to have to be in some movies that didn't have any chance at breaking the bank, but would showcase some potential Batista had as an actor.
In the movie Wrong Side Of Town, Batista stars alongside Rob Van Dam and plays a muscle head named Big Ronnie who does stereotypical muscle head things. Batista actually was one of the saving graces of the movie, so perhaps he caught some attention with the role.
Batista has since gone on to redeem himself in many other roles, so he can be forgiven for taking part in this flick. The movie operated on a pretty small budget and it was painfully obvious throughout the whole thing.
A review by HighDefDigest.com describes the film as:
"Three WWE wrestlers. Two R&B/Hip Hop artists. One p--- star. Zero intelligence."
4 Hulk Hogan - Anything But Rocky III
People must've felt Hulk Hogan was destined for greatness in Hollywood after his role in Rocky III as Thunderlips. Hogan left the WWE in his first stint with the company to take that role, as he and Vince Sr. disagreed on Hogan's right to appear in projects outside of WWE. After the success of Rocky III and Hogan proving to be a perfect fit for the role, it was understandable that some felt Hogan would have more success in Hollywood down the line. Hogan ended up becoming the biggest star in wresting and transcended the business, becoming well known in mainstream pop culture.
However, any role after Rocky III proved to be a failure for The Hulkster.
From the WWE produced disaster No Holds Barred, to corny comedies like Santa With Muscles or Mr. Nanny, Hogan just never found a role that led him to success. Or maybe it's because he just wasn't a good actor. The bad roles didn't stop though, as Hogan also held roles in box office (and critical) bombs such as Suburban Commando, and let's not forget his failed venture into television, Thunder In Paradise.
It could be argued at least, that Hogan paved the way for other wrestlers to try their hand in movies.
3 Rob Van Dam - Black Mask 2: City Of Masks
This one is probably catching you off guard a little. The original Black Mask movie wasn't exactly a kung-fu classic but it still performed pretty well at the box office and it was a very entertaining action film that helped Jet Lit become an international star. The sequel however, was a rushed mess and it came out with little to no fanfare. In an appearance that feels somewhat random, Rob Van Dam makes an appearance in the movie and it's a big mystery as to how RVD got involved in the project.
Perhaps the producers felt that RVD's popularity would encourage more people to watch the film, but RVD doesn't really do anything in the movie to explain why the studio felt they needed him. He doesn't do anything in the movie to show off his athleticism and he doesn't end up getting all that much screen time in the movie.
Perhaps RVD felt this might have been a way for him to venture into more movies (and he eventually did get some more roles, as mentioned above with Batista in Wrong Side Of Town), but overall, the film was pretty forgetful. Thankfully, RVD was on a full-time schedule with WWE at the time.
2 Kurt Angle - End Game
The WWE has pretty much erased whatever Kurt Angle did from 2006 to early 2017 when he made his return to WWE. However, this might be one portion of Angle's 11-year hiatus from WWE that he wouldn't mind keeping buried.
In 2009, right in the thick of his TNA career, Angle landed a role in the movie End Game and expressed hope that it would lead him to future success in movies, something he could do once he was done wrestling. Well, as you might've noticed, Angle hasn't gotten that many acting roles since this one, and after watching this movie (wait, don't, just take our word for it), you'll understand why. The movie sees Kurt Angle star as a vicious criminal who takes pleasure in committing some violent crimes. We've seen Angle demonstrate some serious acting chops throughout his wrestling career, as he's always been great at playing a dastardly heel, but Angle just doesn't come off as a capable actor in this movie.
Angle's acting is the least of the film's problems though. The biggest issue is the uninspired plot which provides little entertainment throughout the movie, which is shot like what you would call a "late night film".
1 WCW As A Whole - Ready To Rumble
This is not only an embarrassing film but it's a film made by a wrestling company, ostensibly to promote that wrestling company, that actively insults and belittles anyone who might consider themselves fans of said wrestling company. It's remarkable. Joey Pantoliano and Oliver Platt are good actors with impressive resumes who must have been either bribed or drunk to accept these roles. The WCW wrestlers involved (and John Cena in the background of a scene funnily enough) have no way of making this movie work when the story is so jumbled that it defies conventional description. Essentially, wrestling is both real and fake, the backstage politics are the Montreal Screwjob every night, and the movie's protagonists are a pair of losers which seems to be WCW's take on their own fans.
Even legendarily bad movies like Hulk Hogan's No Holds Barred didn't make wrestling and its fans look so abjectly lame.
Diamond Dallas Page is the main wrestler giving an actual performance and while he's not completely garbage the script is. Sting, Goldberg and a bunch of small cameos for the other wrestlers complete this travesty of a film. This movie also directly caused the David Arquette's WCW World Championship victory, as it tried to promote the film and WCW, accomplishing neither goal. A film so bad it actually spilled over into WCW storylines and made them worse as well. Half a Triple Cage out of five.
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